Pure Thoughts
by Dracis Tran
Summary: When you are pureblooded, there are choices to make. The fifth boy in the Marauders dorm is faced with a choice... does he follow the way of his blood... or is there a different person inside of him than that of his parents? COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

Short Summary: Three purebloods are sorted into Gryffindor! A story of the fifth boy in the Marauder's Gryffindor year.

Long Summary: When Sirius Black is sorted into Gryffindor, everyone is surprised. He's a Black, after all. But Derek Fugue, Sirius Black, AND James Potter? Many people are shocked with this latest development. But Derek Fugue is not exactly… "repentant" of his family's ways. The story of the fifth boy in the Marauder's Gryffindor year.

A/N: If you like the story, please send me an e-mail or review it and let me know so I'll want to continue writing.

The Sorting.

Everyone was always nervous at the Sorting. Minerva McGonagall was new to the position of Assistant Headmistress at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and _she_ was the most nervous of them all. The other teachers were mildly nervous, hoping to be blessed with another year without any huge prankers. The previous group, who had named themselves the "Floaters", because they had never been caught in all of their seven years, had finally graduated and were released upon an unsuspecting world. Naturally, they didn't want to repeat the experience. The three other Heads of House were no exception, and were almost as nervous as Minerva was.

Dumbledore simply chuckled to himself. What were they nervous about? That this year would be no more boring than the seven that had come before it? No; that wasn't fair. They were worried about non-boring things happening _within_ the school's walls. Without, well, that was a different story, and even beginning to take on that subject had Dumbledore's slight smile fade from his hidden lips. _Tom…_ Dumbledore wasn't very happy that a former prefect of Hogwarts was gathering all of the known practitioners of the Dark Arts.

He rapped his knuckles on the Head Table twice. Tom Marvolo Riddle. He was rallying a lot of the disgruntled purebloods behind him in his quest for the Dark Arts. The only thing that Dumbledore did not know about the plans Tom was making was why he was doing it all. Why did he hate muggles and muggle-born witches and wizards, or even half-bloods? He was a half-blood himself! He grew up in a muggle orphanage…

A muggle orphanage that he did not enjoy. He did not have an easy childhood… Dumbledore knew that. He remembered the Chamber of Secrets fiasco, and that poor girl's death that resulted. He had been a Transfiguration professor and Head of Gryffindor House and… well… he had Minerva's job. So there was nothing he could do about the fact that he was one hundred percent sure that Rubeus had not opened the Chamber. It didn't stack with the legend, for one thing, and it didn't stack with the creature that Riddle saw running into the Dark Forest. Since that year, the students had begun to call the forest that surrounded the castle the Forbidden Forest, which made perfect sense to Dumbledore, as it was Forbidden to all students. But…

Dumbledore shook his head to clear it. Minerva had finally finished leading the new first years to the Head Table at the front of the Great Hall. All of the first years wore similar expressions. There was one girl on the far side with brown hair that was looking around at the ceiling with pure awe on her face. This brought the slight smile back to Dumbledore's lips; the one that caused his eyes to sparkle mischievously. Curiosity was such a pleasure in children. It was the reason he had become a teacher in the first place. He loved to watch people learn. Most of the faces held awe in some form, but there were a few that didn't.

A child with slick, black hair did not look at anything except for Dumbledore himself. When the two caught eyes, the child did something interesting. Unlike most pureblood children that Dumbledore had seen that did not come into the Great Hall impressed on their first time, who made their dislike for the Headmaster obvious, this one simply looked at him. Measuring him… This caused Dumbledore's smile to return again for a moment. An interesting development, perhaps there would be something that this boy would do that would surprise him.

There were four other children from well known pureblood families. Three of them, everyone knew. With the Potters being very well known for their work in bringing pureblood, halfblood, and muggle-born witches and wizards together in friendship, their son James's entrance to Hogwarts was almost newsworthy. James looked around the Great Hall with interest. He had a keen eye, and when he noticed that Dumbledore was looking at him, he smiled. Dumbledore moved on to the other two of the well-known members of pureblood families. They were both from the illustrious house of Black, which did not, however, have the exact same reputation as the Potters, though they were no less famous. Bellatrix Black was from one branch of the family, while Sirius Black was from another. Unlike James, Dumbledore reserved his judgment as to what kind of people they would be. He simply did not have enough information about either of them, and some of the things he did know, he wasn't sure he believed yet.

The fourth child was not as famous as the other three children. With a Potter, two Blacks, and even the other pureblooded child, this one could easily be overlooked. Dumbledore always made sure that he did not overlook _anything_, much less something someone else would overlook, he moved his gaze to rest on the last boy. His brown hair was messy, though it didn't compare to the messiness that James's was able to attain. His dark brown eyes showed a glint of pride. Pride in his blood? Pride that… oh, this was _that_ boy. His name was Derek Fugue, and he was the first in his family that was accepted into Hogwarts, as his elder brother was a Squib. Naturally, a pure-blooded family could not keep a Squib on the books, so Theodore Fugue was… well, no longer a Fugue.

Minerva tapped the scroll she was holding in her hand for the attention of the students. Little did she know that Dumbledore also was grabbed by this little gesture. Her nervousness was not showing at all, Dumbledore was proud to note, and he settled back into his chair to listen to the Sorting.

"When I call your name," Minerva began, her gaze sweeping all of the first years with almost enough force to put them in a dustbin, "You will step forward and sit on this stool." She pointed unnecessarily at the stool that stood between the first years and the Head Table. The Sorting Hat was perched upon it, looking relaxed, though worn. "And put the hat on. It will Sort you into your Houses." When she was finished, she stepped back. The rest of the Hall, save the first years, leaned forward staring at the hat. Dumbledore was included, and it was because Dumbledore was looking at the hat that the first year students slowly began to look at it. After everyone in the Hall had been looking at it for a good five seconds of dead silence, the rip in the brim opened up and burst into song, startling the first years.  
_  
Welcome to Hogwarts!  
__I always say  
__To those who are new here  
__And have come to stay_

_So do not be afraid  
__You are truly welcome here  
__All of you, every one  
__Have nothing to fear_

_Four Houses there are  
__Formed long ago  
__By Four Founders  
__Who loved learning so_

_Godric__ Gryffindor was the one  
__Who first brought it up  
__To make a place of learning  
__And build from the ground up!_

_His bravery was unmatched  
__His power was great  
__So he picked students like him  
__Who's power did not hate_

_Rowena Ravenclaw wanted only  
__To teach the students with the longing  
__A wish to learn and a curiosity  
__For the art of learning_

_So she joined Gryffindor  
__Choosing the ones that fit  
__The image that in her mind  
__Was a great big hit!_

_Salazar Slytherin, a friend  
__Of both of the others  
__Wanted to teach those  
__Who would not hide under the covers_

_Ambition and Cunning  
__Are the traits he looked for  
__In his witches and wizards  
__And he took those who did not bore_

_Helga Hufflepuff heard of her friend's school  
__And she knew that she would not be left out  
__For she wanted to teach those the others did not  
__(She didn't like to see anyone pout!)_

_The one thing that she required  
__Was a loyalty  
__A strong bond that all need  
__Even royalty!_

_So I am here to tell you  
__Which House will do you well  
__So put me on for a while  
__And you'll learn to cast my spell!_

And with that, the Hat was finished. Only a split-second later, the Great Hall burst into applause. The first years seemed a bit stunned by the display, especially the fact that the Sorting Hat was now bowing to the Great Hall's applause. In short order, Minerva brought the scroll out from under her arm and removed the seal and opened it. Silence returned to the Hall instantly.

"Avery, Joseph," Minerva called out to the silent Hall. The Sorting had begun.

"SLYTHERIN!" The Hat called, and the boy headed over to that table, which had just erupted into applause. The other House tables clapped politely.

"Black, Bellatrix," Minerva called, and the first years began to settle into a less apprehensive wait.

"SLYTHERIN!" The Hat shouted.

"Black, Sirius."

As Sirius put the hat on, Dumbledore knew immediately that he wasn't going into the same House as his cousin. He was too nervous, and he fidgeted as he argued inwardly with the Hat. Dumbledore was interested in what the Sorting Hat said to his students, but he had never asked. They were very private thoughts that the Hat often looked into when figuring out which House the student belonged to. So, though Dumbledore did not yet know why Sirius was sorted into "GRYFFINDOR!" he knew that he would find out in time.

Though Sirius was surprised, he seemed slightly relieved at the Sorting Hat's pronouncement. His cousin glared daggers at him from the Slytherin table, as did his other cousin, who was a year older: Narcissa Black. He took no notice of either one and turned to watch the Sorting.

The next few students were Sorted through quickly, and without incident. Once "Evans, Lily" had been sorted into "GRYFFINDOR!" Dumbledore looked at Derek's haughty stare. As his name was called, Derek did not have a facial reaction. He simply walked forward and put on the Hat and sat on the stool. He was there for a full minute without moving a muscle when he suddenly blanched. Dumbledore couldn't see his face, but from Minerva's slight raise of the eyebrows, he knew that Derek wasn't getting what he was expecting. Another minute passed, and then Derek gave an infinitesimal nod. It was so slight, that Dumbledore was sure that had he been able to see his face, he wouldn't have noticed the head move at all.

"GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat proclaimed to the Hall. Dumbledore clapped along with everyone else, though in some places the clapping was very subdued. That was two purebloods to Gryffindor, and both were not entirely expected by anyone. A very pale Derek walked over to the Gryffindor table. Sirius, mildly surprised to see him there, shook his hand, albeit a bit stiffly. Dumbledore made a mental note of that, as well as Narcissa Black's scowl, and returned to the Sorting.

The other two pureblood boys were looking at the Gryffindor table confused. James Potter seemed rather interested in the current situation, and seemed to simply wonder what would happen next. Severus Snape did not seem to be very happy with the current events. He glared at Sirius and Derek as "Gordon, Amy" was Sorted into "HUFFLEPUFF!" He turned back to the procession, but he looked a little more pale than he had been to begin with.

More and more children were sorted into their Houses. "Kosh, Sarah," "Lander, Kelly," "Lupin, Remus," and "Pettigrew, Peter" joined the Gryffindor group that everyone seemed to be clamoring about. Finally, it came to "Potter, James."

To no one's surprise, the Hat had barely touched his head when it announced to the Hall that he was going to join the "GRYFFINDOR!"s.

After "Riley, Joseph" became a Ravenclaw and "Ross, Helga" became another Gryffindor, it was time for "Snape, Severus."

His time with the Sorting Hat was only slightly longer than James, but finally breaking the pattern, "SLYTHERIN!" was called. Severus looked quite relieved as he headed over to the Slytherin table. The fifth Gryffindor girl followed. "Sulch, Wanda," was her name.

When the Sorting finally came to an end, Dumbledore rose. "Well, I hope everyone is hungry, because the Great Feast has begun!" All of the plates filled to the brim with food, and the gasps of some of the first years were audible even and the Head Table. "Tuck in!"


	2. A Lot of Enemies

**Chapter 1: A Lot of Enemies…**

Derek Fugue opened his eyes.

He had been reliving the night of his Sorting for years. This time, he was laying down on the grass across from the tree that was nearby the lake outside of Hogwarts. His Defense Against the Dark Arts OWL exam had gone rather well, he had thought. It had been a little quick though, and he had had to rush through the last few problems. Even though he thought he had done rather well on the exam, that didn't mean that he wasn't drained. After all, it had been a very long week.

Derek sat up on his elbows, but this only served to show him the four boys he didn't want to see. Well, four of the boys, anyway. These four were his hallmates. Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter. The ones who had named themselves the "Marauders". No matter how much they pretended that they were not the Marauders, the whole school knew who they were.

And, for the most part, idolized them. This merely made Derek sick.

James Potter was playing with a snitch. Letting it go and then catching it at the last second. Derek sighed to himself. He was a _Chaser_ and he had the gall to be showing off with something that was not even his job on the Quidditch pitch? Not that the girls minded, it seemed, but it was still amazingly cocky of the boy.

Sirius Black was lazing next to the tree, content to make any passing girl sigh at him and Potter (in that order). He had this bored look… but it only seemed to help grab the attention of the passing girls, who invariably giggled at both him and Potter on their way by. Derek sighed. He wished that Black would get over himself.

Peter Pettigrew sat in stunned silence, watching Potter with his mouth open. Derek laughed to himself as he shook his head. He often wondered idly why an idiot like Pettigrew was with the Marauders, when the other three were so… popular, brilliant, whatever. Derek had finally come to the conclusion that there always needed to be someone who was just a pair of hands. He did not, however, wonder why there were not five Marauders.

Remus Lupin was the only one of the lot who was in a respectable position. He was also the only one of the lot that Derek ever talked to. Remus was a quiet person by nature, but he could be intense when the situation warranted it. He had an air that just asked for respect, _and_ he was from a decent family. Not associating with him would have been just… dumb. Especially since he was the only one of the boys in Derek's year that he ever talked to.

Such was the scene when a very bad thing happened. Well, bad for the people involved, but it was definitely to Derek's pleasure. Because the fifth boy that Derek didn't want to see was reading off to one side, and Potter had spotted him. Worse (or better), he had gotten a smile on his face. Derek's only reaction was that he raised his left eyebrow. This was going to get extremely interesting extremely quickly, and Snape was about to get another demonstration of how cruel the Marauders could be.

What followed was a crowd pleaser of amazing degree. Derek did not react exactly one with the crowd (he didn't exactly like the winners, though he truly didn't like the loser either), he still enjoyed it immensely. Lily Evans, mudblood and female prefect of the Marauder and Derek's year, got involved to help Snape, but he didn't want any of it. Derek was especially amused by that. _It doesn't matter if she's a mudblood if she wants to help you keep your honor!_ But Snape was never one to make any sense.

Another amusing anecdote to the encounter was when everyone groaned because James Potter had once again asked Lily out. This time, it was as if he was making a deal. He promised that he wouldn't bother Snape in exchange for a date. Aware that this was a raw deal, Lily did not budge. Eventually, Snape was let down, and Lily was on her way after releasing some anger at Potter. Potter tried to call her back, to apologize, to have a chance at _something_…

But she didn't look back. The show was over. The people were beginning to scatter, and the Marauders were no exception to that rule. The only exception was Derek, who instead of leaving in any direction, simply laid back down. He was looking up at the clouds that slowly billowed across the blue sky. It was a beautiful early June day, and Derek gave thanks that the students at Hogwarts were allowed outside.

Lily probably went back to be with her friends; friends she made in her dormitory, just like most of the other students in the school. Derek sighed. Of course. He would be the exception, wouldn't he? Between the Marauders, Lily and the Gryffindor fifth year girls, there was him. Not in any group, and not welcome in any either. He had his fair share of pranks played on him by the Marauders, Snape and the other Blacks… more than his fair share really.

Fact was, he was a loner. Pureblooded, and proud of it, being the key thing, and being in Gryffindor was not a very popular combination. Pureblooded and proud in _Slytherin_ was expected and even encouraged. While Potter and Black were not so much proud as… aware that they were pureblooded, and it didn't really affect them on a daily basis. Why had the hat insisted? He _should_ be a Slytherin, not a Gryffindor. He was barely like any of the other strange characters that made up his own House.

A shout went up to one side, and Derek groaned. _What now?_ He lifted himself onto his elbow to look at what was causing all of the racket. Ah, figures. Bellatrix Black was giving a mudblood the one-two. Derek looked around, but most of the crowd was gone, especially anybody who would be inclined to help the little girl. Derek sat up like he did for the previous show, but this time not nearly as amused. After all, the person he hated in the encounter was taking no beating at all.

It wasn't long after the cries became desperate did Derek's wand come out. He fiddled with his position delicately until it was perfect: he was laying on his side, holding his wand pointed at Black, but the wand was hidden by "lucky" folds of the robe. Derek stuck the tip just outside of the folds of his robes. "Rictusempra," Derek said, his voice low.

The girl's shouts and protests were silenced as suddenly as Black's laugh began. Now, that's more like it. Derek let the wand remain folded in his robes as he got up and walked toward the Castle. He had wanted to duel the idiot, but there was also the fact that he had had to help a mudblood to do it. So, no can do; not and keep his reputation, anyway. He would have to be satisfied, for the moment, with giving Black a lot of laughter, and not a lot to laugh about.

Silence of thought enveloped him as he made his way back to Gryffindor Tower.


	3. A Few Friends

**Fearless**: You know that scene because it's a POV take off the scene in Snape's Pensieve (Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix). Basically I took the scene and added Derek's reactions to introduce you to the less-seen member of Gryffindor Tower. And Lily and James hate each other at this point because... they do. It's canon.

I'm glad that you were kind enough to review!

**Chapter 2: A Few Friends**

"Malicious Moron." What a dumb password.

It didn't really matter how dumb it was, really, because regardless of that it let Derek into Gryffindor Tower. Not exactly a place of great memories for the sixteen-year-old, but then again, he didn't really know of a place he thought held good memories. Everywhere was just as drab in the memory department. This prompted a sigh from the boy who had just walked into the Common Room. Naturally, no one else noticed.

He walked forward to the area in front of the fireplace. The marauders seemed to have retreated to the dorm, but Derek didn't feel like dealing with them at that moment, so he stopped in front of the fireplace and sat on the comfiest chair. Finally, a grin started to creep onto his face as he remembered all of the races to the chair that he was now sitting in. He took a quick look around to make sure he could relax, and there was nobody looking at him. Not that there ever was anyone.

It as only a few minutes of stewing through his life and nearly dozing off in the comfy chair before he heard, as opposed to saw, someone sit down in the chair to his left. One open eye told him that Lupin was falling into the cushion heavily. His face was drawn and his eyes sunken. He was sick again. "You look terrible."

Remus cracked a grin, but Derek didn't spot it because he had already closed his eye again. "When is it ever any different?"

"Point taken."

"How about you?"

"What about me?"

"How are you?"

Finally, Derek opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Remus. Merlin, even his _robes_ were disheveled. "Thinking about the year, really. How having you as the prefect in the room kept my hide from turning yellow. Literally. Several times."

Remus's grin came back. "Funny. It's as if Dumbledore knew…" Then he ducked. And rightly so, because a pillow from the chair to Derek's right sailed where Remus's head used to be. "I meant about today. You seem to be stewing over something."

"Of course I'm stewing over _something_, and you know it's not Potter and Snape fighting."

"Why would I have asked?"

Derek snickered. "Fine. After everyone scattered, Malfoy took on a Mudblood. It was rather sad because unlike Evans, she couldn't fight back. So after letting the girl get a proper scaring, I gave him a dose of the laughing hex. He looked quite nuts."

Remus leaned back into his chair, a smile on his face. In true Marauder fashion, he appreciated the effect and as the image came clearly into his head, his grin only got wider. "And nobody knew what you did?"

"Save you."

Remus simply nodded. A clattering from the Boy's Dormitory stairs announced the arrival of the rest of the Marauders. Derek and Remus both knew that this was Remus's clue to leave. Remus rose without a word, but Derek didn't take offense, or even note. This was an encounter that was completely normal. As Remus walked over to the other three pranksters, Derek silently tuned into their conversation.

"-And then Sirius jumps out from behind the Willow and hexes him to kingdom come!" Pettigrew was saying, his voice gratingly sharp.

There was laughter from Black and Potter. "If that would actually _work_, Wormtail, then it would be a great prank on that prat. But since it won't…" There was a short pause in Potter's response for another bark of laughter, "It looks like it's Padfoot's turn to come up with what we'll do."

"Can't we just do nothing today? Despite the mind-numbing work of answering questions on things that are honestly below us, I think we're tired and should take a break." That was Remus. The voices were fading, they were heading back out of the portrait hole. Oh yeah. Dinner.

The next speaker and what they said were muffled since they had left the common room. Derek leaned back into his chair with a sigh. Remus truly had been able to make life bearable in the Fifth-year boys' room. That, and a few well-placed protection charms around his bed before sleeping. Every night Derek thanked Merlin that Evans was the Charms Mistress, and James was best in Transfiguration. It made Derek's life so much easier.

Derek blinked as the girls came down from their dormitory. He hadn't even thought about the fact that they had also retreated to their dorm after Potter and Evans had had the latest spat. Well, he did think about her, even if indirectly. Speak of the Devil, and He will come. Something his mother had always told him. Well, before she had stopped telling him anything at all.

"Are they gone?" A lilting voice asked, at the doorway to the Girl's Dormitory.

"Honestly, Wanda, you'd think that you wouldn't have a brave bone in your body if you weren't in Gryffindor," another said, much stronger and also closer. She must have been the one who looked.

"But I don't want Lily and James to fight again today!" Wanda said indignantly, and also closer.

"You don't want anyone to fight, ever," the second voice admonished.

"Is there something wrong with that, Kelly?" Lily's voice called from inside the Dorm stairway.

There was a silence, and it was broken quickly by footsteps down the stairs. "Let's go eat then," Lily said, "Sure, they'll be there, but we'll sit at another part of the table."

"Yes," Wanda said, seeming satisfied. There were footsteps of them walking away. Derek wasn't sure whether they knew he was sitting in the comfy chair, but they probably wouldn't have said anything to him even had they known he was there. However, there were two girls from the dorm that _would_ come over and talk to him if they saw him there. It was now only a matter of-

"It's the music man!"

-time.

Derek turned and could not help but smile. Sarah Kosh had her hands on her hips and a huge smile on her face. The smile was infectious, and there was barely a soul in Hogwarts that didn't smile back when she pointed it at them. Just slightly behind Sarah with her arms folded and head cocked to one side was Helga Ross. Helga had the same brand of red hair as Lily, though she kept it shorter than Derek had ever seen Lily's.

"Just because my last name is Fugue doesn't mean I like music."

"And _that_ doesn't mean I can't say it!" Sarah said, leaning in to make her point. As both continued to smile, she seemed satisfied. "Are you coming? I imagine you're as hungry as the rest of us after that brutal test."

"Brutal? Were we in the same room?" Helga asked, her face not changing.

Sarah's smile vanished. It was now a scowl, but there was something adorable about the scowl too. "Just because you're the best at Defense Against the Dark Arts in our year doesn't mean that you can hold it over everyone's head!" Derek snickered, which brought the scowl to bear on him, daring him to keep snickering.

So, he did.

Helga didn't laugh much, but a small chuckle escaped her now. After almost a minute of this, Sarah tried to regain her dignity by standing up straight and smoothing her robe out. "I'm going to dinner," she said stiffly, "I imagine that you will want to come with me." And then she was off.

Helga shook her head as Sarah stalked away. "You do need to eat, Derek."

Derek sighed. "I know. Oh all right, I'll come with you. Are you going to sit near the girls, the Marauders, or are you gonna try to sit somewhere in the middle?"

Helga pulled him up by the shoulders. "By the girls. Lily said she wanted to talk about something, and apparently you're allowed to hear it." This caused Derek to look up confused. What would she want to say that had anything in the world to do with _him_? He had made it clear to her a long time ago that being friends wasn't an option between them because of her birth. It wasn't like he had done it the way Malfoy and Snape and the other Blacks liked to do it. He just told her, and she just nodded. He had a feeling that she realized that there were no hard feelings. Just that it wasn't a good idea.

Not that anything was a good idea for Derek when it came to friends. Somehow, even though Helga and Sarah weren't from Pureblood families, they were able to get through the invisible wall that he had built. That he had to build. They weren't halfblood, but there were muggles somewhere in their family and it cropped up form time to time. Unlike the Pureblood families, they did not expunge the muggles and squibs and rabble from the family. These kinds of people needed to be taken on a one-by-one basis; so Derek had found in his own experience. Sarah and Helga were simply some of the more honorable of their breed. And independent events had changed a few things.

They reached the Great Hall soon after he had reached that point in his thoughts, and he was glad for the break. They joined Lily, Wanda and Kelly on the end of the table closest to the doors. The seventh years were sitting next to them, minding their own business, and Derek spotted the jet black messy hair that screamed "Potter" all the way on the other side of the House's table. Derek promptly sat down at the last spot open looking over at Lily, mildly interested. Sarah and Helga were settling into their seats and Lily was drinking some pumpkin juice while she waited. The other two girls seemed quite excited.

After everyone was settled and Lily's goblet was back on the table, the girls leaned in as Derek simply continued to look interested. He was, too. Why did she care if he heard this? Better, why did she _want_ him to hear this?

Finally with all of the attention on her, Lily folded her hands in front of her. "I have an idea. We all know that Sirius has dated pretty much any girl in the school-"

"Except you."

Lily gave Wanda a withering look. "And that pretty much any girl wants to date James-"

While the others swooned, Helga simply smiled. "Except you."

This time, Lily gave a little smile. "Or you. _And_ Peter has had his share of dates."

Derek snorted and made like to retch, which made all of the girls laugh. Peter was famous for picking the _strangest_ girlfriends. There were ugly ones, odd ones, dumb ones… basically anything odd you could think of. Worst thing is that he generally shot for a few years younger. Derek found it odd that he found anyone at all; but then again, he was a Marauder.

Oh. Oh no.

"What about Remus?"

Derek had to stop himself from banging his head on the table.

Helga got a frown on her face. "You mean he hasn't…?"

Lily shook her head. Sadly. "Nope. Maybe if we can do that for him, get him a girlfriend, then he'll be able to deal with… all the crap he has to deal with at home." She received firm nods from all the girls, and Derek's incredulous glare that he couldn't get off of his face. When Lily looked at him, she visibly recoiled. All of the girls stared at him as she said, "What!"

"And I imagine the girl will be one of you?" he said, the sarcasm biting.

To his surprise, Helga giggled.

Lily smiled. "That, of course, depends on whether he likes one of us or not." Yup, they were insane.

Derek leaned back. "So, what's my part in this whole shindig?"

Lily's face went from amused smile to evil grin. It was a slow transformation, but it was easy to tell. Especially for someone who had watched her for the past five years and been boggled by the fact that she wasn't a complete savage. "You are our informant."

Derek was flabbergasted. "Your _what!_"

Lily sniffed, her face returning to a serious line. "You'll be the one who gets to find out about who he likes. And then we will see what we can do."

Derek sighed. Then he looked around at the expectant faces, clearly trying to come back with a retort of some kind. But… it didn't come. Nothing came. So he sighed again. "Alright. I'll give it a try. But only because you're right in that he may need some more help with his problems at home." And with that he dug into his dinner. Happy with his response, Lily and the other girls began to make plans as to how the dates would go, and Derek sighed, though inwardly. At least the cause was just.


	4. Friends After All

You know very well what is mine and what is not.

**Chapter 3: Friends After All**

Derek leaned out the window as the train began to head out of Hogsmeade Station. It tooted it's horn and the carriages were heading back up to the castle as if the Gameskeeper had given them a command. It gave Derek the shivers to watch it, so he stuck his head back inside the train, aware that Hogwarts, and the better part of the year was behind him until September first came around once again. It was all so depressing.

"Missing it already?" came Sarah's quiet voice from the opposite side of the compartment. Derek looked up at her, and studied her for a moment. Her infectious smile was no longer there, and her eyes showed… not concern, though that was there… it was more… pain.

"Yes. Don't you?"

Sarah nodded, though she broke the eye contact. Only Sarah and Derek were in the room. Helga was with the rest of the girls, discussing something. Derek shook his head. If it was more thoughts on who Remus was after, Derek would scream. Thankfully, he would never know to scream about it. In the past few days there hadn't been any good chance to talk to Remus about it. Even in passing, when Derek had tried to direct the conversation in that direction, Remus neatly dodged it. He wasn't entirely sure how he had done it, but he had.

Sarah continued to look out the window and Derek joined her in the silent contemplation of the scenery that was rushing past them at a grand speed. It was funny how he didn't like most of the time that he spent at Hogwarts, and yet he was this reluctant to leave. Sarah was too. She never told anyone, but Derek was sure that her life at home had to be near as bad as his own. That was the only thing that explained her crestfallen look on the train ride each year. Derek imagined that it ended up being hard for Helga, though it wasn't like Derek changed much when he got moody. He was always moody.

Strangely, Derek's thoughts returned to Remus. He had accepted Lily's "plan" on the pretext of helping him out of the bind he seemed to be in, to give him someone other than the Marauders that he could tell everything. It was his immediate thought later that who needed a girl to tell things when you've got three best friends and everybody seems to like you? Derek personally thought that Remus had it made; after all, there was a bunch of girls trying to get him a girlfriend! He had a funny feeling that it was a fairly rare occurrence, just something else that indicated just how well liked in school he was.

Which made it all the more odd that he kept to himself the details about his mother's illness. That was all they could ever get out of him. About once a month, but really just slightly less than that, he would not bee seen for a day or two, and right before and right after going off he would be very very pale. That was all the information that they had. Lily had confronted him about it once, but she said that she had gotten nothing out of the exchange. Whenever asked, he would mutter things such as "mother" and "illness" and it was obvious that he didn't want to talk about it.

The English countryside continued to rush past the window, both sixteen-year-olds staring at it as it all passed. They didn't notice when the door to the compartment opened and the two prefects of their year entered. Lily and Remus sat down, Lily next to Sarah and Remus next to Derek. Slowly the two brooders realized that there were other people in the room. Derek melded back into paying attention, while Sarah pasted on a fake smile.

Lily cut right to the chase. "What's wrong?" It was a gentle tone, inviting and sincere. It was kind of odd to hear it from a Mudblood, but only kind of, because Derek often forgot that Lily was a Mudblood with the way she was, and how he knew her through a full five years at Hogwarts.

Sarah's face fell, aware that she had no need to keep up the smile. Derek's face didn't react. "Both of you always get an compartment to yourselves on the way back to London," Lily continued. "We just want to know if we can help-"

Remus nodded. "Anything we can do, we'd like to."

Sarah looked a little surprised for a moment before she began to sob into her hands. Derek had a different response. His eyebrows went up, and he leaned back against the seat. Now, this was a surprising turn. He needed help… yes, he probably did need help, but what could they do? A Mudblood couldn't help him. Hell, she shouldn't want to help him, but there she was. She was always something of an enigma to Derek, but really, Lily Evans did not follow _any_ of the conventions for Mudbloods.

Lily had taken to comforting Sarah as she sobbed while Remus simply continued to sit next to Derek with his head tilted so he could see him. The silence deepened for a moment, and then Derek spoke. "I-" he started, then halted, and after all three of them looked at him, he pressed on. "I… thank you for your concern… but I don't think that there is anything to be done." Sarah went back to her sobbing, redoubling the effort. Lily looked slightly confused, while Remus had no visible reaction.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Remus asked as Sarah started to get control of herself.

Derek looked down at the compartment floor. He didn't know if he wanted to tell them all the problems that he dealt with… what could be the harm? Sarah would never hurt him… Lily couldn't… and there was no one more trustworthy than Remus Lupin.

"I imagine you remember that I am one of three pureblooded boys in our year." He didn't bother to wait for their nods, but he did note that Sarah was not crying. "My family is not unused to turning out people who are unfit to be in the family. My elder brother is a Squib…" He had said it. He had admitted it. He took a breath and pushed onward.

"He was disowned. We don't really know where he is right now. At the time I didn't really understand what was happening, just that my brother was something bad. Something that I had to strive to not be. Naturally, I was elated when I made it into Hogwarts. It meant that I didn't have to go anywhere, and it meant that I had done nothing wrong. Yet. There was still one more test, and that one I failed.

"I am in Gryffindor House. That doesn't exactly fit the bill when it comes to my family. We are Pure. Pure Blood, Pure Ambition, Pure Pride. It is natural that there wasn't a single member of the family who had not been a member of Slytherin. From the day I became a Gryffindor onward I… My life changed. My family reinforced all the things they thought they had taught me in the long years in the house, but apparently had not gotten through. Though I knew it all, they continued to press me.

"They pressed me to not associate with Mudbloods," Lily didn't react audibly, but the other two gasped, "They pressed me not to associate with Halfbloods unless they didn't associate with Mudbloods either. That Blood is the best indicator of a person… many other things like that."

Derek looked up. Sarah wanted to speak to him, though Derek was not sure what she wanted to say, and Lily silenced her with a wave of her hand. Lily and Remus were watching Derek with a quiet intensity. It willed him on. "So, naturally, I've been gravitating away from it. For one thing, there's a Mudblood…" There were gasps again, but Derek pushed on "…that I don't mind." He indicated Lily, "And none of my friends are Pureblooded. And they continue to press and…"

Derek took one last breath. "I just don't like dealing with them."

Remus patted him on the shoulder once before leaning back. "And school isn't that much better for you because of all that, huh?"

Derek shook his head. "I don't place anywhere. I'm not "Pure" because I'm in Gryffindor. You've seen how the other Purebloods think of Potter, Black and I. They lump us all together, but that doesn't mean that Potter and Black think well of me. Especially the way I acted in first and second year… and I am sorry about that. You are better people than I gave you credit for."

Lily smiled at him. "Don't worry; I knew you thought better of me when you found me after being particularly bloodied by the Slytherins and you helped me to the Hospital Wing."

Remus looked mildly surprised. "When was that?"

"Third year."

"That's when I began to realize that Lily isn't what I thought Mudbloods were. At this point, I just don't know what to think at all…"

Sarah walked across the gap in the center of the seats, and without saying anything, she leant her head onto Derek's shoulder. Lily smiled at this, and Remus simply walked over to the other side of the compartment. Lily brushed her muggle clothing off (she had already changed) as she spoke. "I'm glad that you decided to tell us that. We just want you to know that we do notice, and do care about you two, even if you aren't really considered among the most "popular" of people in our House."

"Sarah…?" Remus asked gently, "would you like to tell us anything?"

Sarah shook her head mutely.

Remus nodded. Lily seemed a little put out that they weren't as successful with Sarah as they were with Derek. Derek was surprised that they had done that well… but it was something that he had kept on his chest for a very long time. So long that once he realized that there was nothing to lose by telling them, there was no way to stop himself. He didn't know how Sarah had been able to keep it in… maybe it was because it didn't permeate through her whole life.

Lily smiled at them as the two prefects got up. "Well… I'm glad we were able to talk. We can always talk again…"

"…if you ever feel the need," Remus finished.

And with that, they left.

Derek watched the door of the compartment for a while, letting Sarah remain on his shoulder. She seemed to be comforted by doing that, so Derek let her be. They stayed in companionable silence again, but there was a minor difference from the previous silence. This time they had more of an understanding of each other, even if Sarah had not told him anything about her problems at home. They shared a bond that was almost palpable in the air, and it made the ride much more comfortable. It was much less like going off to Hell than it had been earlier. Instead, it felt like a quick breath of peace before jumping into the freezing water.

Eventually, Derek spoke. "We have to get into our muggle clothing, Sarah."

He felt her nod, but she didn't move otherwise. Derek smiled. "I know you don't want to go, and you know that I don't want to go. But there's nothing we can do about it. They are still our families, and that means that we have to deal with them. For better or worse. Even when you know that there's nothing that you can do to help anything about it."

She nodded again, but this time she got up slowly. Reluctantly. She went out of the compartment, and Derek took the cue and quickly changed. They switched places, had her change, and then when they were both back in the compartment, they resumed the same position. It made Derek smile, really. He had a companion in his grief for his home life. Even if she was grieving for a completely different life… it didn't matter. And for a moment, he truly was happy.

Unfortunately, that's when the train whistle blew, and it all came back.


	5. What's in a Home?

**Chapter 4: What's in a Home?**

The train came to a stop, and Derek and Sarah sighed in unison. They silently collected their things and came out on the platform 9 ¾ with only glum expressions. Of the Marauders, only James and Remus looked at the two of them. James seemed like he was trying to figure them out for a moment, then shrugged. Remus had no facial reaction, but Derek was pretty sure he knew what was on the other boy's mind. Of the girls, Helga came by to wish them both good summers, Lily looked at them like Remus did, and the others didn't notice. They got the normal looks from Snape, his gang, Malfoy, his gang, and the gaggle of girls that the two Black girls had around them.

In twos and threes the children were let out of the platform into the Muggle area of the train station, Sarah and Derek ended up near, but not quite at, the back of the line. Derek noticed that there were a few Aurors here and there around the platform. He had heard that this "Dark Lord" had become active of late, and had begun attacking randomly. The Aurors were probably there to prevent that guy- whoever he was- from killing any of the children. That sounded like something that should be done. Sarah didn't seem up to noticing anything. Derek reassessed her situation slightly. After all, he needed to know exactly where his family was for survival, so he was keeping an eye out for them especially.

When they both were through, Derek spotted his family, and he whispered so only Sarah could hear. "If you ever need to talk, remember that I am willing to listen, as well as Lily and Remus. You may need to get it off your chest at some point." Her nod was infinitesimal, but it was large enough for Derek to see before he pushed his cart quickly over to his parents.

"Well, then, it's about time you came out. Let's get out of this cursed place…" his father muttered, turning on his heel and walking away with his wife in tow. Derek spared only enough time to sigh before hurrying after them. When they reached the car that his father had taken to the station, Derek had just enough time to throw his trunk into the back and grab the owl cage off of the cart and hop in before the car pulled away and was on its way back to Fugue Manor. It didn't seem like a very long drive, but that was only because Derek's mother and father had not yet begun to accost him.

Fugue Manor was placed well in a small village called Old Ravine. The village had three large properties that were considered part of the community; one of them was Fugue Manor. One of the other two was the abode of the Lestrange's, though Derek continually forgot what they called their mansion. The other one was very seclusive, and even the Wizards in the community were unsure of who lived there. Regardless, they were considered part of the community.

The car was accepted by the gate in front of the manor quickly, and it opened of its own accord to let the Fugues in and closed behind them. The long winding driveway was quickly navigated, and then the car stopped. The two parents got out of the car and went back into the house. Apparently, they had been interrupted in something when they had been forced to go get Derek. Derek didn't really mind them leaving; it cut down significantly on the nagging. He grabbed his trunk and lugged it inside by himself.

The mansion was accordingly huge. Getting the trunk all the way to his room would have been a nightmare had the dumbwaiter not existed. That was what it had been put in for. After all, the Fugue adults were never inclined to cast a lightening spell to help their children out. So it was a few children that had installed it… must have been 154 years before. It didn't really matter _when_ it happened, only that it did happen and was making his life easier.

After collecting his trunk from the upstairs entrance to the dumbwaiter, Derek merely dragged it to his room and put it down in one of the corners. He flopped onto his bed and stared up at the white ceiling of the room. At least there was one place that he was himself, with no front, with no danger. A place where he could escape everything from Snape's nasty glare to Potter's superiority complex to his parent's constant nagging. And there was something to be said for getting away from all three of those things. At the moment, however, he was hungry. He sighed, as Ula had a disposition to ignore his requests for food unless he was in the kitchen when he called her. Why did even the House Elf not like him?

He walked down the stairs stealthily, but it wasn't as if he was trying to be so. It was just a habit. Something he had learned to do a long time ago. Probably about four years ago he had learned to keep his whereabouts a guess at best. When he had been Sorted into Gryffindor. When he had come back from the year, as his parents had taken a vacation and left him at Hogwarts during the Christmas Holidays, his parents had begun to accost him about his true thoughts and loyalties. Christmas wasn't fun, but at the time he hadn't realized how much of a blessing that they had unwittingly given him.

He reached the kitchens. "Ula!"

Ula appeared with a crack. "The young Master is home, I see," she said, though she didn't have any reverence that should have gone with the title she gave him. "I hope that young Master has been able to change his ways to the satisfaction of Master and Mistress?"

"That would be their decision," Derek replied with a sigh.

Ula nodded. "As it should be!"

"Can I have a sandwich, Ula?"

"Yes, young Master."

Derek left the kitchen, hoping to forestall her from bothering him more than she already had about the problems that he and his parents had with each other. But when he went through the main part of the Mansion, he realized that his parents were not home. The Location Clock had the two hands of his parents pointing to "Unknown", and his own resting on "Home". Home. Hardly.

Ula appeared with another crack and handed him his sandwich before disappearing with yet another crack. It was as if she couldn't walk, he chuckled to himself as he ate the sandwich in the silence of the Great Foyer. But quickly his mind moved to more serious matters. Where did his parents run off to in such a hurry? Not that he had cared originally, but as much as he liked not being harassed by them about his Pure Blood, he was unaware of any other time he had come home from Hogwarts and they hadn't taken the first chance to accost him.

Wherever they were, it was really important or imperative that they be there and not lecturing their son on the proper behavior of a pureblood. Not that he had ever really needed the lectures before his third year, when… Derek shook his head. That event would not help him here.

"Ula? Is there a copy of the Prophet around?" Derek shouted in the general direction of the kitchen.

"Yes."

After a moment, Derek sighed. He hadn't asked where it was. "Where is it?"

"It's in the study."

Satisfied with the answer this time, Derek headed into the study and looked around at the pile of messy paper that had flooded the room and picked through it until he came to the desk, which was far worse. However, a copy of that day's Prophet was sitting on top of a pile, and Derek snatched it, and walked out of the room reading.

**LORD VOLDEMORT**

**New Dark Lord has Revealed his Name!**

_George Torley, Journalist The Dark Wizard that has been making various attacks in the Wizarding and Muggle Worlds this year and last finally has a name to go with the terror: Lord Voldemort. _

_The tell-tale sign of one of his attacks was floating over a house in Bristol yesterday, with yet another family a victim of this Voldemort's followers, who's name has also been revealed as "Death Eaters." The names were figured out when Hit Wizards and Aurors arrived on the scene. Voldemort came out of the House to deliver a speech to the wizards, asking them how they dared to attack him, Lord Voldemort, when they had no chance to win? He also mentioned the name of his "Death Eaters" in the same speech, stating that the Aurors were not even worth the undergarments they wore._

_Voldemort then attacked, causing quite a few injuries and killing four. He then Apparated away from the scene, followed by the followers that were in the house at the time. Aurors have not released any names of the deceased yet._

_During Voldemort's speech, he gave away a few clues to his nature and how he was picking his victims. He said that he did not want the Wizarding World to continue to spiral downwards with the Muggles. He denounced those not of pure blood and after a few fact checks by this reporter, it was found that all of the families that were attacked were either Muggles entirely, a Muggle-born witch or wizard, or in a few rare cases, a Half-blooded witch or Wizard._

_More Stories Contained Within:_

_What the Ministry now Knows: Pg.2_

'_Lord Voldemort'? What's in the Name? Pg. 4_

_The Attacks So Far: Pg. 5_

Derek set the Prophet down on the desk that he used for his homework, which happened to be a lot cleaner than the desk that his father used. Well, now this was interesting. On the day that it comes out in the Prophet that this new "Dark Lord" or whatever had named himself, his parents go missing and don't bother to accost him for being a disgrace to the family name. For one thing, it sure sounded like this "Lord Voldemort" or whatever, would be the kind of person to rally his parents, what with killing all the people they hated.

Derek was a little torn about the killings… On the one hand, it would truly serve the purpose to weed out all of the imperfections in the blood of wizards… but on the other, it was killing someone, and killing someone was so… so… final. Something that he couldn't imagine himself doing. He decided that this Lord Voldemort scared him. Quite a bit in fact, if all of the rumours were true. Derek, for the first time in five years, thanked God that he was Pure Blooded.

It was just after this thought, that irony decided to rear its ugly head, and he heard the arrival crack of his father. "DAMMIT! ULA!" He screamed. Ula appeared with her own crack and they began to talk quietly. Derek's mother appeared with her own crack, but instead of joining the conversation with the House Elf and her husband, she headed into Derek's study. Derek made sure to sigh and prepare before the footsteps quite reached there.

"Derek!" She said, not kindly, "Are you in there?"

"Yes, Mother," Derek said obediently.

She walked into the room, and Derek had no doubt as to what was coming. Her face was hard; it had always been as far as Derek could remember. Her dark eyes were not alluring, but tense. Her black hair was cropped short, not quite to mannish proportions, but it was a close thing. She wore a dark robe with a hood, though the hood was down. Her chin was set, and Derek knew exactly what for.

"Have you changed your ways to the ways of this family?" She spat harshly.

"There was nothing to change; I have never been dishonorable in thought to this family," Derek said calmly. _Until third year_. He silently added.

"Then we have not succeeded yet. You are doing something wrong, or you would have realized that you would know what you _were_ doing wrong, and would be able to tell me why you are a Gryffindor!"

Derek, despite himself, sighed. Her eyes got angrier, but Derek continued anyway. "I do not know why I am a Gryffindor, and I have no idea how I can fix something that doesn't exist."

This time, however, she got a smirk on her face. Derek immediately went into defense mode because this was new. Up until that moment, everything had been going as it had always gone, but here was a wild card. Derek only could hope that he was prepared for whatever it was that she had up her sleeve. Little did he know that what she was about to do literally involved her sleeve. Without her smile fading or saying a word, she walked closer to him and moved up the sleeve on her right arm. A skull with a snake coming out of it's mouth was imprinted there, and pitch black.

Derek couldn't help himself. He recoiled from the gruesome image. "What _is_ that?"

"It is called the Dark Mark. To take the Dark Mark is to become a Death Eater. The Death Eaters-" But Derek didn't hear his mother's explanation. In the back of his mind, he hoped that his face had not gone ghastly white. He was right, but like many other times that he had known things about other people, he did not like to be right. A nasty thought told him that his parents had participated. Another thought argued that that was fine as long as they weeded the Wizarding World and left _him_ out of it. Not that he had much of a chance of that.

"So," his mother concluded, and Derek tuned back in. "Will you take it? Will you prove once and for all that you belong in this family?" He didn't want to have to kill anyone, but it was a nasty job to weed the population… and someone had to do it. Did that someone have to be him? But even if he wanted to refuse, how could he? How could he without making his life somehow _worse_ than the living hell that he had experienced for the past five years of his life?

It was in one instant that had attained his great idea; just before his mother got impatient with him. "I'm not ready."

His mother seemed taken aback by this answer. It apparently was not one that she was expecting. Taking advantage of the lack of confidence in his mother, Derek pressed on. "I've just finished my fifth year. Tell me what I need to do to be worthy of such a high honor and I will study it up and be ready by the time I'm ready to enter my seventh year." Wow, his brain had hit the jackpot for once. His mother measured him with steel in her eyes.

"That sounds… reasonable. And you will prove that you want it by doing it all yourself-" She was making it sound like it was her idea! "-and then you will be family. Not before."

Derek simply nodded at his mother. She left the room after pulling her sleeve down over her arm. Derek sat back in his chair, stunned by what he had just succeeded in doing. If he was on a roll, his mother would assuage his father, and he would have a year and a summer to figure out everything. The problem was that he didn't know if he had enough time, despite the year that he had just bought for himself.

He only sat at his desk for a few moments before he stood up and replaced the copy of the Daily Prophet back on the pile where he had found it. He then walked out of his father's study right into his father himself. He quickly apologized "I am so sorry, Father, I did not mean to-"

"Stuff it," his father said, cutting him off. He slapped a roll of parchment against his son's stomach. It smarted, but it did not really hurt. "Here is a list of things for you to learn. If you succeed with all of them to be ready by the beginning of your seventh year, then you will be accepted. As a Fugue, as a Death Eater, as a Wizard. Don't you dare fail me, I will kill you if you don't make me proud of what you do for our name." He then stepped around Derek and walked into his study, closing the door. Derek was left holding the parchment. The risks just got slightly higher.

Of course, he had counted on being of the age of majority so that if he chose against his parents, he could escape them. Not that he expected to be able to, just that it was legal to do so. And further, legal to do magic outside of school. Oh, how he wished that he could use magic then… talk to a… friend. Talk to a friend. Brilliant. He needed to talk to Sarah. The other person who was in a similar situation at home. So that was to be his destination. But there was something else. Something that Derek thought of at that moment that made so much sense, he wondered why he hadn't thought of it before.

He ran up to his room, placing the roll of parchment on the bedside table, noting that he would hang it up later to make a show of checking off things as he learned them so that his parents would know that he was moving along. He would probably have to fake learning a few things… especially until he came to a decision about what he was going to do. He grabbed his trunk and opened it, and rummaged through his school supplies until he found a quill, ink and blank parchment. He sat down and began to write.

_Dear Theo,_

_I hope this letter finds you well, as I have not written you in a long time. Okay, I have never written you ever, but I hope that you will hear me out before throwing this letter into the fire wherever you are._

_I want to know what it is like staying away from the Fugue family out there. To me, you were always the elder brother, but my parents have truly forgotten about you. I may have not had the same problem you had, but I definitely have a problem. I would like to talk about it with you. I hope you can put aside our differences long enough to help me with this problem, as I think you may be the only one who can help me._

_Sincerely, Your Brother,_

_Derek Fugue_


	6. Identity

**Chapter 5: Identity**

Derek woke up early the next morning. "Early", of course, being a relative term. In this case, relative to noon. It was a little after ten when Derek rose. He got out of the bed and dressed in muggle clothing. He had a plan. A plan that used his genius from the previous day to his advantage. There were many things he had to get done that day, and he didn't want to waste any time being held up by his mother. Not that he thought they'd stop him if he was going. He could just say that he was off to do research in Knockturn Alley, and they would most likely leave him alone.

He went downstairs to eat something, asking Ula to get him whatever his parents had had this morning. Of course, they hadn't had breakfast, so Derek rolled his eyes and asked for toast. After eating it quickly, Derek asked Ula to tell his parents that he would be doing research today in Knockturn Alley. Ula nodded and said that she would, and that she was happy that Derek had decided to follow his parent's wishes for once. Derek was disgusted that she gave him so little credit, but what could he do?

He went back up to his room to load his pockets with some gold, and a slip of paper, folded carefully, went into another pocket. Then his wand, but that went without saying, really. He would need it to call the Knight Bus. He was pretty sure that he wouldn't need it for any other purpose, as he was still underage, and all he could really do in regard to the list that his father had prepared for him was research unless he was at school until he reached his majority. He was sixteen already, and it would not be long until he came of age in November.

Until then, he had to content himself with the Knight Bus as a decent mode of transportation. He really wanted to ride his broom instead, but that could take hours longer than the Bus would, though he had no idea how the Bus was able to pull that off. He never was really sure what the Bus was, or even if his parents minded him traveling it. At this point, he didn't really care about the latter point, but he might make inquiries about the former. There were many things that he meant to do in the year and three months that he had until it began. Including finding out what "it" was.

His owl cage was sitting emptily on the table across the room from the bed. It sat directly below the large list that Derek had put up the night before. One reminded him of the fact that he sent a letter to his brother directly under the nose of his parents. He didn't know whether he regretted the decision or not, only that he hoped that it wasn't in vain that he tried to contact him. He could deal with his parents if they found out, but he really wanted to know whether Theo would help him or not. And if he wouldn't… where else could he turn?

Hence, the trip that day. He bounded down the stairs, aware that his parents were both most likely out. He wanted to get to his day as quickly as possible. After all, he had a lot to do, if he included all of the things he was supposed to do as well as what he wanted to do. He wanted… no, he needed… to talk to Sarah. He wasn't sure what her home life was like, but she had survived to the age of sixteen just like he had. She had to have some sort of insight on what he could do for himself. Even if she didn't, he imagined that the past hours had not been that easy for her. It was a new feeling, this concern for a… friend. But it was Sarah; things like that with Sarah didn't seem so odd anymore.

He stepped outside, and then walked further away from the house. He had interesting stories about traveling by the Knight Bus, but he wasn't sure which ones were true and which ones were not. He wanted to be as safe as possible. If the Manor got smashed by the Bus, he wouldn't be able to talk his way out of that one. His left hand, holding his wand, flew out horizontally, as he had been told. Immediately, there was a bus coming at him… though not _quite_ right at him.

It had to be the ugliest thing that Derek had ever seen.

It was a triple-decker abomination on wheels, and it acted like it too. The purple colouring didn't help either. Derek was not familiar with muggle busses, but had he been, he still would have been quite disgusted. In any case, the bus stopped directly in front of him, and a man… well, he was on the edge, and Derek was assuming… stepped out of the bus. He said, formally, "Welcome to the Knight Bus, a service for stranded witches and wizards. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board, and we can take you anywhere you want to go." He stuck out his hand. "I am Fred Telsie. You can just call me Fred, if you wish. I will be your conductor today."

"Uh… thank you?" Derek managed to get out.

"Well? Come aboard!" Fred said with far too much enthusiasm, and he hauled Derek up onto the bus. "Where do you wish to go?"

Derek pulled out the slip of paper and read the first thing listed there. "39 Sun's Way, Freeland, North Wales."

"Ah! Got it then," Fred replied. "You got that, Ern?" Derek blinked, and then took a look at the driver that Fred had turned around to address. It was an elderly man, he couldn't be any younger than sixty, but he seemed to have a head on his shoulders. He didn't give Fred an audible answer, just a nod. This seemed to suit Fred just fine. "The fee's 16 sickles, unless you want extras, like a meal."

Derek shook his head. "That won't be necessary." He handed the correct money from his pocket over to the conductor who thanked him.

"Make yourself at home," Fred told him, before leaving to go to another level. A second later, without warning, there was a lurch, and a loud BANG! Derek was thrown into an armchair that had been sitting nearby the doorway. Looking around, he realized that the whole level was full of armchairs like that, and he was really glad that this one seemed to have decided to catch him for the moment. He also realized that they weren't anywhere near Fugue Manor. They were traveling down a different street, and there was something very odd about the street.

Derek didn't stand up, but he did look out the windshield. What he saw made him gape. The bus was not exactly the most graceful thing to move, he could easily see, and it wasn't like the ability of the driver was helping at all, so instead there was a different reason why he was still alive at the moment. The things that were getting in the way of "Ern"'s driving were jumping out of the way. A dustbin here, a postbox there, even bits of fence, even cars that were parked along the street. Derek didn't understand anything about the items that were jumping out of the way, but the effect of such jumps were not lost on him.

Derek didn't know how long he had been watching the strange things jumping out of the way of the driver's terrible driving before Fred sat down next to him. He laughed at Derek's expression. "Yes, I remember seeing it for the first time too. Old Ern's got no skill at all, and yet he has never hit anything. Anyway. You never told me your name…?"

Derek shrugged. "Derek Fugue."

Fred simply nodded; he had no other reaction, which caused Derek to look at him a little strangely. Fred took no notice. "Well then, Derek. The driver's name is Ernie Prang, and normally I'd strike up a conversation that would concern the both of you, but currently Ern is giving me the silent treatment." He raised his voice. "I hope at some point Ern comes to his senses so we can talk about Quidditch." Ernie made no response, and Derek slid down further into his chair. He wanted to get off the bus as soon as possible.

Thankfully, it was only five minutes of Fred's attempts to strike up a conversation with Ernie that Derek had to deal with. They had reached his destination, and Fred informed him of that. Rather tersely, it seemed to Derek, but he didn't care as long as they let him off. They did, and with another BANG, they were gone. Derek was suddenly not looking forward to the return trip nearly as much as he had before, and that had been an iffy prospect to begin with.

He stood at the front of a homely house on the side of a very wide path. It was the main road within the community of Freeland, but since there were no muggles in Freeland, there were no cars or need for a paved street. So the main street was simply a glorified path. This suited Derek just fine, he didn't really feel like having any conversations with muggles anyway. And besides, it proved for a fact that he wasn't consorting with the wrong kind of person in Sarah. The problem was figuring out what was wrong with her home.

Derek stood at the threshold to the property without moving for several minutes. He found that he was nervous, and could not tell exactly why. When he finally mustered the bravery to move into the yard, it was haltingly. He had to force himself to climb the steps, and rap on the front door. But just as he was about to rap, a loud voice slammed into him from inside the house, and he nearly fell backward from the force of it.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU HAD 'TROUBLE' ON YOUR DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS EXAM!" It was male, hugely powerful, and obviously drunk.

"I-" Sarah… "I am not… that good…"

"WHAT! YOUR PARENTS ARE _AURORS_, YOU WHELP! DID IT EVER POSSESS YOU TO ASK FOR HELP!" Derek, his ears still ringing, heard a barely concealed hiccup, and he began to creep around the house to the nearest window. For some reason the window's blinds were up, and Derek could see inside the room that Sarah and her attacker were in. Sarah was sitting on the couch, her face buried in her hands. Derek wouldn't be surprised if she were crying. He did not notice that he had balled his fists up.

Sarah had not made a response, and this made her… father?... only attack anew. "WELL! DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING WITTY TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?" Sarah still did not respond, and the man left the room in disgust. Derek was watching through the glass closely for… he didn't know how long. Eventually, he knocked on the window quietly. Sarah looked up, completely scared. When she saw him in the window, she gasped, then looked around frantically, then walked over to the window. She silently pointed to the front door, and then she was gone.

Derek could take a hint. He stalked quietly over to the front stoop of the house and waited for Sarah to come out. About five minutes passed before she did, apparently she had had to do something first. Derek didn't ask her anything about it. Instead, he began to apologize. "I'm sorry for overhearing that…"

Sarah, whose glum face looked as if nothing would ever lift it, actually cracked a wry smile at Derek's words. "Overhearing? You probably could've 'overheard' him at Hogwarts."

Sarah's attempt at humour was definitely good enough for Derek. He smiled. "Probably. So, do you want to talk about it? We could go for a walk in Diagon Alley, or Freeland if you wish…"

Sarah, through her obviously glum mood, had noticed something about Derek, which made Derek pause. "Am I that obvious?"

Sarah shook her head. "Something happened."

Derek nodded. "All the more reason we need to talk. Will you come?"

Sarah sat down on the stoop. "I guess. It's not like he'll get any worse just because I actually did something wrong for once." She looked mildly thoughtful for a moment, but he mood didn't seem very improved. "How will we get to Diagon Alley?"

Derek grinned, pulling out a small package from his back pocket. "Flooing. I couldn't do it from my house to yours, as my parents would have found out that I didn't just go to Knockturn Alley, as I had told them. But we can use a public Floo place… there _is_ one here, isn't there?"

Sarah nodded, rising. "Yes, it's about, say, a quarter-mile up the street. I don't think you even need the powder, but it's always nice to be certain." She sighed. "I didn't want you to see that."

Derek motioned for her to lead the way to the public Floo. "I didn't want to intrude either, but it only confirmed something I thought I already knew."

"What is that?"

"That you know a little bit about disappointing your parents. You've already given an example of that."

Sarah looked blank.

Derek leaned in. "You're coming with me, not telling your father. Surely that means that this is a method that works for you."

Sarah shook her head. "I left a note. I lied to him, yes, but I'll get what I said on the note done while I'm out."

Derek blinked for a moment as they walked. "Sounds a lot like what I did."

The silence was companionable all the way to the public Floo. It was a small pub with many fireplaces lining all of the walls. Three were for entry, and there were a few wizards standing in front of one brushing each other off. The other three were for leaving. Sarah had been right; there was no need for powder, as the fires were constantly ready to take wizards and witches to other places. Both teens called out "Diagon Alley!" before stepping into their respective fires.

They came out in The Leaky Cauldron. No one paid too much attention to them except the barkeeper, who asked them if they wanted anything. They both gave false cheery "No"s, but the barkeep didn't press. Sarah and Derek walked out of the back of the pub to the brick wall that separated the place from Diagon Alley. Derek quickly did the necessary tap, and the way opened. They both walked through to find a very sparse alley. Of course, both of them had only really been there right before each school year to pick up supplies, and it was much more crowded then.

They went to Fortiscue's out of a silent consensus for ice cream. Once seated with their ice cream, they did not eat, nor did they talk. They watched the alley, not discussing the people or things that they saw, but taking them in nonetheless. There was a new broom that was going to come out once August rolled around, apparently it was designed with first learners in mind, so instead of the normal boys gathering around the display, it was a few new mothers who stopped for a moment to look at it. This amused Derek a little.

Derek finally broke the silence. "I assume you've heard of this… Lord…"

But Sarah cut him off. "Yes! Yes, I've heard of him. _Please_ don't say his name…"

Derek was slightly confused by the request, but he complied anyway. "Alright. Anyway… my parents have, well, thrown their lot in with his." Sarah gasped. "That's not all." Sarah was looking at him wide-eyed, not seeming to be taking it well. Derek fumbled for a moment as to whether to go on, when he was prompted by Sarah.

"…Go on…?"

Derek sighed. "They wanted me to throw my lot in as well." Sarah gasped again, this time, she seemed a little frantic. Derek reached across the table and clasped her hand. In an instant, she was unmoving, if not calm. "I delayed it… I told them that I wasn't ready, that they should tell me what I should do to be worthy of such an 'honor'."

Sarah was still wide-eyed. "So… what does that mean, exactly?"

Derek finally took a bit of his ice cream. When he had swallowed, he said, "The ice cream is good as ever, you should start eating." To his satisfaction, she did. "It means that I have time to figure out who I am… and whether I can afford to say no to my parents."

Sarah was shaking from across the table, and Derek had a feeling that his right hand holding her left was the only thing that kept her at the table. His voice lowered. "I am afraid of him. Lord-… You-Know-Who. I don't know if I could ever kill anyone… I don't think I am cut out to be pureblooded."

Sarah looked down at her ice cream. "Does blood really matter?"

"What?" Derek asked, skeptical. Of course blood mattered! It determined what kind of person you were. It determined your station in life. _Your brother is pureblooded. Where did that get him?_ Derek silenced the second voice.

"You've always asked," Sarah said, "why you were put in Gryffindor. After what you said on the train yesterday, with what you told me today…" she faltered, but forced herself to press on. Her look took on determination. "Maybe you are in Gryffindor because of the choice that you are about to make. Maybe you are in Gryffindor because you need Gryffindors around you as you make this choice."

"If I wasn't in Gryffindor, I probably wouldn't have had this problem at all…" Derek pointed out, but he left part of it out. _We would be enemies. I would be as ruthless as Snape, or Malfoy, or any of the other Slytherins that were arrayed against the Marauders…_ But where did he stand then?

Sarah looked like she wanted to say something, but Derek stopped her but holding up his free hand. "Not that… you, Helga and I have had some good times, Sarah, I won't deny that. And I am not complaining about my predicament, I am fixing it. But I think we can leave that question until I figure out more things about myself…

"I have to know who I am. Sure, I am Derek Fugue, now the only son of Gerard and Helena Fugue, member of Gryffindor House, and I have been offered a place among a group that… kills… people for what they believe… what I think I believe… is a noble cause. This is all complicated, and all well and good, but what does that all mean? What does that all add up to? I have to know that, and that will be something that changes my life."

Sarah took a few deep breaths, then she squeezed his hand. "I'll help you find out."


	7. Marauder Encounter

**Chapter 6: Marauder Encounter**

June crept into July, and the passing of the months could only be told by the ripping pages of calendars, as each day was identical in weather. Each a balmy 25 to 28 degrees, each one beginning with Derek's leaving Fugue Manor in pursuit of knowledge, and each evening coming back to cross off items on the grand list that hung on his wall. Some days there were several items to cross off, other days Derek came back frustrated and did not cross off anything at all. Helena Fugue had noticed the list in her son's room, and checked it on a daily basis. Strangely, she did not berate him, and his father was no different in their treatment of him.

It made it all the easier to keep everything up. On some days, Derek went to see Sarah, and the Knight Bus was getting used to his excursions. Fred had taken an interest in Derek's affairs, but Derek had thus far avoided any major glitch in his system. On especially good days, Derek would be able to go to Knockturn or Diagon Alley and be able to cross off an item or two after talking with Sarah, and discussing their first talk together. The routine was so set that Derek was very surprised when his owl came back through his window on the night of July 5th.

The night was warm, and Derek's window was open as he was reading through one of the materials recommended for those going into NEWT Arithmancy. He was hoping for his OWL scores by post, so when Hendrik came in the window, he jumped up, but when he saw Hendrik, he was confused for a moment. "What do you have there…" but he never finished his question. Hendrik had dropped the letter on his book, directly on the passage that he was just reading.

_Derek Fugue, Fugue Manor, 2 Ravine Boulevard, Old Ravine_

Derek blinked for a moment, then comprehension dawned within his mind, and with it dawned a smile that rivaled the one that he had been able to muster when Sarah and he had come to terms. He tore the letter open to get at the inside of the letter.

_Dear Brother,_

_It is never good to talk about one's problems over post. Especially over post. So instead, I recommend that we meet somewhere neutral, such as the only place that I ever liked in London._

_Meet me there on July 8th, and pardon the delay. I do not live in Britain anymore, and it takes a while for post to reach me, and will take me a bit to get over there. Don't worry about me, and be there at noon._

_Theo_

Derek frowned. Why was he being so secretive about it? Not that he didn't know where Theo had liked it in London. Well, if he wanted to be secretive, that was the way to be. There was a small pub just down the street from the Leaky Cauldren that Theo had found a little before his tenth birthday. From then on, visits to Diagon Alley always included an expedition to find Theo. Derek had always liked the game because he always knew where his brother was. Theo would tell him just before he went off. It took a while for their parents to figure it out.

On the night of July 19th, when Theo was slated to go to Hogwarts the following September, he had taken his brother out to the enormous backyard of Fugue Manor, and they had laid down on a particular patch of grass and had talked most of the night about how life would be different with him in school. How they wouldn't be able to play that trick on their parents anymore. The one thing that Theo had told Derek that night that had stuck with him was

"_No matter where I am, or what I am doing, I will always be your brother"_

Then he was disowned by the family for being a Squib, and Derek had never seen him again. So he had been nervous, finally getting the nerve and the reason to disobey his parents to contact his brother. He wasn't sure whether his brother would hold himself to the tenet that he had set to himself that night. But it seemed that he had, and no matter what their parents did, they would still be brothers. Well, that made things a little easier to take. Derek's journey would be a little easier for him.

But there was a project that had to be done, and as Derek fell asleep that night, he felt the stress of that decision on him heavily. After all, he didn't have a very good track record with the Marauders.

The next morning began as any other. Derek took the same breakfast as usual, took a little bit of gold for his excursion, and summoned the Knight Bus. This time, however, he asked that the Knight Bus take him to a different address on the slip of paper that he carried in his pocket.

"4 Main Street, Delany, North Wales."

Fred seemed a little surprised by this turn of events. "Well," he reasoned, "you _are_ paying for it. Ern'! You heard 'em!" And with a BANG, the Knight Bus was off to its destination, and Derek's stomach was off to the races. It was not every day that one approached someone they considered a tireless enemy of theirs with the olive branch waving. Derek could only hope that James remembered the good times.

There was one place that the entirety of Gryffindor accepted Derek into their fold. He was another chaser for the team. James Potter was the star of the team, and got most of the attention, but there was no denying who Derek was. There wasn't a person rooting for Gryffindor who did not respect that Derek was Potter's support in the scoring department. Within the confines of the Quidditch pitch, the two were inseparable; always thinking of ways to better fool the opposition and give Gryffindor a significant lead before they caught the Snitch.

He was accepted or not accepted due to his ability. Nothing more and nothing less. It didn't matter that off the pitch the rest of the team abhorred him, it didn't matter that James was a prat, it just didn't matter. Nothing did. Just how well you could play. And Derek was not in denial; James Potter can play Quidditch. Nor was Potter in denial; Derek Fugue could play Quidditch. They would both readily admit it, without comparing themselves to each other in any way. It didn't matter.

But Quidditch would have to wait until September. Until then, there was this list that Derek had to complete for his parents… for himself. And there was today, where Derek was trying to deal with James without the Quidditch shield protecting him. Armed only with his wits, Derek was going to try to talk to James Potter about the decision he was going to make. In the past few weeks, he had realized that he had not yet thought of anyone who was affiliated with the other side of his choice to talk to. He realized that he already knew what they would say, and all of this research was to determine what it felt like to be on the other side.

And whether it would be worth it.

It was far too soon when the Bus stopped, and Fred announced that they had arrived at Derek's intended destination. He got off, making sure that Fred and Ernie both were kept in the dark as to his attitude about where he was going. When the Bus had disappeared with yet another BANG, Derek stepped up to the entrance of Potter Manor with a sigh. He stood there for much longer than he had stood at the entrance to Sarah's house. He had been sure about Sarah, sure that she would help him and that he could help her. But this was different. There was little in common that Derek could count on to help him like Sarah's plight had.

With a deep breath… and then another… Derek opened the gate and stepped inside the property. With a crack, a House Elf appeared directly in front of him.

Big eyes looked up at him. "Billy must enquire as to your name and purpose to your visit to Potter Manor!" He squeaked, somehow perturbed.

Derek stalled a moment. "Uh…" He realized that this was the first test, long before he was face to face with James. "Derek Fugue here to see James Potter."

The Elf bowed. "I shall tell him you have arrived, please proceed up the path." With another crack, he was gone. Derek was used to Ula doing such things to guests, but it sure was different having it happen to himself. So this is what it was like for those people who came up to the house, only to be yelled at once they got there, and forcibly removed. Wow, it was not easy to approach a rich wizard's house.

After trudging up the path and enjoying the view, Derek reached the Manor. It was definitely similar to his own home, though not exactly. It didn't look quite as… foreboding as his own. Perhaps it was… more homey? No, that would be too weird.

"Derek?" A female voice said.

Derek looked at the door, startled both that he had gotten that far, and that it was already open. "Yes, ma'am," he said automatically.

"You're on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team with James, aren't you?"

"Yes, ma'am." _It's a good thing she didn't ask if we were friends._

"Come on in, James will be down to see you soon. He just woke up."

"Thank you, ma'am." Well, that made things easier. A nice parent and a sleeping James. Mrs. Potter (or so Derek assumed that's who she was) led him into a sitting room. When she left him, Derek noticed that she had the hazel eyes of her son, and he seemed to have inherited her facial shape. A quick glance of his father revealed the famous messy black hair and glasses, but the eyes were a dull brown, and the face was much sharper than his wife and son's. They both disappeared, and Derek was left without anyone in sight or earshot, and waiting for what could turn out to be the most humiliating moment of his life.

And that was saying something.

The Marauders had formed themselves very early in their Hogwarts career. They had picked on two particular people with almost no exception in the first year, and there was no question as to why. Derek Fugue, and Severus Snape. Derek had been impossible that year, especially at the beginning, when he still mistakenly thought that Slytherins would back him up. Even his partner in misery at the hands of the Marauders was never willing to join forces against them. Snape and Derek had their own cursing matches and had to watch for attacks on two fronts.

There had been many embarrassing moments for Derek, but the one that smarted the most was the one that afterward he realized that there would be no redemption for him in the way that he was.

_The rain could be heard through the Great Hall's roof, and the ceiling reflected the dismal weather that was outside. Derek watched it, unaware that there were two different mischiefs that were about to occur to him. He had just finished his dinner, and stood up to leave the Great Hall. At that moment, Snape, Bellatrix Black, Sirius Black, Potter and Pettigrew also stood. Remus was not at the table to eat. Derek walked out into the Foyer of the Castle only to be met by a laughing hex. Snape had an evil grin on his face when Derek looked at him, and Derek proceeded, still laughing up the stairs in the direction of the Hospital Wing._

_Unfortunately, he was also heading in the direction of Gryffindor Tower, and that meant that the Marauder's prank would also hit him. He was clutching his chest, laughing and barely able to walk, when he walked directly into the line of sight of both Black and Potter. They both shot curses at him and he fell to the ground, laughing, spouting hives and something else that he couldn't tell what it was. Potter and Black ran away, leaving Derek there, laughing, breaking out in hives, and trying desperately to stop the tears. It was not over yet._

_Bellatrix Black's face suddenly swam into view above his head. Her smirk only dwarfed by the evil glint in her eyes. "It looks like no one likes a blood traitor, hmm? Stop pretending that you are pureblooded. You do not deserve such a title."_

Derek was brought back to the present by the presence of a tear on his cheek. He quickly wiped it away, blinking rapidly to dissuade other tears from joining the first. That night he had sat in the Hospital Wing, crying and desperately trying not to. The old Mediwitch there let him stay because of his distress. After that night, Derek had grown quiet and introverted. The Marauders stopped bothering him as much as they used to, and even Snape didn't really attack him so much anymore. The war became more of a fight between Snape and the Marauders.

Suddenly, James was in the room, but nothing about the first sight of the encounter was going as expected. James's eyes were drawn, and the circles underneath were purple and very easy to see. He yawned as he reached the room, giving Derek a moment to see him before James saw him back. When the yawn was done, James didn't even have the reaction that Derek was expecting. Dreading. Instead, he walked over and sat on another chair. "Come to tell me bad news?" James asked.

Derek was flabbergasted. "I… I have no idea about any bad news. I just wanted to talk." He had a whole thing prepared, to get him to listen to him… but it had all flown out the window with this strange turn of events.

It was James's turn to be confused. "You mean… there's nothing wrong with Sirius?"

Derek gave James a blank look. "No, I know of nothing wrong with Sirius Black. Should I know something?"

James stood up, busy in his thoughts. "I only figured… because you'd be inside of all of the pureblood circles…"

"That's what I want to talk to you about."

James's eyes snapped to Derek's. "What?"

"That's what I am here to talk about. Being pureblooded."

James sat down heavily, a guarded look on his face. "I don't know why you came to talk to me… I don't think I'm the right one to talk to."

Derek narrowed his eyes. "But you _are_ pureblooded." It was a statement, not a question.

James nodded, not changing his position. "Yes, I am a member of a pureblood family, though we're considered blood traitors to a lot of the pureblood families, which is why I'm surprised that you're here at all…" A look of comprehension appeared on James's face, "unless you aren't accepted either." Derek was silent. "Of course you aren't," James continued, not looking at Derek. "You and Sirius are Gryffindors, and yet from families that are not generally in that House. I see it now…"

James sat down close to Derek and directly opposite him. He took on such a concentrated look that Derek leaned back into the chair he was sitting in. "Come to your senses, have you?"

"What…?"

"Realize that you can't believe in that rubbish when nobody believes that you are worth any of it?" Derek was shocked, and therefore remained silent. "If not that, then why are you here?"

Derek opened his mouth, but nothing came out. James had gotten down to the business at hand way too fast. Derek hadn't even mentioned the details of why he was there, and yet James was pressing him about the very subject that he wanted to talk about. He opened his mouth for another try, and when he closed it the second time, James shook his head. Derek blushed and finally managed "Where…did that come from?"

James stopped snickering and his face became deadly serious. He leaned in. "I'm right?"

Derek took a deep breath. "I need to know who I am… Gryffindor, pureblood notwithstanding. I need to know who I am."

James nodded, thoughtfully. "Alright. I'll make you a deal."

Derek was confused. What in Merlin's name would James want from him? "State your terms."

"You help me help Sirius, and I will help you."

Derek blinked. "Will he like that much?"

James smiled for the first time. It was a wistful a smile, a smile of nostalgia. "No… No. I don't imagine he will." He returned to a serious face. "Regardless of that, I think I need help. And not help that Remus or Peter could provide, not tonight." Derek was confused by that, but he let it go.

"Alright then, tell me what's going on."


	8. A Double Escape

**Chapter 7: A Double Escape**

Derek was sitting on the porch of number 13, Grimmauld Place. He was absently "honing" the knives that he had piled to one side of him. He wasn't really sure what in Merlin's name that meant that he was doing, but he kept doing it because his partner said it was a good reason to be sitting on the porch. Derek couldn't imagine why anyone would need so many knives though. He still wasn't sure whether this would work.

He cast a glance over to the "next-door" neighboring house. James Potter was sitting there, doing something equally mindless, though he had not shared what it was that he was doing. Derek couldn't see him to try to figure it out, either. Not that he'd know. Apparently this was a place that Muggles were on occasion, and they had to be doing things that a Muggle might do on their porch. Even if it was in the middle of the night.

Derek only hoped that the people in numbers 11 and 13 Grimmauld Place were really on vacation.

James had told him all sorts of things that he was still processing in his head as that morning had faded into afternoon, and then to evening. The first was the one that he was the most leery about. Sirius Black lived at number 12 Grimmauld Place. And yet, here Derek was, honing knives or whatever on the front porch of number 13, and _next door_ was James Potter who was sitting on the front porch of number 11, doing Merlin knows what. And there was no number 12.

Now, Derek rationalized to himself that this was magic. Of course it was; any pureblood family forced to live this close to muggle quarters took precautions. Derek was merely surprised that he, as a pureblood, and James as another pureblood, could not see the house if it truly did exist. Why did they need to be invisible from fellow purebloods? There was no reason that came to mind to Derek, and that's why he wasn't very happy with this turn of events. The other events actually encouraged him, in a way.

Sirius Black was stuck in a similar situation that Derek was. Not that it was exactly the same… Sirius knew where his loyalties lay… he knew who he was and what that meant. Something that Derek did not have. But that was the main difference between the two of them. Sirius was in a family that did not particularly think that he was loyal to his own blood. In Sirius's case, of course, they were right. So James had told him that it had become unbearable in the last few days, and Sirius was planning on running away.

"_So, what does that mean for us?" Derek asked, still leaning back on the couch in the receiving room of the Potter Mansion._

"_It means," James said, leaning in, "that we need to be there to make sure he succeeds."_

_Derek looked dubious. "And you need me?"_

_James sighed. "I can't do it alone. Remus is otherwise occupied for the next few days and it's hard to get him out of the house anyhow. Peter is sick and can't help… so I'm the only one of us that can do this."_

"_And that's why you need me."_

"_Bingo."_

Derek did wish that he wasn't so bored. They had been sitting there for what seemed like many hours, but Derek knew that it had really been less than an hour. The sun was not quite entirely set yet, and its last feeble rays were peeking over some of the other buildings in western London. Soon no rays of light would reach them at all, and that was when James said it was likely to happen. If Sirius could take care of what happened within the house, it stood to reason that he would be able to get out of there on his own… But James had made a deal, and Derek was fully intent on keeping his part of the deal up.

James looked up at the darkening sky, seemingly gauging the amount of sunlight that was left. Since Sirius had not given them a specific time, just sunset, it stood to reason that they both should be ready at a moment's notice. James nodded at Derek, and he returned it. Be ready, the instant things began to happen, they would happen very quickly. Sure that the knife he was holding needed no more "honing", Derek switched with one of the knives he hadn't done yet, and continued to work.

All of a sudden, Derek spotted Black, running straight out of a house that had not been there in the first place, and Derek felt a funny feeling that the porch he was sitting on had just been pushed aside to let the new house in. It was quite the grand place, but Derek couldn't dwell on that. He and James rose and sprinted down to the entrance of the house that had just appeared. James ran after Sirius with his invisibility cloak and broom in hand, while Derek ran as if he had come from number 12 instead of number 13.

Sirius had kept his word, and with a little effort on Mr. Potter's part, Derek looked from the back exactly as Sirius did, down to every stitch of clothing. Derek only hoped that Sirius was away before…

"SIRIUS BLACK! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

…his mother got out of the house.

Derek was to keep running until a particular thing happened. But once that happened, he only had a few moments before he had to call the Knight Bus and get on. He had to make it look like Sirius had gotten on the Knight Bus before Mrs. Black was able to figure out that he wasn't her son. So that she would waste precious time trying to find him on the train, and having the only one that she could find be him. It had to be very fast.

Derek felt ready, and threw out his arm the instant that Mrs. Black yelled again. "SIRIUS! I SEE YOU!"

The Knight Bus appeared with a BANG, nearly drowning out the second sentence. Derek hopped on and said to Fred, "Diagon Alley!"

"SIRIUS! YOU GET BACK-"

"You heard him, Ern'!"

The Bus disappeared with another BANG! as Mrs. Black Apparated to right next to the Bus to try to grab Derek. She only managed to barely graze the back of the cape that he was wearing. The instant that the Bus was gone, Derek pulled a small vial out of his pocket, and drank it down. The back of him returned to exactly as it had been that morning when he had left his home. He only had time to sit down heavily before the Bus changed again with another BANG! Mrs. Black got on next.

"WHERE IS MY SON!" She screamed at Fred and Ernie, and without waiting for an answer she turned on the rest of the bus, who was looking at her aghast. Derek's insides squirmed at the fury on her face, but he forced his face to remain calm, something that he had been teaching himself for the past five years. He prayed desperately that he would not show a chink in the armor.

Mrs. Black walked up to Derek, and picked him up bodily by his shirt. It ripped slightly, but Derek pretended not to notice. "WHERE IS HE!"

"I haven't seen Sirius on the bus, ma'am." It was working!

"HOWEVER NOT!"

"Well, I just got on and slept for a while. Maybe he came on while I was sleeping."

Mrs. Black dropped him back into the armchair that he was in, turning her livid gaze on the rest of the passengers. She marched through them, giving each the same treatment that she had given Derek. She moved onto the second level, having had no luck with the first, but that did not mean for an instant that Derek and the rest of the passengers that night did not know what was going on. They couldn't always hear the answers to her questions, but they could always hear Mrs. Black's voice. Derek found an ounce of satisfaction rise in him when he heard her voice start to get hoarse.

She came back down, having had no luck, quite livid. More livid, in fact, than she was when she had first gotten on the train. She marched down the aisle again, and every passenger shied away from her as she passed. She walked up to Fred. She spoke in a deadly tone. "Have you seen my son?"

White-faced, Fred could only manage to shake his head.

"Then let me off at Grimmauld Place. NOW!"

Fred jumped, and told Ernie in a shaking voice to do it, and the Bus rocked with another BANG! They were back where they started. Mrs. Black glared at all of the people she could see in turn before spinning on her heel and walking with her nose in the clouds. When she had gotten off, the only sound heard for the next five minutes was the constant BANGs that the Knight Bus used to get around. Since Derek was used to that sound, he dozed for a while until they reached Diagon Alley.

Fred gently woke him up, and Derek was mildly surprised to find that he was laying on a bed instead of the armchair he had started in. Fred seemed a little quiet compared to his usual self, but he collected the fee from Derek and sent him off without a hitch, and they said their goodbyes and then with another BANG! the bus was gone.

Derek walked into the Leaky Cauldron and offered a tired hello to the barman. His name, so he said, was Tom, and he was just a barman who happened to be a good person to rant at. Then again, that was what made good barmen. Derek pulled up a stool and ordered a butterbeer to comfort his throat as he sat down to wait.

Tom handed him a butterbeer and grabbed the empty dirty glass that had been left at the spot next to Derek's and popped it into the sink behind him. Derek looked around. The Cauldron was rather empty that evening, with three at the bar, and only about ten or so at the tables surrounding. Derek imagined that it would grow more crowded as the night wore on, but he also imagined that he would be done there before it got too crowded.

"Your friend coming again?" Tom asked him, leaning on the bar, looking around to make sure that no one needed his help for anything.

"Yup."

Tom smiled, and rapped the bar once lightly. "I like you, you pay on time, you're quiet, you don't fuss, and you're nice to that girl. I must say that's more than your parents would do."

"I know."

Tom seemed to look at him a little funnily, the smile gone from his face. "I hope you stay that way then." And he walked away, as another customer had appeared at the bar. Derek took a drink of his butterbeer and thought about that for a while. Tom had just given him advice that was particularly meaningful… was this the way the normal world thought? Did he want to think like the normal world?

He was interrupted by the arrival of Sarah. She planted herself on Derek's left side and ordered another butterbeer. Derek asked to pick up the tab, and Sarah smacked him playfully. "I always bring the money, you know." But Derek merely smiled at her, like he had always smiled at her when she did that. "So what was the progress of the day?"

Derek shook his head slowly. "You won't believe it when I tell you, but you'll have to wait a few more minutes. Someone will be joining us, and he is slightly late." Sarah was surprised, and her eyebrows rose accordingly. Derek had expected this. "You'll see," is all he would give her.

It was about seven minutes later that James Potter was sitting down on Derek's right, and Sarah was flabbergasted. "J-j-James!" She said, not concealing her surprise (or her mild crush) at all. "B-but… Derek… and… you…"

"Came to terms," James finished.

"We've come to an agreement," Derek said at the same time.

The two boys smiled at each other, and Sarah took a large swig of her butterbeer to excuse herself from talking for a bit.

"Where's Sirius?" Derek asked.

"You can talk to him tomorrow, he's laying low and out of sight for a few days, so it's better if no one sees him outside of the house."

Derek let his smile show. "Your parents let him in?"

"They did, at that." James replied. "But I think that, after all that we talked about, it would not be prudent to pull the same trick on your parents too. Especially if the only place you can think of going is my house. Can't have too many fugitive purebloods staying in my room." James' smile became wry. "Not that I'd mind you staying in the same room. We've survived pretty long like that." All three teens shared a round of laughter. Tom looked up and smiled at them, though none of them noticed.

"What did you guys do?" Sarah asked.

"It was quite simple," came James's reply. "I got Sirius out of sight as quickly as possible while Derek kept his mother busy. A little luck and amazing timing saved both of our butts, and Sirius got all the way to my house without a hitch."

"I told him everything," Derek added, "and with a few agreements, a coming to terms, and a new understanding, he agreed to help me."

"That's wonderful!" Sarah exclaimed. "Surely this is progress on your way to finding yourself?"

Derek downed the rest of his butterbeer, and placed the flagon back down on the bar. "It has," he replied. "It has many things of progress that I never knew about, including a realization that I know nothing about muggles at all, that I know nothing about many of the other witches and wizards that I attend school with, and it's all because of the way I have been brought up. Through all this, I have made a decision.

"I have decided that I will hold against no one their blood or status of birth. Lily Evans has had me constantly questioning that aspect since third year, and it's about time I believe my own eyes. The way you are, James… the way that you are more than just the jerk who ruffles his hair to get attention…" James swatted him on the back, partially playing, "… the way you are a true friend to Sirius when he needed you most. Something that I have yet to have the chance to do, much less the honor of saying that I've done it. I can honor others and still be me; that I am sure of now.

"I just have to figure out how do deal with my parents." Tom had come and filled his glass, and he took another sip.

James clapped him on the back. "That's where the Marauders and Sarah here can come in for you. We may not have been the best of friends coming into this, but you helped a Marauder when, as you said, he needed it most, and you can bet Sirius was extremely grateful for your help, and I'm sure will be willing to work with you. You've been making progress with Sarah, and it's obvious Evans will help you." James paused thoughtfully.

Sarah cut in, throwing her arms around Derek. "I knew you'd come through! I knew it the whole time, when you dealt with me despite everything that I have to deal with, and you were willing to help me with my problems at home…" she shook her head as she disconnected from him. "I'm still surprised that I wake up in the morning in my own bed, and I still have a few reasons to smile about the day ahead."

"Now the real work begins," Derek said, sliding off the stool and tossing a few knuts and a sickle on the bar. James and Sarah followed suit. Derek turned to James. "Each day me and Sarah have met here, and we will continue to do so. If the Marauders would like to join us…"

"Once a week… say… Fridays…" James said, looking up and counting on his fingers, "We'll come and meet you here to discuss things. But I do want to have you over to talk about it too. I imagine my parents will have something to say about it, and Sirius will want his two cents heard when he hears you're in the same predicament he was in just a few hours ago."

Derek smiled, and put a hand on each of his companions' shoulders as they walked toward the fire to floo home. "I hope this is the start of a very meaningful relationship."

After the three were gone, Tom quickly wiped the tear from his eye as he smiled down at the glasses being washed. He knew he could trust the Fugue kid. He always knew somewhere that he was different than his parents.

"Go get 'em, Derek," he said, quietly.


	9. Into the Dungeons

**Chapter 8: Into the Dungeons**

Days began to flap past at an alarming rate as Derek had come to one last decision that he needed to make. It was unfortunate that this one was the one that would decide whether he lived to see twenty… or nineteen… or worse. A very delicate question that required a very delicate answer. Unlike the first question that Derek had finally answered when faced with a furious pureblood witch raising hell after her son… he didn't have three years to answer this one. This one was a now or never proposition with a huge time-bomb on it, fully ready to explode.

A time-bomb that had a clear label gleaming on the front of it:

**_August 31st, 1977_**

"Aaah!" Derek gasped, thrusting himself into an upright position. He groaned. Why had Sarah told him about time-bombs? He would never be free of that vision again, he knew. He only hoped that he could get some other dream from time to time.

Derek threw off the covers of his bed and began the routine that he had always done in the morning this summer, ending with being dropped off by the Knight Bus in front of the Leaky Cauldron. He made like to go inside as usual, but when he heard the tell-tale BANG of the Knight Bus departing the street, Derek abruptly turned to head down the crowded Muggle street.

Knowing how to blend into a street full of muggles had been a matter of pride for the Fugue family, and prided themselves in the best spells and enchantments to keep Muggles in the dark about wizarding activities. Naturally, there was also a huge wardrobe of muggle clothing in the Manor, and each Fugue was brought up to know how to hide among Muggles when necessary. Upon reaching age, they were taught the secret spells of the clan… but that had not yet occurred for Derek.

So Derek's slacks and light blue collared shirt painted him as going to a slightly above casual affair, and no one paid him any notice. This, of course, also had something to do with the charms on the clothing itself. Derek had a small collection of real muggle clothing. Everything else just was spelled to transfigure into whatever clothing was needed by the wizard at the time. Derek would make his own clothes when the day came that his parents taught him the spells.

If they taught him the spells at all.

It was about a six minute walk from the Leaky Cauldron to the Spinner's Web. It was a bright little place, especially just as the lunch rush was coming into full swing. Thank Merlin it was a Thursday, or it possibly would have been impossible for the meeting to have taken place as planned. But, be it the day of the week or some other reason, there was no hitch in the plan. Derek was able to walk right in, and after looking around only once, found his brother giving a casual wave from one of the booths. Derek moved to join him.

Derek slid into the opposite side of the booth and looked at his brother. Theo had not wasted the past years, it seemed. He was a muscular one… A man at this point, he was… nineteen… wow, it certainly had been a long time. His brown hair was cut short, cropped to less than an inch, and the glasses did not detract from the overall impression that it did not matter that he was a Squib. He could take you out with his bare hands. Derek found a glimmer of happiness that Theo had been able to fill his years with something.

Derek ran a hand through his wavy brown hair. Not that anyone really thought it was wavy; it never did anything that was recognizable. It would lay flat from time to time, but Derek liked it in its perpetual half-curly half-wavy state more than he did it flat. Unlike his brother, he was in no way buff. He was a skinny kid, with freckles specking his cheeks and nose. Not the bright freckles associated with redheads, but the dark ones that looked more like paint splotches.

But none of that mattered. Both of them smiled at each other, and it was Derek who found his voice first. "It's been so long…"

Theo nodded, his smile fading. "Too long… After I had been gone for a year, I thought that you would never get the guts to contact me. I thought you had fallen too far into the blood knowledge that they kept so tight to themselves…"

Derek shrugged. "You were right, at the time."

Theo leaned in. "What changed your mind?"

Derek also leaned in. "You'll never believe me."

Theo barked once. Derek recognized it as laughter after a moment's thought. "Try me."

"A mud-" Derek coughed. "A… muggle-born witch," he amended quietly. "It's hard to not use that word…"

Theo blinked, and then leaned back in the stall. "It's hard to come back to everything in that world when I haven't been a part of it for so long…"

Derek nodded. "I wouldn't know, but I imagine so." Theo merely nodded, and Derek took this as an indication that he should continue with his story. "Anyway… it started in Third year, when we saved each other's lives. She saved me from a rather…interesting…predicament."

Theo nodded again, and Derek launched.

_Rain was obviously coming down from the sky, and it was fun to watch. As a bonus in the Great Hall, Derek did not have to worry about the drops actually striking his face. It was an enjoyable way to pass time as he waited for dinner to end. He wasn't doing anything wrong, and he wasn't doing anything that would anger anyone around him. There was no disadvantage to the activity. Derek took a sense of pleasure from the fact that no one could berate him from what he was doing. What he was doing was _his _and no one could do a thing about it._

_The cue that he was waiting for finally came as Dumbledore and the rest of the staff rose to leave the Hall. On cue, all of the students left in the hall stood and followed suit. Derek was no exception, and he tagged along the end of the group of Gryffindors as they headed in a large mass up to Gryffindor Tower. Near the back happened to be the Third Year girls, who were talking in low voices about something. Derek really didn't care what, but it often made things less boring when he could hear their conversation, no matter how mundane it was._

_Suddenly, out of nowhere, Derek found himself pulled aside between two of the suits of armor, and a hand was clapped over his mouth. He let out a shrill yell, but it did not last long, as his captor quietly muttered _"Silencio"_ behind him. He tried to move, but then he was hit with a full-body bind. Derek was forced to wait for his captor to do something. After some time had past, Derek was never sure how long, he was hauled out from the hiding place and was being floated back down the stairs, and further down the stairs when they came to the great Foyer. Into the Dungeons._

_Once down in the dungeons, Derek lost count of the amount of turns that his captor had made sure that they had made. He was completely lost, and that was probably his captor's intention. Derek knew that the traveling part was over when he was floated up right next to one of the dungeon's walls and stopped moving. He suddenly collapsed in a heap, and he felt desperately for his wand._

"_Want this?" a cold, silky voice asked behind him._

_Derek turned quickly to find himself face-to-face with seventh-year Narcissa Black, her sister Bellatrix and Severus Snape glowering in the background. Narcissa seemed to be the leader of the whole outfit, while Bellatrix was the one waving a second wand in her off-hand. "I don't think we'll be returning this, blood-traitor," Bellatrix continued, looking like a cat who was not about to kill the mouse in front of him… but only because that meant that it would no longer be a fun toy. "After all, you might be tempted to use it against those who are better than you."_

_Derek did not speak, but instead let out a low growl. "Oh?" Bellatrix looked absolutely delighted. "Does little Fugue want to play?"_

_Derek's heated glare was fixed on Bellatrix's face. "I've never had impure thoughts about blood, or you. Now will you tell me why you felt it necessary to capture me? Or will you be killing me for something that I never did?"_

_Narcissa was the one to respond, and it was this more than anything else that caused Derek to recoil to the wall. "You never did?" she spat, her wand trained on him, "if you haven't done anything wrong, why are you in Gryffindor? Why aren't you in the noble House that is dedicated to the blood that you taint within your veins!" As her voice progressively rose, Derek got progressively closer to the wall._

"_I… I don't know…"_

"_Not good enough! _Furnunculus!_"_

_Derek let out a shout as boils began popping up all across his face, and he barely restrained another shout as boils began popping up everywhere on him. The pain was burning him, and it was all he could do to keep himself silent._

"_Ready to tell us, yet?"_

"_I told you! I don't know!" Derek bit back the pain, and only let out a moan from the effort that he had exerted. He felt a flash of pride._

"_You think we believe that?" Derek's head shot up to look back at Snape. "That idiot 'Black' and the other moron Potter have their own reasons to be in Gryffindor. They are the epitome of blood traitors. That's all you can ever say about any pureblood in Gryffindor…"_

"_No…" Derek whispered._

"_What?" Bellatrix snapped, raising her own wand to join Narcissa's that was already pointing at Derek._

"_Tha-That's not true… I'm no-not a blood traitor…" Derek coughed._

"Incarcerous!_" Narcissa shrieked. The ropes that bound Derek rubbed against the boils, and this time he could not help but scream. Bellatrix's angry demeanor faded as she enjoyed the sound. Narcissa simply looked like this was normal, and Snape had no readable reaction at all._

"_Scream all you want," Bellatrix told him, her smile not at all reassuring, "No one can hear you down here."_

_Derek was laying on the floor of the dungeon, the ropes binding him tightly. He was bleeding in several places, and he could feel his robes dampening. He felt his mouth was full, and he spat to clear it. He didn't look at what color the spittle was._

"_What do you want from me!" He gasped at them._

"_Your life," Bellatrix replied, raising her wand once again._

_Narcissa pushed it down. "No. We want you to renounce your House. We want you to become a spy against the Mudbloods and Muggle-lovers that populate the place where you sleep. The place that taints you. Maybe you can be of use, instead of being a piece of slime on the bottom of Potter's boot."_

_Derek spat again, coughing. "And why do you want that?"_

"_A new age is rising, Fugue," Snape said quietly. "An age where we will have the chance to rid the world of the muggles and muggle-borns that are plaguing the halls that great Slytherin built. If you can help us, I imagine that he will reward you."_

"_He?" Derek asked, "Who are you talking about?"_

_Narcissa opened her mouth as if to answer, but then something happened. There was a flash of some sort of light, and the next thing that Derek remembered he was rolling out of the uncomfortable position that the ropes had bound him in, and the ropes were gone. His eyes wandered the space above him, wondering what had just occurred._

Am I dead? _He asked himself. But it seemed that that was not the case, as there were faces that were swimming into view above him. He could hear voices discussing things just beyond the range of his senses._

"_Goyle must…warned…"_

"_Get…Hospital Wing…just in time…"_

_He felt people moving him, and heard himself scream before he remembered nothing more._

"How did the witch you were talking about work into that?" Theo asked.

"When I woke in the Hospital Wing the next day, she was coming into the Hospital Wing to see me. When she noticed I was awake, she smiled and walked over. Before the Nurse noticed that I was up, she told me that she was glad that I was awake, and that we would talk. It wasn't then that she told me that she was the one who had told the staff that I was gone, but I figured she had something to do with it."

Theo nodded. "And you say you saved her life too?"

Derek also nodded. "Yes, though it was a little later before that happened. She had been out on the grounds one night, brooding because of one of the recent Muggle-killings had hit very close to home to her. At the time we didn't know anything about this 'Voldemort' character that has suddenly made the news these days, but the killings were just as real…"

_Derek had just retired to his dormitory for the night, and he dropped his bag into a heap that had accumulated next to his four-poster. He flopped onto his bed, thinking about the past few weeks since the attack. Narcissa had lost her prefect status and been placed in a weeks-worth of detentions, while Bellatrix and Snape had received a few detentions each because their involvement had been minor. Derek snorted to himself. If only they would be sent to Azkaban…_

_He didn't feel tired, but he didn't want to have to deal with the Marauders, who had decided to take up most of the space in the Gryffindor Common Room. He settled for a look out onto the grounds. The vantage point from Gryffindor Tower gave him a sight of the hut of Hagrid, and a little bit of the lake. Beside Hagrid's hut was the figure of the groundskeeper himself. He was rather hard to miss. But next to the lake was a figure of much smaller stature. A figure that could be missed._

_It was Lily Evans._

_Derek had to do a double take to make sure that it was her, and not some other third or fourth year. Once he had realized who it was, he remembered her reaction to the Daily Prophet that morning. With each morning came new killings, and yet no one yet knew who or what was behind it all. When the Mark was found… Lily had read about the latest victims, but instead of informing the rest of the table about it, she paled and ran from the Great Hall in a fright._

_The girls had exchanged looks and gone after her, while the Marauders had snatched up the paper and read it through. They all looked thoroughly confused by the whole thing, save Remus. He paled a bit, though Derek had to really be studying his face in order to see it. Derek had simply made note of it, and now the memory was coming in handy. _A Fugue always pays his debts. _He left the dormitory and sauntered through the Common Room, somehow dodging ridicule. He left the Tower and headed out to the grounds._

_When he got to the outside air, he understood why Lily had chosen the lake as a good place to muse. The night was cool and clear, with the bare whisper of a breeze that just barely teased the wisps of brown hair Derek had as he hopped down the steps. However, when he got to the bottom, he froze. He saw three familiar figures that were heading toward Lily's hunched form near the lake. _What was that about debts? _He asked himself as he hesitated, not knowing what to do. Suddenly, his eyes swung to Hagrid's hut. He knew he was there…_

_As soon as the decision was made, he sprinted to the hut, casting looks in the direction of the other four students on the grounds. He reached the door and knocked. He heard that boarhound that Hagrid kept start barking and Hagrid appeared in the immense doorframe a second later. "What can I do ya fer?"_

_Derek, panting from his run, simply pointed to the lake where the three had almost reached Lily, and she still had no idea. Without another word, Hagrid bounded out of the hut and across the grounds toward the figures. Derek ducked around the side of the hut, peeking around the side as he watched Hagrid sprint after the three. Derek was happy when he saw Hagrid bodily fetch the three of them at the same time and carry them back to the castle, despite the protests and exclamations of his victims. Lily simply looked up, and Derek was too far away to see her face. When Hagrid was gone, Derek headed over to Lily, who had not moved._

_When Derek sat down next to her, Lily reacted, sharply turning her head to face him. Derek shook his head. "I'm not hear to hurt you. You know we're even now?"_

_Lily blinked. "What?"_

"_I told Hagrid about those hooligans coming after you out here. I have a feeling they wanted to do something other than chat."_

_Lily's head returned to regarding the scenery on the opposite side of the lake. "I see…"_

"_You should come back to the Tower, Lily, it's getting late."_

_Lily didn't reply, but when Derek rose, she rose with him. They both walked up the winding path to the Castle and then the same path up to Gryffindor Tower. Side-by-side, neither one minding the other. When they reached the Fat Lady's portrait, Lily grabbed Derek's arm as she stopped, and Derek stopped and turned to face her._

"_You're a better person than they are, Derek," she said simply._

"_I don't know about that," was his only reply._

"And that's what started it all?" Theo asked after Derek had been silent for a time.

"Yeah. It's taken me two years to get to the point where I can actually come to accept that I'm… different. All the things that our parents said not to be, in order to not end up in the same boat as you, I am beginning to do. I'm different than they are… I don't hate you because you're a Squib… I hate myself for not contacting you sooner."

"No worries, brother. It's not exactly an easy task to disagree with our parents."

"Especially not since they joined up with that 'Voldemort' character…"

Theo suddenly clasped Derek's wrist, and Derek was so surprised at the movement that he had his wand pointing at his brother before he had even thought about what was happening. "You aren't… joking…?"

"No…" came Derek's cautious reply.

"Then this may be harder to fix than we had originally thought. The penalty here isn't banishment anymore, brother, it's death."

"I know. They relayed it as much."

Theo slowly released Derek's wrist. "This… I don't think I can help you with."

Derek felt his heart sink. "I thought…"

"Remember, Derek, I had no choice in the matter. I can only tell you some things about surviving banishment. I can't tell you anything about trying to avoid death by your parents when you aren't yet of age."

Derek sighed. "Will you at least keep in touch?"

Theo nodded and reached over to squeeze Derek's shoulder as he rose. "I will. Just don't let our dear mum and dad know, or your death will come much faster. Goodbye, Derek."

"Goodbye, brother…"

After a few minutes passed, Derek whispered. "…What has my life come to?"


	10. Dark Times

**Chapter 9: Dark Times**

After his meeting with Theo, Derek's day didn't get much better.

Despite the fact that his parents were completely convinced of his attempts to research all of the things on the list that his father had given him (They had taken to testing him of incantations and the basic theory of all he was looking at), they still got angry with him when he came home that night. He ended up in bed very sore and very bruised. Even the House-Elf wouldn't heal him. He didn't get very good sleep that night, though he really hadn't expected to. Of course, he _really_ didn't want it to be Friday right after his parents decided to keep the fear of the Dark in him. The Marauders would see him on one of his worst days.

But when the Marauders arrived in the Leaky Cauldron that evening, Derek decided that Remus must have had a similar evening. He looked about as tired as Derek felt, and there were a few visible bruises, just like Derek. The four Marauders walked to the bar where Derek had stood up to wave them over, and Sarah walked up right at that moment. The Marauders were taking in Derek's state, Derek was taking in Remus's, and Sarah was trying to take them both in at the same time.

"Dear Merlin! Remus! Derek! On the same day!" She finally squeaked.

"You know why I'm like this, Sarah," Derek mumbled, though he didn't hear what Remus had mumbled in reply.

James coughed. "Shall we sit down? I imagine everyone wants to talk about something other than the state that they're in at the moment." Derek and Remus both nodded emphatically, while Sirius and Peter exchanged glances. Sarah still simply looked shocked, and only followed them to the table that they were going to talk at when Derek pushed her gently towards it.

James and Sirius were the first to sit down, and Peter quickly followed suit, sitting next to Sirius on the other side of James. Remus and Derek slowly settled into their chairs, trying not to hurt anything on the way down, and Sarah had to be pointed into the chair beside Derek. It ended up that the four Marauders were sitting across from Sarah and Derek, as if they both represented a different party's interest.

Sirius was looking at Derek during the first silence, and it was he who spoke first. "Thank you for your part in… a few days ago. You didn't have to… and I think I can agree to a fresh start with you, see if you have changed any and such," he ended lamely, though his face was set determinedly.

_You have no idea. _Outwardly, Derek merely smiled. "Thanks."

James and Sirius then looked pointedly at Remus. He looked at both of them in turn, and said calmly, "He began to change in third year. He's been my friend most of fifth. That's not going to change now." James and Sirius seemed slightly surprised, though they were definitely satisfied. Now five heads turned to regard Peter, who seemed to be struggling with something.

James frowned, his look becoming more intense. "Peter…?"

Peter swallowed, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he said "Fine. We can try it."

James and Sirius grinned and high-fived, while Remus seemed to be studying Peter. The moment didn't last long, however, and James and Sirius had turned back to Derek and Sarah. Derek and Sarah didn't have time to react to the different reactions, and the talk began with Peter looking petulant, Remus looking intrigued, and James and Sirius excited.

Sarah started it off this time. "I heard that they are finding out more about You-Know-Who…" When she noticed that James and Sirius were giving her blank looks, she said, "The new Dark Lord…" James and Sirius looked at each other, then realization flickered across both faces.

"Ah, you mean Voldemort." Sirius said, and the reactions at the table were immediate. Sarah paled and sank lower into her chair, while Derek put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. Remus coughed, and Peter seethed.

"Don't say his _name_!" Peter spat.

James and Sirius looked confusedly at Peter, while Sarah recovered and cleared her throat. Remus shot the rest of the Marauders a look that clearly said that they'd be talking about this later. "They're connecting many things that used to be unsolved to… him… and his Death Eaters. The whole country is up in arms and facing the ministry about the apparent lack in security… And a new muggle or muggle-born family is attacked every day."

Everyone around the table shared the same grave face. James was a little paler than the rest of them, but Derek thought nothing of it. "This is the kind of thing we are dealing with. I have sufficient proof to convict my own parents… but I can't prove anything about them without putting my life wholly in their hands; I don't think I could burden anyone with the problem of keeping me on when I am a target of convicted Death Eaters. The others would not hesitate to kill me."

James and Sirius both nodded. "I'm not in a much better situation," Sirius added. "Cissy just got married to Lucius Malfoy a couple weeks ago. They both were hailed by my mother in their roles in one of the latest attacks…" he trailed off, as Tom came by with six butterbeers. Derek tried to pay him discreetly, but James insisted on taking the Marauder's part of the bill. Derek was forced to relent.

When Tom was gone, Sirius slammed his fist on the table, making the rest of them jump. "Damn it!" he scowled, "It's so maddening when you know who's doing it and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"I heard that Dumbledore has started a group to combat the Death Eaters, and it is through them that they have found so much out in such little time this summer," Remus said quietly.

James looked thoughtful. "That would definitely explain the recent progress. Dumbledore's quite the find when it comes to dealing with the Dark Arts. After all, he's famous for defeating one in 1945… And that one caused all sorts of problems."

Derek nodded. "The muggle World War was not a direct result of Grindlewald's influence, but it would have been impossible for the muggle world to not be affected. Both wars ended near the same time too."

Sarah also nodded. "If that's what we're dealing with this time…" she trailed off.

Remus finished for her, "we are living in dark times." There were murmurs of agreement all the way around the table. Silence reigned for a few minutes as the teens took sips of their butterbeer and thought on what they had just concluded.

Derek was the one who broke the silence first. "And to imagine… We're a bunch of teenagers… normal, magical teenagers… and yet our experiences place us here talking about a war that we are a part of."

James frowned into his cup. "Too much a part of. Pranking and hexing are one thing… but killing and torturing? War is not something to be happy about… much less fun to participate in."

Remus blinked. "What a mature thing to say."

"Oh, shut up, Moony."

"Besides," Sirius added, "There's not much we can do about being a part of this. When you're the son of two Death Eater-type Purebloods," he indicated himself and Derek, "And you have a conscience, then you are caught in the middle, and are forced to act on one side or the other."

Remus smiled, "I think we know which side both of you chose."

Derek smiled, blushing slightly, while Sirius simply beamed. "But, speaking of acting," Sarah cut in, "what can Derek do? He can't exactly pull the same trick as Sirius did… there isn't anywhere for him to go."

Remus nodded. "A fair point. In addition, Sirius's stunt has probably alerted other pureblood families to the possibility of it happening."

Derek shuddered. "Only too right." Derek and Remus shared a look, and Remus achieved a look of pure comprehension. James and Sirius looked confused, while Sarah bungled around under the table to find Derek's hand, and when she found it, she squeezed it once.

"So we have to decide some other course of action for me to get out of the clutches of my parents," Derek said, holding up his free hand and counting off on his fingers. "Sirius's way is out, ratting on my parents is out for similar reasons, staying in the same situation is not good because I could basically be found out any day, no matter how good I am at acting…"

"You must be pretty good though," James said, leaning in. "You haven't been found out yet, and you were able to convince this dunce's mother," he cocked his head at Sirius, who smacked James upside the head. James didn't even falter. "that you didn't know where Sirius was when she confronted you on the Knight Bus. If you are such a good actor, I imagine that there is probably something you can do…" Sirius and Remus both realized something at the same time.

"That's brilliant!" "No! He couldn't possibly…"

James cut them both off. "But in order for it to be useful or anything beyond risky and dangerous," he inclined his head to Remus, "We would need to talk to Dumbledore. In order to do that without attracting the attention of anyone, we will have to wait until school starts up again. Derek, can you continue as you have and make it into the beginning of sixth year before we do anything?"

Derek blinked. "I think so, but what are you playing at?"

James shook his head. "I don't want to communicate it out loud… not yet. Not until I can prove to myself that it's even a good idea in the first place. But even if it isn't a good idea, the one I have anyway, I still think it's a good idea for you to go to Dumbledore with it. After all, if you are making the decision to stand against V-" James cut off abruptly, looking apologetically at Sarah. "Against You-Know-Who, then he's definitely someone you should tell about your predicament."

Derek slowly nodded. "I think you're right. There's no way I will be joining the insanity that my parents are now practicing… I don't think I have the stomach for it, beyond my recent realizations about myself." Derek cast a look over at the clock that sat over the mantle in the small room. "Alright, I guess we'll continue to meet every Friday, to discuss any recent occurrences with our friendly-neighborhood murderers? We need to know many things in order to figure out what I need to do to get out of this mess.

"You said it, Derek. See you all later," James said, and he and Sirius rose and walked over to the fireplace. Derek was the next to rise, and he was going to be the second one out of the fireplace when Sarah caught a hold of his robes. Derek turned around to regard her.

"Be careful, Derek…" she said, looking at him pleadingly. "You have friends now… more than just me and Helga. You can be a great help to us… you're resourceful and you've been able to survive in hostile conditions for this long. I don't think you have much more to worry about than the…" she trailed off, tracing a particularly nasty bruise that was on Derek's cheek. "But I don't want you to do anything rash."

Derek nodded, and squeezed her shoulder once. "I know… it feels different, in a way, to have even so many people to talk to about something. It hasn't been this way since before I went off to Hogwarts that first time." He turned around and grabbed a pinch of Floo powder. "Don't forget about yourself, Sarah. Take care. Fugue Manor!"

* * *

On that day, there had been nearly two months left before Derek would have the chance to go back to school and do the many things there that he was not able to do while he was at home. But after that day, something happened that Derek was not expecting, something that had not happened in a very long time. It hadn't happened since he was eleven years old, and waiting through that last peaceful summer until he was accepted into Hogwarts.

The days melted into a mildly pleasant routine.

Each day, Derek would take his breakfast in Fugue Manor, dealing with the taunts and jeers of the House Elf if a parent was not there to do it instead. It was becoming easier and easier to ignore the pure crap that was coming out of their mouths. None of it meant anything to him anymore. Just that he was making progress each day towards the ultimate goal of being a normal, good person. Regardless of the blood that ran through him, and the lineage he had. He was going to be the person he wanted to be; not the person that he thought he had to be.

After breakfast, Derek went to Diagon Alley by floo, and went to Flourish and Blotts if he had something not-so-dark to study that day, or into Knockturn Alley and the small library that was just off the main alley that was called Aisles of Death. It was only visible to those who knew the password, and it was one of the few things that Derek had gained as a result of the "agreement" that he had struck with his parents. He still could not practice any of the magic that he had learned over the summer until he got back to school, but he was pretty sure that he could cross off many things on the list that he was given relatively quickly once he got there.

After the studying of the day, Derek took lunch somewhere on Diagon Alley (he never really trusted anything that even remotely resembled food sold in Knockturn), and generally ended up flooing to Potter Manor to have some Quidditch practice, or at least hanging around Quality Quidditch Supplies for at least two hours. As the afternoon wore on, Sarah would join him, having found an excuse to get away from the house, and they would talk, eat ice cream and otherwise visit until it came time that one of them had to go. On Fridays, they would meet the Marauders in the Leaky Cauldron and discuss the latest attacks or discoveries.

As the summer wore into August, the talk sometimes was of arrests, which were extremely heartening. Bartemous Crouch had rallied the Ministry, and had begun taking in people in connection with the attacks that were made by Death Eaters. But there still weren't many arrests, and when there were arrests, they often got off because of a lack of evidence. But that was not, apparently, from a lack of trying on Crouch's part.

"Dad had this latest bit of news for the dinner table a couple nights ago," James shared on one Friday evening in mid-August, "Crouch had to let off another one today. Apparently the wand that he had procured from the scene was the victim's, so it didn't tell them anything about who had cast the curse. Naturally, Crouch is furious, and everyone is ducking him in the hallways."

Crouch was not the only one who was furious, however, as Sirius had shared. "Dumbledore showed up last night, and you should have seen him! I don't think I have ever seen him so angry in my life!"

James had chuckled and added, "Nor have any of us, and we've seen him after some pretty… dumb… pranks in our lifetime. He almost never frowned at us… probably because he knows us backwards and forwards… how we never really mean anyone any true harm… and when he did frown, it was because of a particularly nasty one we did to Snivellus or Fu-" He then stopped, sitting up. "Or you, Derek."

Derek took it in stride. After all, just a few scant months before, he would have never associated himself with James Potter. But things were changing. The times were getting darker, he himself had changed his entire outlook on other people, and it even seemed that the Marauders were changing, though it was sometimes hard to see.

Remus seemed to not be changing so much as learning about everyone else's changes. Of course, this only reminded Derek of the agreement he had made with the girls at the end of the previous year, and he groaned in spite of himself. He didn't know what he was going to do about it; he only knew that Remus still did deserve something in the way of companionship… but he wasn't entirely Derek's problem. But would Remus actually make a move on his own behalf? Derek watched Remus carefully to see if he ever spotted a hint or something that would help him.

Peter was as nervous as he always was. Shy, pale and nervous. Sometimes he would not make the meetings that were on Fridays, but he seemed to have come to an acceptance of all the things that were going on around him. He seemed to be affecting more than the rest of them about the attacks, especially the ones that were on half-bloods or those who were simply getting in the way of the Death Eaters recently. He became more and more skittish as the summer wore on, but he still took comfort in his friends, and slowly began to count Derek and Sarah as part of his group.

Sirius was the one who didn't seem to be changing at all. He still would lean back in his chair and strike a pose he thought was particularly alluring every time anyone of the female persuasion between the ages of 13 and 18 walked by. The worst part is that they giggled almost every time. He was being encouraged to act like a prat! James did the "make my hair more messy" thing each time someone of those ages walked by, and again, almost every single one giggled on their way by.

There was only one exception to this rule.

But besides the dealing with girls, James was becoming more and more serious as the summer came to a close. He was thinking almost solely about the predicament that Derek had found himself in, and was constantly thinking up ways that he could get out of it. He still maintained that his first idea, which he had never deigned to clarify, was the best one he had, but Derek had yet to be proven to that effect.

On the last Friday of the month, August 27th, the Marauders and Derek and Sarah all went together to get their school supplies. Derek's parents just expected him to do it himself, Sarah's father promptly forgot about the fact that his daughter needed school supplies, and the Marauders were all escorted by just Mr. and Mrs. Potter. When coming out of Flourish and Blotts with their new school books, they found Lily Evans and her parents going in.

Naturally, James's hand went to his hair, while Sirius aimed a beaming smile at the pretty young redhead. Remus rolled his eyes, Peter squeaked when he saw her, and Derek and Sarah just simply looked happy to see her. Unlike the other girls that had so far giggled and played along with the boys' antics, Lily scowled at both of them in turn. When she went into the shop, Derek separated from the group, telling them that he would meet them at their normal rendezvous. He then dashed into the shop.

Lily was looking through the shelf that had a small bronze plaque on it that read "Arithmancy", and she was obviously looking for the sixth year coursebook. Derek grabbed one on his way by and handed it to her by way of greeting. She took the book, and looked up at him smiling. "Thank you, Derek…"

"I think I need to talk to you, Lily," Derek said without preamble. Lily looked taken aback, so Derek pressed on, "It's about what I told you and Remus and Sarah on the train…"

Lily had a small intake of breath, her smile fading to the barest hint. "Oh Derek…" She cast a look to both sides. "I could meet you again on the train back to Hogwarts if you'd like…"

But Derek shook his head. "It is a more private thing and includes an explanation of myself."

This time it was Lily's turn to shake her head, her smile completely gone and a concerned expression had taken its place. "I don't want you to think you have anything to explain yourself for… we both know the true nature of each other…" she trailed off, finally unable to say any more about it, and Derek simply nodded.

After a few moments of silence, Derek ventured, "I still need to talk to you later. We'll find some way to do it once we're back at school… okay?"

At this Lily smiled a little and placed her free hand on Derek's shoulder in a comforting way for a moment. "Okay. I have to go, Derek." Derek nodded, and they parted without any more words.

And it was in that situation that Derek was driven to London to board the Hogwarts Express for what could be the last time…


	11. Take Me Away

**Chapter 10: Take Me Away**

Fully aware that their son knew how to get from the parking lot of the London train station to platform nine and three-quarters, Master and Mistress Fugue simply got all of his stuff out of the "muggle vehicle" and drove away without a word. Derek sighed as they drove off. Was it too much to ask for them to accept them? When he wasn't really sure he wanted them to accept him… There was just a longing for the companionship that a parent could provide.

As Derek picked up all of his things to place on the trolley that he had gone to get while his parents had emptied the car, he remembered the few encounters that he had with the Potters, and compared them in every way to his one encounter with Mrs. Black, the encounters with Mr. Kosh, and his own parents. Each was terrible in their own way… though Mrs. Black and his own parents seemed to have more similarities to each other than Sarah's father.

But the Potters were different. When they called the boys in for dinner, they did it with a smile, and they listened to what their son had to say without telling him to shut up and do as he was told. Sirius took far too much advantage of this and simply never stopped talking, but James talked when it was necessary, and he had something relatively significant to say. For this reason, Derek supposed that his parents were smart for sitting there and listening to him. It was completely different than the philosophy that his own parents had taken to his own raising.

Even before he had gone off to Hogwarts, and before Theo had been banished, both boys were often forced to be silent, as their parents did not want to hear any of the "babble that kids come up with these days." Derek enjoyed getting out of the house because around the Potters or his… new… friends, he could speak his mind without getting his head bitten off. It was a good and new feeling, and he couldn't help but feel a longing in his chest to be able to be himself around his parents, now that he was beginning to discover who that was.

But that would never be, and the more rational portion of his mind knew that.

Sighing one last time, Derek pushed the trolley forward and began to make his way through the station to a destination that he desperately wanted to go to. Ever since the Marauders had accepted him, he had come to the conclusion that Hogwarts was a much better place to be than his own house. He could deal with all the crap that his parents and House Elf decided to pelt him with… but a place where he didn't have to deal with all of the crap would be a much better place. And since the Marauder crap would be basically gone, Hogwarts would be virtually crap-less.

Reaching the barrier that separated platforms nine and ten, Derek simply didn't stop his trolley, walking through the barrier as if it were the most normal thing in the world to do. He then headed to the train and loaded all of his things onto the baggage car before leaving the trolley with the conductor on duty. Derek, of course, was fairly early to reach the train. His parents never wanted to get him there anywhere near eleven. That, of course, would be such a pain for them to do. So they dropped him off as early as they possibly could, which was closer to nine than eleven. Derek simply took out his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook and opened it to read through most of it before Sarah and Helga got there to join him in the car that they had always shared.

As Derek sat down in the chosen compartment, he wondered idly if the Marauders were expecting him to sit with them. He shrugged to himself, both to give up on his musing and to take a crick out of his neck. It didn't really matter if they wanted him to be in their compartment. They were welcome to join them, though Helga might be a mite confused about the friendliness of the Marauders and Derek and Sarah. Even if Derek had kept in touch with her through owl post the whole summer. Helga and her family went to Paris, then America, then a quick visit to northern Ireland to be with her extended family members. That didn't give Derek any real chance to go visit her.

Her letters had been about as helpful as Sarah's support had been, and that was a welcome addition. Sometimes he would forget about her support and her owl would come in after a particularly difficult evening in Fugue Manor. She had always had amazing timing. Sarah had the ability to make anyone smile… and Helga would always know when to say something to keep him from going over the edge. That was why they had been his friends for the whole of his career at Hogwarts. They had gotten through his barriers so quickly…

Now, of course, more things were happening on a daily basis. With the Marauders' friendship (particularly James and Remus, and to a lesser extent Sirius), it was more than just a private trio that Derek would be keeping the company of for the next year. Or more, if he was lucky. _Do you honestly think you'll be able to think of something in time to survive? _Derek quickly squashed that thought. There was time before he had to know the plan of attack… but what was James planning about it, anyway?

After returning his thoughts to his textbook, Derek waited patiently for the compartment to fill up as it usually did, and was interested to see if it filled up any differently this year. The first person to arrive was Sarah, which was completely normal. What was different was that she didn't seem like she was getting over some sort of death. For that matter, Derek himself looked much better than he usually did, and he noticed this as Sarah looked at him and smiled wider. "It seems that this summer was nicer to both of us."

Derek simply nodded in response as Sarah came in and took the seat next to Derek's. It was only another ten minutes or so before Helga came in as well and sat opposite Sarah. A short while later, Derek saw Remus poke his head into the compartment. A grinning head, in fact.

"The Marauders are setting up in the compartment on that side," he jerked his head to indicate the direction. His head disappeared for a moment, only to return to say "the rest of the girls are trying to decide between the two compartments. I wonder which they'll choose?" he chuckled, only to be quickly interrupted by a loud commotion from the compartment that the Marauders were in.

"**JAMES POTTER!**" No one needed to be told who had yelled.

Remus frowned. "Did he already scare them away?" His head disappeared again, but this time it was not he who reappeared in a moment. Instead, it was Lily Evans, who looked absolutely livid. She was quickly followed by both Wanda and Kelly. Wanda looked timid and subdued, while Kelly was about as angry as Lily was, though she didn't show it the same way. Kelly's soft stream of curses was not lost on anyone, however, and after a particularly nasty one, Sarah squealed.

"_Must_ you use such language!" Sarah demanded of Kelly, her face coming around into a scowl.

Kelly met her, scowl for scowl. "Yes."

"Then keep it to yourself," Derek said lazily, looking askance at Lily. He wanted to know what James had done this time. Lily didn't seem to want to respond to Derek's askance looks, so the compartment dealt with Kelly's slowly dwindling stream of curses. Derek turned to Sarah, who seemed a little put out at Kelly's continuation of her curses. Derek patted her back. "At least it's not us being 'comforted' by them treading lightly around us," he whispered, bringing a smile to her lips.

As Kelly and Lily both calmed down, the train ride became a humdrum affair. Some of them went from compartment to compartment every once in a while, including Derek and Sarah. Lily and James however remained in their respective compartments, and no one who wasn't there in the first place could find out what happened between them at the beginning of the train ride. Derek had taken to asking anyone he met in the corridor between the two cars, but even Remus simply shook his head.

Many hours later, the train finally pulled to a stop. Both Lily and James had at least gotten over the events at the beginning of the ride, whatever they were, and had thoroughly sufficient smiles on their faces. Despite this, Remus lead Lily away quickly to join the prefects in their carriage before James could leave his compartment. And it was Derek and Sirius who kept James in the carriage while Remus got away with Lily. James didn't catch on to what they were doing however, and was still in a good mood when the rest of their party had piled into their carriages.

It was harder to keep them separate once they had gotten into the Great Hall, but they managed it by having everyone sit between Lily and James, and placing them on opposite sides of the table. It didn't solve all problems, as they could still see each other, but they were far enough away that there could be two or three conversations separating the two of them, which was enough to keep them from hearing each other and getting further ticked at the other.

After all of the students had settled into their chairs, Dumbledore rose to address the Hall. "Professor McGonagall seems to be run- Ah! Here she is!" He exclaimed as the witch he indicated came through the doors with the scared-looking first years streaming behind her. She looked a little harried, but she still strolled to the front of the Hall with no nonsense brooked. She had the scroll in her fist and strode to her place just to one side of the Sorting Hat that sat on its stool directly in front of Dumbledore. She then turned around and began to unroll the scroll.

"As your name is called," she said, her voice unflustered, but her eyes even more stern than usual. Even James, who was her favorite student, averted his eyes from hers when her gaze came by. "Come and put on the Sorting Hat, which will tell you which House you are in." She seemed to calm a bit down as she waited for the Sorting Hat to begin its song. The first years, not knowing this, took a little while to notice that everyone was staring at the hat, and joined in. Once they all were looking, the rip in the brim opened to sing out.

_As I see the faces smiling 'round_

_This hall, Great and Tall_

_I notice that there are some_

_Who aren't smiling at all_

_There are many things that_

_Within this wearied world_

_Are not to be understood_

_By those of the human mold_

_I was made to separate_

_To tell all of you which direction_

_You would take within_

_And with whom to have connection_

_Whether you are a Gryffindor_

_Brave and strong, with a good head_

_Born leaders, to make sure_

_That all will be fed_

_Whether you are a Ravenclaw_

_With the intelligence to prove_

_And to tell others what to do_

_And how to move_

_Whether you are a Slytherin_

_Ambition being your primary mark_

_Proving to others your worth_

_When they think of nothing but bark_

_Whether you are a Hufflepuff_

_With the capacity of loyalty_

_That will bind the rest together_

_In truth and completely_

_But separate is not as what should be_

_For this was not the intent_

_Together, bound as one_

_This school will be content_

_Hard times have come upon us all_

_But the school stands, and shall stand_

_For many years more_

_Long after I leave this stand_

_Stand together, Oh Hogwarts Four_

_Stand against the coming tide_

_For now I will tell you_

_What jobs you shall abide_

And with that, the Hat was once again silent, causing the Great Hall to erupt into applause. As McGonagall began the Sorting without any further hubbub, there were some mutters around the Hall. Derek and James, sitting opposite each other, exchanged glances. Even James and Lily exchanged glances, their earlier argument forgotten. The Sorting Hat had changed its tune, and though its message was heartening, it did basically confirm the fact that they were all living in darker times.

After the Sorting was completed, Dumbledore stood up once again. "To those who have just recently joined us, welcome! To our old hats," Dumbledore clearly indicated the silent Sorting Hat, though it was obvious he was also referring to the older students as well, "Welcome back! I do have a few start of term announcements, but now is not the time to give them. Dig in!"

And the plates in front of the students filled, and the gasps of the first years could be heard. The conversations began again, but most of them remained on a subject near to the Sorting Hat or its song of the year. Derek didn't chime into the conversation, but kept his thoughts about it to himself. There were many things he had to consider. His thoughts strayed to the idea that James had and would bring up to the Headmaster… to his parents and the rest of the Death Eaters, and Lord Voldemort, of whom many people had stopped using the name of… and to the decision he had made, and the repercussions of that decision that he had to dodge.

It was quite a full mind of things to contemplate, so after eating his meal silently, he simply waited for the feast to be over while still mulling within his mind. It wasn't long before Dumbledore stood up once again, to make the start of term announcements. "First years," he began, "and some older students," his gaze passed the Marauders, who didn't even flinch, "would do well to remember that the Dark Forest is out of bounds to students. There are quite a bit of new items on the forbidden to use in corridors list that the caretaker, Argus Filch, has placed on his door." ("Wonder if he put our newest trick up yet?" Sirius asked quietly) "In lighter news, we have a new flying teacher, as Master Hickett decided that his time at Hogwarts was up last year. I would like all of you to welcome Madam Hooch, who will also be taking over the Quidditch duties of the castle." There was a smattering of applause.

"Now, that is all I needed to tell you. How about we all go sleep off this lovely feast and reconvene in the morning to start the year off right? Off you trot!"

Having been finally unified for once, the entirety of the Gryffindor sixth years walked up to Gryffindor Tower together in one large group. Before they got very far however, the Slytherin sixth years caught them up.

"Ah, his maestro seems to have finally gotten on your good side, eh, Potter?" Snapes voice came silkily from behind the Gryffindors, and the Slytherins faced them off from a floor below. The other Slytherins chuckled at Snape's mild jibe. "Took him long enough, being as much of a blood traitor as you are."

"Mind yourself, Snape," James snapped. "What happens between Gryffindors is no concern of yours."

Snape's smirk increased. "Of course not. Why should I care what mudbloods and their lovers do on a daily basis?" James's eyes lit with fury, but he didn't move, because there were two wands at his back, and Sirius's hand rested on his shoulder. "Oh, too bad, your minders won't let you fight like a man. Pity."

"Only because you wouldn't ever."

Snape's eyebrows rose. "A bit brave, aren't we, Fugue? We'll see how you feel when your new 'friends' are killed by those who are better than you." His voice dropped low enough that the Gryffindors had to strain to hear him. "Such as your parents."

Sarah's hand went to Derek's back, unseen by the Slytherins, and not noticed by many of the Gryffindors either. Derek had stiffened, but he didn't show any other reaction.

Snape smiled. "Time for bed, cubs." And with that, the Slytherins were strolling over to the set of stairs that provided the easiest access to the dungeons.

The Gryffindors turned to continue in their trek to the Tower, but James and Derek were fuming at Snape's goading. They exchanged goodbyes once they had reached the Common Room, having already given the Fat Lady the password ("Nutty Dog"… Derek wondered why the Marauders found that so funny…) There was no conversation in the boys' dorm, and Derek changed and got into his four poster, only to lay upon it staring at the ceiling.

Was what he was doing going to endanger these new friends of his? With the fact that he was teetering on the edge of death lately, he hadn't even thought of the fact that the people he was now associating with were also in danger… but he shook his head. There was no reason for his own decision to affect the amount of danger they were in. They were all in positions that made the Death Eaters their enemies. He was among people who were just like him… and he wasn't endangering them…

But he couldn't be sure of that.

Derek Fugue sighed, rolling over and closing his eyes. Why couldn't he just have some other life away from all of this worry?


	12. Flowers and Flying

**Chapter 11: Flowers and Flying**

The beginning of term was basically as Derek had expected it. The few twists that were abnormal for this year had more to do with the N.E.W.T.s than they did with anything going wrong. The fact that nothing was really going wrong was by itself another thing slightly strange about the beginning of the year, but it was definitely something that Derek could take in stride.

As normal, Professor McGonagall walked up and down the Gryffindor table on the following Monday, handing out the schedules that everyone would have. The fact that Lily, James, Remus and Derek all had nearly identical schedules came as little surprise, to Lily's chagrin and James's poorly concealed delight. Derek was simply glad that he did not begrudge having to have many classes with James, though having several classes with Remus had never been a problem. Sarah ended up in quite a few of their classes (she had dropped Arithmancy and Potions), while Sirius had a similar amount (he had dropped Transfiguration and Potions, and never took Arithmancy in the first place). Peter was the odd one out of the group, only really sharing N.E.W.T. level Charms with the rest of his year.

After breakfast, Derek pulled Lily aside after the rest of the gang had started to go off to the first class (everyone was heading to Charms first). "Yes, Derek?" she asked.

"Remember our talk?" Derek asked back.

Lily nodded. "I do… obviously now's not a good time if then wasn't. Er…" Her face scrunched up in concentration.

"Say… we meet after dinner in the Common Room or the Library, depending on how much homework we get on the first day."

Lily smiled and nodded. "Deal. That sounds good." She then turned and walked out of the Great Hall, pushing past James, who had stopped at the door and was looking at Derek in a funny way.

"What?" Derek asked as he opened the door for him.

James stood there for a moment, before shaking his head as if to clear it and then walking through with a nod of thanks. "Nothing" is what he said, though Derek barely heard it.

Derek found his classes that day to be about as normal. Each teacher would, predictably, give a long speech on how training for N.E.W.T.s was about ten times harder than training for the O.W.L.s, and then proceeded to dump a large amount of homework on them. Thankfully, most of the homework was reading, but the strain was still piling up at an alarming rate. Alarming enough that Derek and Lily both assumed that the library was the best place to hold their meeting.

Unfortunately, it wasn't to be. After sitting down, Derek noticed that Snape was too close to their table in order for them to have a conversation such as that without being noticed, and since it would waste too much time (and look too suspicious) to immediately get up and return to Gryffindor Tower, Lily and Derek came to an unspoken agreement to postpone their meeting until the following night, under the same conditions.

After reading for about an hour or so, Derek stretched and looked around, and found James was walking towards them. Derek smiled and waved him over to the seat next to him, and James seemed more than happy to take him up on the offer, though Lily seemed a little perturbed about it. Enough perturbed to take that as an excuse to get up. James sagged when he realized that Lily was leaving.

"I'm hurt," he said quietly, trying to dodge the ire of Madam Pince, "you are leaving just because I arrived?"

"No," she replied tersely, "I'm done with the reading I have for tonight, and despite your constant protestations, not everything happens just because you did something!" She slammed the last book into her bag and stalked out of the library in a huff.

James looked over at Derek. "What's gotten into her?"

Derek merely shrugged.

It seemed that was how the meetings went. Lily and Derek would settle down with their homework and be ready to begin the conversation that Derek hoped would bring them out of the uneasy truce that they had kept ever since third year and into a friendship he was now eager to have. But then someone would walk too close for them to have the conversation at all. If it was anywhere outside of the Common Room, it was Snape, the greasy git, as Derek had begun to call him as well as the Marauders, but inside Gryffindor Tower there were just as many people that Derek didn't want to know anything about his predicament.

Particularly the younger years. And they were always around, asking Lily if she could help them with this or that, and Lily being Lily, there was no way that she could say no or send them away. So Derek ended up actually simply doing his homework, and Lily also ended up doing the same, and they compared notes at the end to make sure that Lily hadn't hurried through too fast and made a few mistakes she wouldn't have if she hadn't taken time to help the little ones.

Interestingly, James would also show up nine times out of ten, though he was never the reason that the conversation didn't happen. It might be _awkward_ with him there, but he had heard the whole story before, and Derek didn't think it would be too traumatic for him to hear it again. But the interesting thing about James showing up was the fact that it was consistent. Whenever they met, James would eventually show up, and the only times that he didn't were when Lily and Derek met by chance and decided that the time was not right to start the conversation where they met.

However, things with James weren't exactly pristine. Derek had caught James glaring at him on more than one occasion, and denied that anything was wrong when approached. When Derek tried the other Marauders, Sirius was just as closed-mouthed, but it was obvious he knew something. For Peter, it was just as obvious that he _didn't _know anything, and his stuttering only made things more awkward for the poor boy. Remus however, was the one that Derek had the most hope in convincing.

"Remus!" Derek called.

Remus turned around and smiled as he waited for Derek to catch up to him on the stairway. When he had, he turned and started walking again, aware that Derek would keep up while they talked. "You bellowed, Derek?"

After smacking Remus upside the head for his remark, Derek said, "Hey, I have something serious to talk about." Remus simply nodded, his grin fading from his thin face. "I want to know what's gotten into James lately."

Remus turned to him, surprise written all over his face. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're lying," Derek said confidently. Peter may not be able to pick up on things that happened with the other Marauders, and Derek knew that James and Sirius shared everything, but it was hard to put something past Remus. Remus Lupin had the best insight into other people of the kids in their year, except perhaps Lily. How accurate the two Gryffindor prefects were was basically frightening, and with an ability like that, Derek wasn't about to let him get away with the lie.

"No… I can't think of anything that is bother-"

"Codswallop, and you know it."

"Seriously! There isn't anything to say-"

"And you haven't talked your way out of plenty of detentions with such acting," Derek countered smugly, "The difference is I'm your friend _and_ I know that you know what's going on with your other friend. So spill it!"

Remus sighed, finally defeated. "Why does it matter?"

Derek stopped on the stair he was standing on, and Remus took a few more steps before he realized it, and he turned around to face his friend. "What? 'Why does it matter?' It matters because for some reason that I can't fathom, a new friend of mine is becoming colder and colder to me as the year wears on! I want to know what he has under his skin, and neither he nor Sirius is talking."

Remus took a deep breath and let it out noisily. "I can't tell you." When Derek opened his mouth to protest, Remus held up a hand to stop him. "Marauder's Oath and all on it. I can't tell you; only James can, because it's his secret, and that's all I can tell you about it."

So, despite the hope that he had had that Remus would be able to shed some light on the situation, it turned out that his hands were tied, and Derek would have to return to bothering James about it. But he couldn't bother James about it anytime soon, because the Quidditch tryouts were approaching. Approaching _very_ quickly, and Derek thanked Merlin that he and James had long figured out how to put aside their feelings for each other and be teammates on the pitch. At least that meant that the Quidditch tryouts would go as smoothly if they were friends or had a rift at the time.

Though, for the first time, Derek felt that it made a difference to him somewhere inside.

Two days before the scheduled tryouts, Sirius pulled Derek aside after a particularly nasty Charms lesson. Though they were all tired after expending a lot of energy in performing the Bubble-Head Charm, which had the added effect of making them dizzy. Sirius dismissed the rest of the Marauders, and Derek told Sarah, Helga and Lily that he'd be fine. Sirius waited until the rest of their year was out of sight before beginning.

"James is upset," he stated.

"I'd noticed," was Derek's dry reply.

"Look, he's upset because…" Sirius sighed, he obviously found this hard to say. "because of all the time you're spending with Lily."

Derek scrunched up his nose. "What does that have to do with anything? I thought all that bravado about asking her out continually was just because she's practically the only girl that has ever said no."

Sirius winced. "It _started_ like that, Derek. Look, I'm not really supposed to tell you this, but I both trust you and that you and Lily are not an item. I'm telling you because I want your help in convincing James of that."

Derek sighed. "Alright, alright… you are right, we're not an item, I just need to talk to her about something and we never really get the chance, so it ends up being that we're study buddies. And since it's working out pretty well-"

Sirius waved his hands in front of him to get Derek to stop so he could get in a few words. "You don't have to convince me, Derek. Just James, and he's hard enough by himself… And I'm taking a huge risk in telling you this."

Derek nodded. "Thanks. I won't tell him how I found out. I don't want you guys to have a rift too…"

Sirius nodded eagerly. "Anyway, now that were done with the serious stuff, how about you help me with my latest idea on pranking our favorite greasy git?" And Derek couldn't help but smile at Sirius returning to his normal anti-serious self. How truly ironic his name was…

But despite being armed with the knowledge that James was jealous of Derek's proximity to Lily, he couldn't catch James long enough to get into a serious conversation about it, and before Derek knew it, the day of tryouts had arrived, and they were still on the outs.

James Potter paced between two groups of players. Behind him were four players in scarlet and gold robes, looking intimidating. Sirius with his beater's bat and favorite broom at his side smiled sidelong at Derek, who was standing next to him with the Quaffle in hand. Derek grinned back, with an evil glint in his eye. He loved tryouts. Making the trainees sweat was invigorating. Oh, they never did anything that didn't have an actual application to figuring out which players deserved to make the team, but that didn't mean that they couldn't have any fun.

The other Beater, Helga, of course, stood on Derek's other side with a beater's bat and broom in the opposite position of Sirius. Between Sirius, Derek, Helga and James, there was no better Quidditch team. That particular combination of Beaters and Chasers was simply unbeatable, and they had proved it time and again since second year. A recent acquisition to the team was the Keeper, that stood on the other side of Helga. Katie Holland was a fourth year, but she was the only Gryffindor that had ever stopped any of Derek and James's famous double-teaming shots, and for that reason alone, she earned a respected position on the team.

Arrayed on the other side of the pacing captain were Gryffindors in their school robes and various stages of apprehension. They were concentrated into two groups. The group that was on the left side of Derek's vantage point were there to be seekers, while the other group was there to be Chasers. The chaser group was slightly larger, mainly because they were trying to get onto the best Chasing unit that had graced Hogwarts in many years, and they wanted to be a part of it and learn from the heroes of their House.

"You are here," James said, "to attempt to become part of your House team." He did not stop pacing, though each time he turned around he snapped his head around so that he was still staring at the trainees. "Do not imagine that this will be a cakewalk. When the day is over, you will be tired, you will be beat, and you will feel that instead of making you tryout, you would have preferred being run down by stampeding Hippogriffs.

"Here, you are expected to work! I will not tolerate half-attempts. You either work all the way, or you are off the team." James finally stopped pacing and stopped in front of the trainees. "Anyone who is not willing to work that hard for their team, leave now."

Not a soul moved for a good ten seconds.

James nodded. "Good. Now, those who are trying out to be Chasers, please follow me. Seekers, you will follow Helga over there, who will begin your tryout."

"Captain Potter!" A voice called from within the scrum of activity.

"Yes?" James said, finding the source of the voice, a young boy of second or third year, probably second, since Derek didn't remember him trying out last year.

"I am here to try out for both positions."

"Follow me first then," was James's only reply, which made the kid seem a little angry that he hadn't gotten a little more attention.

While Helga started the Seekers off with simple flying exercises and dodging the Bludger that she was sending at them, the Chasers were placed in a gauntlet immediately. Facing off against Derek and Katie, they would work in pairs against the two of them and score as many goals as they could in a 10 minute time limit. Occasionally, James and Derek switched out to keep the defending Chaser fresh. Katie seemed to be doing alright without calling her alternate, who was waiting on the grass below lazily.

The first pair of Chasers faced off against Derek and Katie, and Derek quickly learned that the girl's name was Cassie and the boy's Thomas. Thomas was the same second-year that seemed to want to try out for both positions. Five minutes into their turn, they had not yet scored, and had only two shots that had gotten through to Katie at all. Derek was really disappointed with their performance, though Cassie once beat him with an easy loop, but her mistake seemed to be her partner more than herself in that when she passed to him, he didn't shoot immediately, but tried to fly in closer for a closer shot, giving Derek enough time to fly up to him and steal the Quaffle right out of his hands.

Finally, Cassie seemed to be learning what her problem was, and she got a total of four shots past Derek's defenses, and scored one of them through Katie's defenses as well. Thomas was quickly sent to the Seeker tryouts, though James seemed dubious that the kid would be able to do anything worthwhile.

The second pair was Jen, a fourth year who had shown some talent in years past, and Fred Linten, a fifth year that was trying out for the first time. They surprised Derek by using one of the tricks that James and he had invented for their game against him, and scored it on their first try. Derek was highly impressed, but he was now watching for his own tactics, and foiled them for the next ten shots running, which brought them close to the five minute mark with only as many goals as the other pair had, and they both seemed intent on beating out the other pair after the poor performance that Thomas had given.

They spread out and began using the field to their advantage since Derek couldn't be everywhere at once, and was able to beat Katie twice more before their time was up.

There was one Chaser hopeful left, so James came in for Derek and Derek told Cassie to join him in the air to see how she did with a competent pair. It turned out that Cassie was still the better of the two of them, and she scored twice this time, since the boy by the name of Michael was much better at feeding her than Thomas was.

Finally done with the gauntlet, they all landed on the ground, and James dismissed Michael from the tryout and went over to check on the Seeker tryouts, to see which ones would move on to the next part. Derek told the three remaining Chaser hopefuls to rest while James did some weeding from the Seeker hopeful ranks.

It was another five minutes before James came back over with Helga and three of the Seeker hopefuls behind him. James told him that he had sent home one of them, but it seemed that Thomas must have been good enough of a flier to warrant another look as a Seeker.

"Alright," James said, addressing the six remaining hopefuls, "Now the tryouts will come together. The three of you," he pointed to the Chasers, "will do your best to get past me, Derek and Katie with Sirius trying to bludger you to death." Sirius simply grinned at the turn of phrase, though one of the hopefuls swallowed audibly. "The three Seekers will be trying to find the Snitch while being distracted by the game _and_ Helga trying to bludger _them_ to death." Helga had a grim smile, which Derek found much more intimidating than Sirius's silly grin.

"Go!"

And Derek threw the Quaffle as hard as he could toward the opposite goalposts, fully intending to have it score despite the three chaser hopefuls racing after it as fast as their brooms could take them. At the same time, Helga released the Snitch and the two bludgers and Sirius took off to make sure the bludgers had someone to target with a bat to defend themselves. Then the Seekers got on their brooms, and waited while Derek and Katie streaked to the closer goal to begin the defense. When James was sure the Snitch was out of sight for the moment, he streaked off and the Seekers followed suit. And so the "game" began.

The Chaser hopefuls found the goal to be much harder to penetrate now that both Derek and James were working together. It obviously made them more intent on succeeding so that they could become a part of the dream team, but it also was obvious that they were afraid that this would be too hard. A full ten minutes went by without a single goal, though James had come close with a particularly hard shot from all the way cross-pitch. That was when one of the Seekers went into a dive, and the other two fell into pursuit, though the female stopped. The one who had begun the dive also stopped when he realized that the girl was now looking for the Snitch instead of following his feint. Thomas, however, didn't notice at all, and continued to streak, trying wildly to search for the Snitch that wasn't there.

James blew his whistle, stopping all play, and Thomas reluctantly ground to a halt. "Thomas Gell! You're cut!" The second year exploded into obscenities and Sirius flew over to him and whacked him upside the head not unlike the way that Derek had whacked Remus's just a week beforehand. Finally off the pitch, he continued to stream muttered obscenities and looked overall unhappy with his situation, but tryouts continued without him quite smoothly.

Interestingly, whenever the three chaser hopefuls went into a huddle, it was either Jen or Fred that laid the plan, while Cassie seemed to simply be good at doing whatever plan they came up with. When the plans continued to not work, James called out "just wing it for a few tries, and see how it goes." The three nodded and set to work, working in random passes and trying to set themselves up for a good unexpected shot. Cassie was doing horribly, and apparently didn't think well on her feet (or broom). Fred did better, though mostly because he was able to read Jen pretty well. Jen seemed to be the brains of the outfit, and came up with an interesting improve that scored.

While James was barreling down on Fred, Jen positioned herself above that exchange, and nodded her head to Cassie to have her charge. Predictably, Derek followed the charge, though he watched Jen to see what would happen. Fred passed straight up when James was about to come upon him and as James shot up after Jen, she was forced to dodge a bludger as well as staying a step ahead of him. After a good bit of dodging, she fired what looked like a shot that got through James's defense, but it sailed high over the hoops.

Into Fred's waiting arms.

While James charged Fred and Derek covered Cassie for a possible pass through to her, Jen snuck up and was in position for a pass-back shot before James was even close to Fred. It was an easy pass, and Jen made a good shot to get it by Katie.

At the exact moment the Quaffle scored, the two seekers went into a dive, and raced after the Snitch. It was real this time, and Derek knew it because he had spotted the glint of gold that was their destination. This time they both had to dodge well placed bludgers by Sirius and Helga, and the girl got grazed, which slowed her down enough for the guy to capture the Snitch.

James blew his whistle. "That's tryouts! Team, hit the showers!"

After everyone had hit the ground, and the hopefuls had all gone back up to the castle, Katie, Sirius, Helga and Derek crowded around James as he produced a bit of parchment, which had the names of all of the hopefuls on it, and watched as James struck several names and then put checks by the two choices for each position. After a little consultation with Derek about the Chasers and with Helga about the Seekers, he underlined one of each, and then tapped the parchment with his wand. When he did, the words moved about the parchment, and came to rest like this:

**Gryffindor Quidditch Team Tryout Results**

Seeker Primary  
_Bill Dillans_

Seeker Reserve  
_Emily Mahl_

Chaser Primary  
_Jen Griten_

Chaser Reserve  
_Fred Linten_


	13. Come and Go

**Chapter 12: Come and Go**

It was starting to get annoying.

Both the fact that James's looks at Derek were getting worse and finding a little time to talk to Lily was entirely impossible. Derek's mood was slowly getting blacker and blacker as the days wore on into October. Derek even snapped at Remus a week after the Quidditch tryouts. Lily helped his mood by being herself and continuing to be his studying partner. From time to time Sarah would join them, and her inherent bounciness while they were at Hogwarts helped Derek stave off the black mood for a few hours afterward, but every time he went into the sixth year boys' dorm, he was reminded of the things that were going wrong.

James wouldn't talk to Derek off the Quidditch pitch, though Derek was right in assuming that nothing had changed while they were on the pitch. Once the Quidditch practices had started up again, James would approach him with Quidditch things to talk about, but nothing else. It was frustrating, because Derek would call after him to try and get him to talk about Lily, so that Derek could explain himself, but James didn't listen to him unless he was talking Quidditch.

Sirius had noticed Derek's mood, and knew what was wrong. He included Derek in several plans he had for the younger years and joked around with him whenever James wasn't around. However, whenever James showed up, Sirius would clam up and only talk to James. Of course, given that Derek knew why he did this to him specifically, and that he did it to other people when James walked in too made Derek forgive him pretty easily.

Remus, now that the Marauders knew that he and Derek were friends, had no problem hanging out with Derek in plain view of the other Marauders. In fact, he made it a point to join the study sessions from time to time as well. In fact, the study sessions had grown quite large, and now Lily and Derek had to figure out another way to talk. Finally, Derek relayed his problem to Remus, who's eyes lit up when he was asked.

"I know the perfect place," Remus replied, putting his quill down and stretching. Derek was so shocked at this reaction. He had expected several reactions from him, but not this one. This one he had merely been hoping for.

"Well!" Derek asked impatiently, "where!"

"There's an interesting place in this castle," Remus said, beginning to tidy up his notes, "it provides whatever one needs at the moment. I'm not entirely sure what the true name of the room is, but James likes to call it the 'Needy Room.' I personally prefer the 'Come and Go Room,' but, again, we're not entirely sure what it's really called."

Derek was listening with rapt attention, and Lily had joined him in listening, once learning what the two boys were talking about. "Well?" Derek asked after a pause. "Where is the room?"

"It's off a seventh floor corridor opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Balmy and the dancing trolls. You have to walk by the blank wall three times thinking about what you need, and then the room will provide for you as best it can. And it happens to be pretty good at it." Remus stood up and stretched, then collected his belongings. "Don't do it tonight, but do it soon, so that you can stop being aggravated about _something_, and then you can work on getting James to realize his head's stuck up his-" he cut off abruptly, but Lily gasped anyway.

Remus shook his head. "He's being irrational, and laying into Derek for no reason." And with that, the young prefect turned around and headed up to his dorm. Lily looked at Derek for an explanation, but Derek shook his head. He didn't think it was his place to tell Lily that James actually _did_ like her, as opposed to asking her out constantly in order to say he had gone out with every girl in their year. It would probably be more awkward than meeting Snape with mistletoe on the ceiling.

And with _that _mental picture haunting him, Derek went back to studying.

The rest of the evening was punctuated by James arriving in the Common Room with a dizzying grin on his face. Of course, when he looked over at the couches and saw Lily and Derek still there studying together, the smile faded. He didn't turn it into a scowl, and when he looked away, the grin returned. Derek grimaced when he saw the grin, because that meant one, and only one, thing.

A prank.

Whether James had already set the prank or it had just formed in his head was not yet determined, but from the similar grin that Sirius wore when _he_ walked in the portrait-hole spoke to a completed prank rather than one that was just taking shape. _Well,_ Derek mused, _at least that means that the chances of it being on anyone in the Gryffindor Common Room is pretty slim_. Thankfully, nothing else happened during the studying, and Derek, Lily, the girls and the marauders all, went to bed without incident.

Naturally, the incident that they were waiting for occurred the following morning, after all of the Gryffindors had woken up and everyone had filed into the Great Hall for the normal breakfast on Wednesdays. The strange thing was that none of Slytherin House arrived at breakfast. The marauders were all smiles about this, but then again, anything that happened to Slytherin was something that interested and often amused the marauders. Lily began to get worried as everyone started to get up to go to classes.

"Oh! I wonder what they've done now!" she seethed to the girls and Derek, "I mean, honestly, they shouldn't be affecting their studies directly! What if they miss class due to whatever they've done?"

"Calm down, Lilykins," James cut in, but he was cut off by Lily's shriek.

"DO _NOT_ CALL ME THAT!"

James then did something strange. He backed down. "Right, Evans." He composed himself for a moment, then he plowed on. "Think about it, most of them are the ones that will end up joining with Vol-" when he saw most of the group flinch, he switched what he was going to say. "With You-Know-Who."

"You don't know that!" Lily whispered heatedly back at him, "Not all of them will join him just because of their House!"

James leaned in. "With recent events, don't you think that Sirius and him," here he indicated Derek with a nod of his head. "Are enough proof that people with the right kind of outlook don't end up in the other houses?"

Lily became deadly quiet. "Recent events?"

James tilted his head, his smile widening as the entire group of sixth year Gryffindors walked into the Transfiguration classroom. "Oh? Your boyfriend hasn't told you?"

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say.

"POTTER!" Lily shrieked at the top of her lungs, her wand suddenly trained on James's chest. Everyone else took a step back away from the power that Lily was exuding in her anger. "JUST BECAUSE WE _STUDY_ TOGETHER DOESN'T MEAN WE ARE _DATING!_" Turning around and addressing Derek, she quieted and softened her face. "No offense, Derek."

"None taken," Derek said, and somehow managed to keep his tone straight. Well, here was direct proof that mu-… muggle-borns could have just as much power than those who were pureblooded. The rest of the group remained stunned at the front of the classroom while Lily calmly walked to her usual seat and sat down. It took McGonagall bustling in and telling them in her normal short tone to sit that everyone else did. And even then, no one sat in the empty seat next to Lily.

That evening before curfew, Lily and Derek "snuck out" of the Gryffindor Common Room (though all they were really doing was making sure that no one would follow them) and headed toward the Come and Go Room that Remus had mentioned. They reached the corridor fairly quickly considering that they didn't frequent the place, and Derek checked one end of the corridor and Lily checked the other end. Finding the place empty as expected, the two of them walked up and down the corridor together thinking of the private place that they could not be interrupted.

When they turned around to pace the corridor the third time, there was a door in the wall that had not been there before. Lily and Derek shared a grinning look, then they both walked quickly to the door and went through. Once inside, they found a small room with a table and two comfortable chairs that were opposite each other. There was a fireplace that was alongside the table and when Derek closed the door behind them, he found there were several locks on it, and he could even see the magic that was in them to keep them from being simply unlocked.

Lily sat down in one of the chairs while Derek sat down in the other chair. The fire roared to life the instant that Derek felt that it was a bit cold in the room, and this caused him to smile at it. Lily had apparently had a similar thought, because she seemed pleasantly surprised at the fire. Finally, after a few more moments of comfortable silence between the pair, the long awaited conversation began.

"So, Derek," Lily probed gently, "What did you want to talk about?"

"My parents."

There were a few beats of silence.

"What about them?" Somehow, Lily's voice was quieter.

"They have joined with the Dark Lord, and want me to as well," Derek said bluntly.

Lily gasped. "But… they're killing innocents! Don't they know that now they're adding themselves to the most wanted list that the Ministry is putting out…"

Derek leaned over the table. "Do you think the Ministry actually knows the people that are underneath the masks? I can't tell anyone in the Ministry or on the staff of Hogwarts what my parents are without endangering my own life. I imagine that Sirius is in a similar predicament. So now I have until the beginning of my seventh year to join them…"

Lily sat quietly at the other end of the table, afraid of what Derek hadn't said. But not hearing it was worse. "Or…?"

"Or die."

Lily sat back into her chair hard.

"I've already seen what Sirius's solution to his own problem was, but I can't do the same thing because not all of the 'renegade purebloods' can hide out in the same house. It would get a little easy to find us. So I have to find another solution…"

Lily perked up a bit, but her voice was still weak. "I knew it… I knew that you wouldn't join them…"

"Not by choice, I promise you that," Derek said, and he swallowed the lump in his throat that he always got when he confronted the fact that he didn't know how long he had to live anymore. "This summer has been revealing to me, Lily. I've found out many things about the world around me and about myself. I met my brother; you know, the Squib in the family… and I talked to him." He wasn't sure whether Lily understood the risk or the change that had meant inside himself, but her nod was encouraging, and he continued.

"I helped Sirius run away from his home… that's why the Marauders are friendly with me now, instead of pranking me from time to time."

"What about Potter?" Lily asked, her eyes going hard.

"Potter…" Derek desperately searched for an explanation and hoped that his desperation was not showing on his face. "Potter is a special case. Surely you already knew that."

"But he's Black's best friend. Everyone knows that. So I know that he also had something to do with him running away, especially because of the fact that Black now lives in Potter's home."

Derek sighed. He didn't think he could get out of this one evasively. He didn't think that Lily would want to know when she finally did find out… but there was no way to determine that before telling her, or even dissuading her once she was told that she wouldn't want to know. "James is having problems with me because of the time I spend with you." There. He had said it. Now all he had to do was ride out the explosion. He winced in anticipation.

But Lily's reaction was slightly off of what Derek had expected from her.

She had frowned, and seemed like she was trying to reconcile this in her mind. "You mean… all of that isn't just a show? He actually likes me… legitimately?"

Derek nodded. "But I never told you that. I'm not even supposed to know. I imagine that Sirius would kill me if he knew that I had told you. He told me so that I would be able to confront James about the problem and convince him that we are just friends."

There was a little more silence that seemed a little less comfortable with the revealed facts hanging between them.

"So there's the summary. Though I can't imagine which is worse," Derek finally said, trying to summon up a smirk. "The fact that my life is in danger on a basically daily basis, or that the prat James Potter isn't faking his infatuation with you."

Lily kicked him under the table, and it was impossible to keep the smirk any more. "That's not funny, Derek," she said softly. "Not funny at all. It's just… a shock is all. It will take some thinking about to get used to. Do you think I should let him off easier instead of being so cutting about denying him?"

Derek shook his head. "If you think he's still a prat, stay stern with him. Maybe he'll catch the hint with time. Especially if you drop hints to Remus about it."

Lily smiled. "Yes, Remus. The main connection that keeps our year together."

"And sane."

"Yes. That too. But speaking of him," Lily leaned closer conspiratorially, and though Derek didn't like the new grin that lit up her face in a sort of evil way, he still leaned in to hear what she had to say. "Have you found out whether he likes anyone?"

The sound of Derek's face hitting the table followed by Lily's laughter could be heard throughout the seventh floor.


	14. A Visit to the Headmaster

**Chapter 13: A Visit to the Headmaster**

The next day, nothing had changed between Derek and James.

Derek was happier though. Finally, though it was now creeping through October, he had gotten the chance to talk to Lily about all the happenings over the eventful summer. At least all the things that he couldn't just tell her without a care of anyone overhearing. That combined with the Quidditch season revving up towards the first match of the year combined to give Derek a boost to his mood. Even James's ignoring of him didn't dampen him.

The classes were getting ever harder and the study sessions continued despite the fact that the original reason for them had all but disappeared. Derek and Lily weren't the only ones who were consistently at the table. Peter, Remus, Sarah, Helga and Wanda all joined them regularly, and Kelly and Sirius could be spotted with them from time to time. Only James was rarely with them, and only really when Flitwick would dump a particularly nasty load on them, and he would have to swallow his pride to ask Lily about it.

Everyone offered to James that he was welcome at the study sessions all the time. Peter, strangely enough, was the one who really seemed interested in getting James to lighten up and join them, but he was also the least effective, behind Derek. Lily didn't ask him; she later told Derek that it would have caused an awkward situation, no matter how effective it might be. Sirius was the most effective of those who tried, though he wasn't part of the study sessions often enough to make James join them.

Quidditch practices continued, and the new Chaser was seamlessly being added to the dream team of Derek and James. Derek was beginning to appreciate the irony of the whole thing with James and him and Quidditch and finally becoming friends for once and then James throwing everything onto its head over Lily. It was quite unlike James really. He had a reputation for being very casual about his relationships. He was constantly in one (he currently would grab Wanda for snog sessions every once in a while), and there was never a shortage of girls who wanted to date him. Now that Derek was privy to some of the girls' conversations about him, things were becoming a little more clear.

Apparently, in the past few years (ever since fourth), James had become more and more distracted when he was with his significant other of the week. He was paying less and less attention to them, and he was becoming less and less attractive of a date. Lily thought well of this, in that she was right about him all along. But Helga pointed out that Lily wasn't taking into account that this could be because James is in love with someone that he can't date because she keeps saying no.

"Impossible," Lily had responded. "I can't imagine that he would not care about any other girl just because he may or may not have an infatuation with me."

Derek only chuckled at this, and didn't respond to Lily's indignant question of why he was laughing. The truth was that pretty much every boy was developing an "infatuation" with Lily Evans. Derek was even having to check himself from staring openly at her when his mind wandered. The younger boys were the worst, ogling her at the worst times and earning the sharp side of her tongue. The Marauders seemed to be the only ones unaffected by Lily Evans growing up, but Derek knew exactly why: Loyalty.

Peter would catch himself from time to time. He really liked her, and it showed when he wasn't paying attention, but he was trying hard enough at it (and he was around James enough) that Lily hadn't noticed. Remus was aloof as always, and even though Derek did actually try to pay attention to see if Remus had found someone to lay his eyes on, he never gave in on Lily or anyone else. Sirius had it easy, since he, like James, also had his pick of whoever he wanted within Hogwarts, he had his own distraction from Lily Evans.

Everyone knew where James stood. Or did they?

The Marauders knew, and Derek knew because Sirius had told him in order for Derek to try and fix the rift between them, and Derek had been forced to share the secret with Lily to dodge a very awkward moment, and he knew that Lily wouldn't have shared it with anyone without a very good reason, since it was embarrassing to herself too.

The way Sarah and Helga acted about it, Derek was sure that they knew, though he couldn't for the life of him think of how they would have found out. And Derek had never been able to get a good reading on Wanda or Kelly. He didn't think he would ever be able to do that. And every time he talked to them, they asked about his 'progress' where Remus was concerned, and Derek found conversations about that awkward in the extreme.

Derek was walking back to the broomshed after a particularly tiring practice when it hit him. His thoughts were consumed with _drama_. He wasn't thinking about his predicament unless he was actually doing the research that his father had drawn up for him. He still kept the list underneath his four-poster, pulling it out after the Marauders were asleep, or while they were at a meal in order to figure out where he was with it.

He wasn't entirely sure why he was keeping up with the thing if he didn't plan to join the Death Eaters anyway. But there was still one thing he hadn't done that he and the Marauders had talked about during the summer. Talk to Dumbledore. The problem was that James's idea about the whole thing wasn't going to be used while James was still angry with Derek over Lily. That had stopped Derek from going to Dumbledore himself so far, but the letter that had come that morning, the morning of October 23rd, had started to push Derek into going without Marauder support.

_Derek,_

_We feel that we need to talk to you in person, so we request that you _not_, as usual, sign up to stay at Hogwarts over the Christmas holidays. We believe that there is someone you should meet over these holidays. Do as well as you can with your list, but we think you will be as ready as you need to be when the time comes._

_Do not betray your family name,_

_Fugue_

It just screamed of "We're taking you to Voldemort, I hope you're ready to die."

So this was forcing Derek into action… but he wasn't sure as to how to proceed. He could probably ask Remus… or Lily… he really should ask Sarah… and maybe Helga too… but in the end, who should he take with him? Should he take anyone with him? Would Dumbledore need someone to vouch for him, or would the old man actually take him for what he was?

For that matter, what was he?

So, Derek found himself taking a different route out of the Great Hall after dinner that evening. "Where're you going, Derek?" Sarah asked him as the rest of the Gryffindor sixth years went on ahead. She had stopped and turned around as he left the group to take a different staircase. She was concerned, and Derek noted that she might have noticed his sour mood.

"I'm going for a walk to clear my head," _to the Headmaster's office_.

"Would you like company?"

Derek couldn't help but smile as Sarah made her offer with an innocence he could not muster within himself. "Not this evening. I should be back by curfew, and I'll be studying as usual."

With one last nod, Sarah said, "See you then." And then she hurried off to catch up to the rest of the Gryffindors. Derek smiled after her for a moment, then let his smile fade to a determined look as he climbed the stairs purposefully.

It didn't take him very long to reach the Gargoyle statue that marked the entrance to the Headmaster's Office. But once there he was stuck. He did not know the password. He folded his arms and tried to think of what the password could be, but he didn't get very far before a voice interrupted his musings.

"Hershey Kiss" The Gargoyle sprung to life and leapt aside at the same time that Derek's form leapt to one side of the hallway and turned to face the bearer of the voice. It turned out that it was the man that he had been looking for, and Derek allowed himself to relax. "I believe you want to see me, Mr. Fugue?" The old man asked him. Derek simply nodded, still getting over the shock a bit. Dumbledore smiled and his eyes twinkled as he gestured for Derek to lead the way up the staircase that went to his office.

Derek walked in first and stood in front of one of the chairs on the closer side of the desk that stood in the middle of the room. As Dumbledore went around the desk, Derek took the chance to look at some of the strange instruments that were kept in various positions all around the room. There were quite a bit sitting on the desk, some were placed just so on one of the cabinets or bookcases that lined the edges of the room, and there were even a few that were freestanding.

Of course, as soon as Derek's eyes caught the phoenix on his perch, his eyes never left it. The beautiful plumage rose and fell slightly with the steady breathing of sleep. Dumbledore sat down at the desk and noticed where Derek's attention lay. He chuckled. "Yes, he is quite the thing to look at in here. I've never been able to bring any contraption in that catches any visitor's eye more than Fawkes here."

Derek sincerely doubted that this was the only reason why Dumbledore brought in the strange contraptions, but he kept his mouth shut about it. Dumbledore indicated that he should sit down, so he did. "And what brings you on a visit to my office this evening, Mr. Fugue?"

Derek sighed. He had wanted a little more time to think of what he was going to say. Even if it was good that Dumbledore had shown up to use the password for him. Derek made a split-second decision to say whatever flowed out of him, and to trust his instincts. "It's about me and my family."

"I see," was the response from Dumbledore. When the pause lengthened, Dumbledore didn't make a move to hurry him, or to tell him that he should go on. Derek knew it, and thought perhaps the concentration on his face told Dumbledore that no amount of prodding would make him hurry up.

"My parents…" Derek trailed off and swallowed, then he pushed on, his resolve strengthening. "…are Death Eaters. And they want me to become one as well."

Dumbledore leaned forward on his desk and steepled his fingers. His eyes didn't have their trademark twinkle; instead, they looked dull and actually betrayed the age of the man that they belonged to. "What do you think about this?"

"I… I'm not that kind of person," Derek replied honestly, for the first time about himself. "I've had a list of things I've had to research in order to get in my parents' good graces again… which I haven't been in since I was Sorted into Gryffindor… though I'm still unsure as to _why_ I was Sorted into Gryffindor…"

"You were Sorted into Gryffindor because that is where you belong," Dumbledore remarked, not having moved in the slightest. "The Sorting Hat has made surprising Sortings before, but it has never been wrong about the House that a student was supposed to be in. After all, many people are not who they seem to be at first glance."

"But the Sorting Hat told me that I could be in _any_ House with the way I was!" Derek responded heatedly, "It said I was brave, cunning, loyal and intelligent. But it said that I was not like my parents, and the rest of my family, and that I would make more and better friends if I was Sorted into Gryffindor!"

"Is that why you nodded?"

_Another minute passed, and then Derek gave an infinitesimal nod. It was so slight, that Dumbledore was sure that had he been able to see his face, he wouldn't have noticed the head move at all._

Derek was flabbergasted. "You saw that?"

Dumbledore's eyes shone for a moment. "I'm rumoured to know everything that goes on in this school, you know."

Derek frowned to himself. _He didn't answer my question._

"The Sorting Hat didn't make a mistake, and I imagine it took more convincing that just those two points to get you to finally acquiesce to the Sorting Hat's suggestion."

Derek nodded. "There was more than that, sir, but I don't wish to share."

Dumbledore waved a hand. "There's no need to share anymore than you wish, Mr. Fugue. I know that your progress here at Hogwarts has not been easy. I'm disappointed that I could not find a way to help you through your troubles, but there was nothing I could do to bring you what you needed. I had to count on the strong personalities in your House and year. They succeeded, it seems, in bringing out your true self.

"You've slowly changed through your years here from what could have been a nastier person than your father had been, or Lucius Malfoy, or Severus Snape, who also seems to be garnering a reputation among the students in the same kinds of nastiness. But you don't even stoop as low as James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew do. You keep to yourself, you pick your battles wisely and you defend your own code. You've been doing that the whole time; even if you haven't noticed it."

Derek was completely still in his seat, absorbing the words that Dumbledore was telling him. But how was all this to help him? He didn't even know how to pose a question to Dumbledore to guide the conversation in the direction that he wanted it to go.

"But you've been discovering things about yourself now. You've been discovering the things that Derek Fugue thinks. Not the Fugue family, not Gryffindor House, not anyone else. Just Derek; the most important thing that is in your life are your own thoughts. You have to know them from the thoughts of your peers, family, and tutors. So, again, I can't help you, except to tell you that I am here to talk to.

"I cannot take you away from your parents, as they are your legal guardians and I am not. I cannot accuse them of being Death Eaters because the only proof I have is your word, and though that would possibly be sufficient, it would put you in more danger than you already are in. So, unfortunately, you must continue in this endeavor yourself."

Dumbledore smiled at him. "Is there anything else?"

Derek shook his head mutely. There was a lot to think about.

Dumbledore nodded and though he made no gesture of any kind, and didn't say a word, Derek knew it was a dismissal. The man had a school to run.

"Thank you, Professor."

"You're welcome, Mr. Fugue."

And Derek left the office.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm sorry that you all had to wait so long for this. The end of the school year was hectic, and was immediately followed by me gallivanting off to Europe for a few weeks. So now I'm back, and I'm trying to finish this before HBP comes out. Only a few chapters to go!


	15. Lily's Midnight Adventure

**Chapter 14: Lily's Midnight Adventure**

When Derek got back to the Common Room that evening, he went to the study group as he had promised Sarah earlier. She smiled at him as he sat down, as did Lily, Wanda, Kelly and… his happiness dropped when he realized that not only were all the girls at the group, there were only girls at the group.

And Derek knew what they were going to ask him.

"Before you ask," he said, sitting down with a slight huff, "I've been having no luck getting him to mention anything about anyone in that subject." He watched as all their faces turned glum and then back to their studies. He shook his head in amusement. How they all paid so much attention to this strange mission of theirs! And his own, in a way. It was refreshing to be doing something to help Remus, since Remus had not really ever been as terrible to him as the rest of the Marauders had. Even after… no… _especially_ after the antics with James, Remus was Derek's favorite Marauder.

Lily and Derek conferred over the Charms notes for Derek's sake and the Arithmancy notes for Lily's, letting all of the others hear their conversations just in case it would help some of them. It turned out, like every other time the did that, to be immensely useful for the rest of the people who were doing the assignments at the same time. Sarah made noises every time she made a breakthrough ("Whaaa-ooooh! So the angle has to be the degree at which you hate them!"), and Derek couldn't help but chuckle at some of the more interesting ones. Sarah never noticed.

Just as they were finishing up Transfiguration, Derek noticed that the common room had cleared and his watch told him that it was nearly midnight. He told Lily this and she scurried; grabbing up her arrayed books and papers as if something was on fire. "Is there something the matter?" Kelly asked her, watching her antics with some apprehension.

"Remus and I have patrol tonight, and our shift started a half hour ago! Why didn't he get me!" she shrieked, and then she was off into the girls' dorms like a flash and merely seconds later she came out again and sprinted out of the portrait hole, red hair and robes flying behind her.

Needless to say, she had the rest of the sixth year girls and Derek staring after her for a few long moments.

Derek finally broke the tension by turning back to his homework and began to clear it up. The rest of them followed suit, but didn't notice that Derek was cleaning up very slowly. Each of them finished before him and wished him goodnight as they headed up to the dormitory they shared. Derek stopped his act of clearing up when Sarah finally had finished clearing up and gave him a goodnight hug. He was the last one remaining in the common room, and the only light left was the fireplace that was by the comfy chairs. He made sure his homework could actually be taken up to his dorm easily and took it over to the comfy chair and set it down next to it and fell into the chair himself.

He stared into the flames of the fire that was his only company. He could feel everything that was happening was coming to a head. At last, in a way. He was tired of being pressed on all sides. Something had to go; he knew it. He had wished originally that the problem with James would be the thing to explode first, but it looked like that happening was getting less and less likely as the days passed. And Dumbledore's words weren't encouraging on the other front at all. They were helpful, as they helped him sort his thoughts a bit, but they didn't encourage him at all.

So it seemed that Christmas break, a mere month and change away, was going to be when he had to make a decision between torture of the soul and torture of the body. Because joining the Death Eaters would make him right in his parents' eyes finally, but they would never love him. That was something beyond them. Even thinking back to his time before becoming a Gryffindor… love hadn't been in any of the relationships except the one with Theo. His parents simply kept him around because he was their kid. He could no longer imagine what he would be doing now if he hadn't opened up to Sarah, and then later to James that summer.

He regretted none of it; even if he wished for some of the events to go a little better.

It was amazing really, what magic couldn't fix. Magic wouldn't fix his problem; it couldn't actually help him get the kind of life he would've liked to have had originally. It wouldn't even fix some of the minor things that were wrong with his life as it is. Magic could only help him protect himself against those who would try to kill him. Kill Sarah, kill Lily, kill Remus… kill everyone. Derek took out his wand from within the folds of his robes and played with it the way his parents had taught him. Looking at ease, but really ready to curse the skin off of anyone in his way.

He was slightly surprised at himself. He had gone from, in June, a bastard who basically cared about himself and had a few people to talk to stay sane, to a normal kid with the same kinds of hopes and fears as the rest of them. Though not necessarily, he added with a wry grin, the same problems. He had people he cared about. He had realized some people meant more to him than he had ever thought. And others he had simply realized where their loyalties lied to begin with. And how they could never rival the kinds of things he felt daily while he remained within the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. He felt a strong pull to stay at the castle over winter break, no matter what his parents said.

Oh, if only things were that easy. But he would not be staying at the castle over winter break, he would be going to wherever Lord Voldemort met with his followers, and he wasn't sure what was going to happen there. He wasn't sure whether he would be able to do anything to stop his own death if he didn't acquiesce to the bastard's wishes. He couldn't imagine what his parents would do to him if Voldemort left him alive. He didn't really want to think about that, but it was something he had to worry about.

Derek felt a hand come down on his shoulder, and he jumped up turning and pointed his wand at his assailant. When he finally got a good look at Lily's face, he lowered his wand. Lily looked a little surprised at his reaction, but not hurt at all. Derek sighed. "Where's Remus?"

"In his dorm, where he's supposed to be. Where I'm supposed to be… Merlin, where we're _all_ supposed to be."

Derek tilted his head. "What happened to your Prefect rounds?"

Lily scowled. "It wasn't tonight, it was tomorrow night. I went looking for Remus, but when I couldn't find him anywhere, I just started doing the rounds on my own. When it was almost quitting time I ran into the Hufflepuff fifth year prefects, the people who were _actually_ supposed to be on their rounds tonight. Thankfully they understood my predicament and let me go back to my dorms."

Lily fumed for a moment. "How could I be so _stupid!_ I can't believe I mixed up the nights we're supposed to be on shift!"

Derek was a little taken aback. "Lily, calm down, you didn't lose any points, you're back now, and those Hufflepuffs won't tell the whole school. It's okay!"

Lily hopped over the couch and plopped herself unceremoniously where Derek had vacated. Derek walked over to the other side of the couch as she spoke again heatedly. "I lost sleep before a test. But that would be fine without the other thing. Ooohhh…"

"Lily…"

"That… _cow!_ I found her after I had talked to the Hufflepuffs, so I knew I wasn't on duty. I decided to be nice, and because I didn't really want to admit that I was so scatterbrained tonight. So I told her…

"_It's your lucky night," Lily said to the frozen figure in front of her, "I'm not strictly on duty at the moment, so I'm just going to keep walking without any recollection of who I just passed…" And she took four steps and was about to take the fifth that would take her past the figure when she felt a hand grasp her arm. Lily whirled. "Lumos!" And when the light revealed the figure, she gasped._

_Bellatrix Black._

"_Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Bellatrix cooed, her grip not slackening and the wandlight revealing her wand was trained on Lily just as warily as Lily's was on her. "An ickle little mudblood wandering the halls after dark without her scruffy guide. Did you get lost, little girl?" And she laughed. A cruel laugh that echoed off of the walls in the hallway they were standing in._

"_Let me go," Lily demanded through clenched teeth._

"_Why would I let a prize like you go?" Bellatrix was cooing again. "You may be an ickle mudblood, but you're definitely one of the ones the Dark Lord would want to meet. Personally." The way the last word was emphasized made Lily swallow with fear, which caused another spurt of laughter to erupt from Bellatrix's mouth. "Oh, I'm going to enjoy this. Hagrid may have stopped us from doing this to you in third year, but I'm certainly going to enjoy every last curse I place on you." There was a soft footfall from Lily's right, and both girls turned toward it, neither moving their wands from their targets._

_The way the shadows lined up, the only thing they could see about the student was that they were wearing Hogwarts robes. That didn't rule out anyone at all, and both girls watched warily as the mystery person walked toward them, and just as the House badge and the tie were about to come into view, they stopped, and took a wary stance. Lily didn't know the stance; she had never seen it before. So it wasn't someone she knew would help her out, but with the wariness, she didn't know whether they would help Bellatrix either._

_Both girls waited with bated breath until the mystery person acted. They didn't speak, they just raised their wand and conjured ropes to bind Bellatrix. Bellatrix's wand clattered to the floor and rolled towards the newcomer. Lily, unable to relax, watched with bated breath as her rescuer stopped the incoming wand with an outstretched foot, and then bent to pick it up. When he bent over, he revealed his face to both Lily and Bellatrix, and Bellatrix blanched, while Lily didn't know what to think._

_James Potter finally stepped into the full light, and Lily saw the anger that was burning in his eyes. She found her own anger growing. Just like him, to come gallivanting in just at the last moment and curse away at something that had just called her mudblood…_

_But this was more serious than that. James looked at Bellatrix for a bit, and she stared back at him with defiant eyes. Finally James ended it by silently and slowly raising his wand to her again. "Stupify," he said quietly, and Bellatrix fainted. He turned to Lily, finding her green eyes blazing just as much as his hazel ones were. His lost their blaze when met with her furious face, and he looked downcast. Then he spoke again._

"_This is why I curse them, Lily." That's all he said. He then levitated Bellatrix with a quiet swish and flick of his wand, and he walked off through the hallway towards the Hospital Wing. Lily was left staring after him._

"I don't _get it!_" Lily slammed her fist into the armrest of the couch. It gave easily and gave no satisfying crack or sound or even hurt her fist at all. "What is it with him! He's always around, doing things to madden me, then asks me out as if they would cause me to love him in a single moment! What was he doing out? What was he thinking when he did that? _Why didn't he act like himself!_"

"Lily…" Derek tried again, but to no avail.

"He's _maddening!_ I don't know what to do with him anymore! Can't he make up his damn mind! This morning he was a prat, at lunch he was a prat, this afternoon he was a git, at dinner he was a prat again, and then tonight he was a _gentleman! _ What is going on!"

"He's maturing."

Both Derek and Lily turned to find James standing there behind them, an impassive look on his face. Derek didn't know what to do, so he remained frozen to that spot.

"Maturing? And yet you happened to be out of your dorm tonight?"

"If I wasn't out of my dorm tonight, Merlin knows what would've happened to you!" James cried out. Derek immediately cast silencing spells around that corner of the Common Room. He didn't want anyone _else _losing sleep over this. _Yet another example of something relatively mundane I _actually _can fix with magic_ he thought wryly.

"We were at an impasse, you git! I could have taken care of myself!"

"But there was a chance! A small one, maybe, but a chance that you would get hurt!"

"Oh, so you now care about my feelings?"

"I've cared about your feelings for a long time!"

"AND YOU DECIDE THAT JUST BECAUSE I HANG OUT WITH DEREK, THAT I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND!" Derek blinked. _Why me?_

"IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A JUMP, LILY! YOU OBVIOUSLY WERE SEARCHING FOR TIME ALONE WITH EACH OTHER!"

"TO TALK! OR DOES A SIMPLE TALK NOT MAKE ANY SENSE TO THAT SMALL BRAIN OF YOURS!"

"NOT WHEN EVERYONE'S NEW FAVORITE PERSON HERE IS TRYING TO BE ALONE WITH THE PRITTIEST GIRL IN SCHOOL!"

Lily and James were both already livid, but after that last comment, Lily looked absolutely deadly. "Favorite person, hmm? Why not? If you keep accusing us of doing it, perhaps we should." She then turned to Derek, who took a step back, but before he knew it, Lily had closed the distance and pressed her lips to his. It felt good, sure, but it didn't feel right… Lily was pretty, Lily was his good friend and they could tell each other anything… but this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Something of him was not in the kiss, even if he did kiss back a little.

When Lily pulled away, Derek stole a look at James. He was looking between the two of them, and alternating between two emotions. Derek, anger. Lily, hurt. Repeat.

Lily looked back at James fully. "Are you satisfied?"

"I KNEW IT!" James pointed at Derek with an accusing finger. "I KNEW IT ALL ALONG! YOU _ARE_ HER BOYFRIEND!"

"No!" Derek spat. "I'm not and I never was! Don't you ever _listen_ to what Lily has to say? We're friends, that's all!"

"DON'T TELL ME YOU DIDN'T ENJOY IT, FUGUE!"

"STOP IT, POTTER!"

"It doesn't matter if I enjoy it or not! I can't afford to!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!"

But Lily wasn't paying attention to James anymore, she turned, anger dissipating rapidly, to face Derek. "What…?"

"I'M PROBABLY NOT COMING BACK AFTER CHRISTMAS!" Derek shouted, fed up, "I'M PROBABLY GOING TO _DIE!_ DO YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT _ROMANCE!_"

There was suddenly silence within the Common Room. And there was no longer a need for Derek's charms. Spent, Derek collapsed to the floor. Lily flicked out her wand and levitated Derek back to the couch. James simply stood shocked where he stood. When Derek was settled on the couch, Lily sat in one of the chairs, while James sat in a chair on the other side. "Thanks, Lily," Derek said.

There were a few minutes of silence. Derek didn't know whether he liked the silence much more than he did the raucous argument that had just ended. He didn't know whether it was better now that he had actually told someone about his new timeframe to… live… or if it would have been better to face it all alone. Without the awkward silences.

James was the first to venture into the realm of speaking again. "What do you mean, Derek?"

Derek sighed. Well, since the main bit was out, he might as well give them the details. "I got a letter from my parents this morning. They are requiring me to come home over the Christmas holidays and, in their words, "meet a good friend". I can only imagine one identity for this "friend" if they don't wish to name them."

"Voldemort," James whispered. Lily paled.

"I wanted to talk to Lily in private because she hadn't heard about my… problem… yet at the beginning of the year and I wasn't about to tell her in front of people like, say, Kelly. There were always people around. We kept the study group going because it's helping all of our grades, even though we got the talk in a while ago. And you went off and decided that I was spurning your friendship and going out with Lily."

Derek sighed. "It doesn't matter now. I have a month and a half or so before I have to leave here for…" he was about to say, _maybe the last time_, but he couldn't bring himself to. "for the holidays. Trust me when I say that I don't intend on asking the person who you continually pine after out."

James looked at Derek for a second, then over at Lily, who, though pale, nodded in agreement with what Derek was saying. Then he turned back to Derek. "Alright," he said, getting up and straightening his robes. "It's late. We should go to bed."

"I'll join you in a moment, James."

"Alright… Derek…" James replied, though slightly hesitantly, and then he turned and walked up the stairs to the boys dormitories.

Derek sat up and leaned on the opposite armrest from where Lily was sitting. She was staring into the dying embers of the fire. "I thought we had a test tomorrow, Lily."

Lily turned to look at him. "Oh, Derek… here I am worried about the idiot who I have to deal with daily, and I forget all about you and your… problem… and how it is so much worse than having some git chase after you for your hand." She sniffed, and rubbed her eyes.

"You know how James actually rescued me this time, instead of doing something pointless in my defense?" Lily asked, and Derek nodded his assent. "That's what we do when the people we care about are in trouble. That's one of the reasons I have been saying no to him this whole time… he hasn't been doing all of the simple things that show that we care about someone else. He just… does what he thinks will make himself look better in other people's eyes.

"You're better than that Derek. We know how we feel about each other because we have done those little things. And the big things too. You've surreptitiously gotten me a box of tissues when I was having a cry and no one knew why. Everyone else was asking me what was going wrong, but all you did was go off and get me a box of tissues."

Derek nodded. "And there was that time that I was in the Hospital Wing following a Quidditch match, and though everyone would come by and talk to me, I had nothing to do for quite a while, since I was all caught up on my homework. You must have found out about it, because when you gave me my homework for charms, there was a book to read inside."

Lily smiled and nodded back. "It's the little things that tell you whether you're friends with someone or not. The big things can be important, and Potter has certainly started to pick up on that… but the little ones are the most important. They are what keep us sane." Lily stood up and stretched, and Derek followed suit. "Potter may yet figure that out, it seems."

"Don't count him out yet," Derek said, "his heart's in the right place. He just needs to learn how to show it."

"Exactly," Lily said, and kissed Derek's cheek. "Er… about that earlier kiss…"

"It's alright," Derek said, "It's not the way we're supposed to be."

Lily smiled. "I couldn't have said it better, myself. Goodnight, Derek."

"Goodnight, Lily."

Lily walked back up into her dorm, and Derek turned to do the same. The explosion had come and gone. He felt much better about everything. James, Lily, his own choice, and even his upcoming "problem". What an accurate word. Problems can be solved.


	16. Remus's Secret

**Chapter 15: Remus's Secret**

Derek fell to the ground, spluttering out the liquid that was fouling up his mouth. He was glad that his mouth was numb, and he couldn't taste it. He didn't want to know what it was. He could barely feel anything at all, and he couldn't move. He had turned his head to the left so that he hadn't hit the ground face down. That might have been the end of him right there, but he still had control of his own neck. There were a few moments of silence after the thump of his landing. And then the world exploded.

"_Crucio!_"

Derek screamed, and though the pain was just as bad as he remembered it, it was a familiar pain at this point. It was too strong to get lost in, though. He couldn't forget himself and ignore the pain… even if he was numb all over. His spasms had brought him around to being on his back. He couldn't control any of his muscles now, not that he could think straight enough to realize that he might want to. All that filled him was the pain, and that left no room for thought or memory.

And then it stopped again.

The only sound in the retched place was the ragged breathing of the now seventeen-year-old wizard. The pain was not completely gone, and Derek was forced to cough again, and he couldn't turn his head, or try to get out of the way of what came out. He dealt with it.

And a voice, a voice like scratching on a chalkboard sounded loudly in his ear. "Goodbye, Derek. _Avada Kedavra!_"

"GRAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Derek screamed, sitting up so quickly he nearly launched himself out of the bed. He was soaked, and so were the blankets and mattress cover that he was sleeping on. After he had regained his balance, he threw off the covers and stood up. He collected the covers that had fallen off onto the bed and put on the first clothes he came by in his trunk. When he was dressed, he then looked at the marauders.

James and Sirius were sleeping like babies. As it was completely normal for them to sleep through a duel, Derek didn't find this out of the ordinary. Peter was also a heavy sleeper, though not nearly as much of one as either of James or Sirius. When Derek's eyes rested on Remus's bed, he jumped. Remus was sitting quietly in his bed, watching him.

"Did I wake you?" Derek asked him in a whispered tone, even though had he shouted he probably would not have woken the other three boys.

"No," Remus replied in the same tones, though without the breathlessness that was understandably in Derek's voice. "I couldn't sleep."

Derek nodded. "And I don't need to tell you what happened to me."

Remus shook his head, and silence fell between the two boys. Derek turned and walked to the window that looked out upon the grounds from where they slept. They were quiet and bare, as was to be expected from the grounds at such an hour. "Remus, what time is it?"

"Probably about four. Don't you have your watch on?"

Derek shook his head. "I tossed it in my trunk before Quidditch practice, and I've yet to put it on again."

Derek sighed. This was becoming a very annoying tradition. It had happened in fits and spurts ever since the year began, but ever since that letter… that Merlin-cursed letter… he had had a similar dream every night without fail. He didn't always wake up in the middle of it, but it always was about his meeting with Lord Voldemort and generally ended with his death. When James apologized a few days after the letter came, that evening Derek escaped from the Death Eaters with his life _and_ his wand in the dream he had that night.

But the dream had quickly become routine, and so, unfortunately, was the loss of sleep associated with such dreams. He had begun to lag behind in some of his classes, even though he scrambled at the study sessions to try to catch up. He imagined that the study sessions were the only reason he was able to keep up with the coursework, if not keep the same kinds of grades he used to be able to keep with no effort at all.

Lily was treading lightly around him as if he could just fall dead at a wrong breath. James didn't smile when he looked at him, but he didn't glare either. It was more of a forlorn look that James got when he looked over at Derek, whether Derek looked back or not. Sarah asked him what was wrong with such an unhappy look on her face a few days after the letter that he had told her about the letter. Once that had happened, Sarah greeted him with a hug and a sad look into his eyes.

Remus treated him the same, and that's what kept him sane.

That had been the constant factor. Since second year, Remus had been treating him the same way, and vice versa. Day in, day out, Remus and Derek had known where they stood with the other. They had known that when one of them was forced to go to the common room in the middle of the night because of something that was going on, the other would be there. Always there. Always willing to lend an ear and keep the secret with them to their graves. Derek had never told Sarah or Helga anything that Remus had told him on those nights, and Derek could swear the rest of the marauders didn't know anything about what he had told Remus.

It was this relationship that was brought to Derek's mind as he stared out the window at some ungodly hour in the morning with the only other person in the castle up sitting on one of the beds that was behind him. Derek turned around and walked over to Remus's bed and sat on the edge of it. Remus didn't speak or move; he had probably expected this eventuality, and the silence was kept save for the snores of their dorm mates until Derek broke it.

"Did James tell you?"

"That you two made up?"

"No; not that. Something far more important than that petty squabble."

Remus let a smile touch his lips. "Well, at least we knew it was petty. Did Lily really kiss you?"

Derek sighed. "Yes, but I want to talk about the important thing."

Remus's smile left as quickly as it had come, and he murmured an apology. "Go on then, Derek."

"My parents will most likely take me in front of Lord Voldemort during the Christmas Holidays."

Remus looked at him, not changing the look on his face much, but Derek could tell out of long practice that Remus was in thought. He waited for Remus to come to the conclusion that he wanted. "You told James this?"

"It brought to the fore just how pointless the whole thing is. He let it drop between that and that Lily's even more annoyed with him than she used to be. But much as I tell anyone, or ask anyone advice, they have nothing. No one knows what to do in the face of my problem."

"Running away won't work; there's nowhere to run away to."

Derek shook his head with a dark look taking over his face. "No. I'm stuck here until the holidays, and if when they do come I should happen to go against my parents' wishes and stay here, I will simply be delaying the inevitable, and make them angry at the same time."

Remus was quiet for a moment, and Derek had nothing more to say, so he let his gaze return to the window out across the top of the Forbidden Forest. "What would you gain?"

"What?"

"What would you gain if you were to delay? We know that you would be safe until the Easter Holidays, and that when they finally got their hands on you your parents would be extremely angry with you, but what could you gain with a delay? Would you be able to learn anything, get anything done that you couldn't in the next month or so?"

Derek turned back around to look at Remus again. "I know I wouldn't be able to deal with the dreams that long."

Remus shrugged. "Get a dreamless sleep potion."

Derek sighed. "I've tried to get some from the nurse, but she refuses because I can't bear to give her the reason I've been having the dreams. I was able to tell Dumbledore, but I can't imagine telling anyone that I haven't already told at this point."

"What if someone else did the telling for you?"

Derek shook his head, his eyes pleading. "No… that would also be bad. If it got out that my parents are Death Eaters and plan to bring me to a meeting over Christmas Holidays and have me initiated then, I would probably be in serious trouble with the Ministry."

"And that's worse than what you're in now?"

Derek gave a wry smile with no mirth. "Azkaban is the only punishment I can think of that would be worse than death."

Remus nodded. "Considering the crap we've all had to deal with, especially you, I imagine that there are many things that the Dementors would leave us with." There was another stretch of silence before Remus tried another solution. "You told Dumbledore?"

"Yes."

"And he didn't say anything that would help?"

"He said that he couldn't help. The only proof he had of their guilt was my word, and he saw that bring that out in the open would bring me into more danger than I already was in. So he said that I had to 'continue in my endeavor alone.' Not a pleasant thought, even with all the comforting words he had to give before that."

Remus nodded. "What he does is never really obvious as to how it will help us all, but I know that he cares about all of us. He has done many things to help us all, many things no one else would do…" He then stopped, though his tone of voice had suggested that there was more that he wanted to say.

Derek looked at him askance. "Is this your secret again?"

Remus nodded, though he didn't say anything.

Derek stood up, moving back over to the window and leaning on the sill. "It has something to do with something that Dumbledore has done for you. Something he had not done for anyone else. And something that no one else would have done for you. We'd never pried into each others' secrets before… but now there's the fact that I'm laid open for practically everybody this year. Do you think you can trust me with the secret you have?"

Derek looked upwards into the starlit sky. The moon was only visible during dawn and dusk since it was nearly new, so there was no bright silver disc in the sky. The ground was only lit by the weak starlight, though it was strong enough for Derek to make out the Forbidden Forest, Hagrid's hut and the lake. Having studied the outdoors enough, he turned back to his friend, who looked up from his thoughts at the same time.

"I can trust you," Remus said in a voice that was barely audible even compared to the whispers that they had been communicating in the first place.

Derek sat on the sill, more than slightly surprised that Remus was willing. "You don't have to Remus… I'm just saying that-"

Remus cut him off. "I know all of your secrets now; much more than the rest of them. Even they know this secret of mine, and I'm surprised that you haven't figured it out yourself.

"My mother is the healthiest witch you may ever meet. She has never been sick; she has simply been the excuse that I have been using to explain my many absences. Back in third year, the rest of this room figured it out… and they have been helping me through it ever since… I held off telling you because I didn't know how you would take it."

Derek stood up and walked over to the bed that Remus was sitting on. Remus didn't notice because he had looked down to the sheets of his bed during the whole monologue. When Derek put his hand on the other boy's shoulder, Remus looked up at him with fear in his eyes. Derek shook his head. "You are Remus Lupin. No more, no less. The Marauders are no less your friend because of this secret; it will be the same as me. You have been there for me through my secret troubles."

Remus held his gaze for a long moment before he looked down again, and sighed. Then he spoke, and it gave chills along Derek's spine.

"I am a werewolf."

Derek stared at Remus, as all of the gears began to click into place. Something had always happened to Remus's mother. Eventually, he had said that he visited his mother about every month, changing slightly each time to allow for when his father could be off from work while he was home. But it had always been on the full moons… though Derek had never noticed the pattern. He _had_ noticed it was the full moon during two of the excursions, but the weirdest was when he woke up in the middle of the night just two weeks before… and found no one else in his dorm.

"And the Marauders… how do they help you?"

"They… they became Animagi. Peter's a rat, James is a stag and Sirius is a big dog. They go with me to where I am when I transform and they keep me from hurting myself too much."

Derek stood up and walked across the room again, looking out the window.

Remus sighed. "I knew I shouldn't have told you."

Derek shook his head. "No, you should have told me sooner. It's too late for me to be doing anything like becoming an animagus with the kind of time I have left, but I would have liked to have been in on all this. I can't believe I didn't notice sooner, with all of you gone once a month…" He whirled and marched back to Remus. "We all have our problems, Remus, and this is yours. Mine's that I'm going to die in a month."

Remus stared at him incredulously. "Don't say that!" he whispered heatedly.

Derek shook his head. "There's no reason to deny it. _I_ certainly don't see any way out of this."

Remus stood up for the first time and put his hands on Derek's shoulders. "When I was bitten by the werewolf… I thought that my whole life would simply be a misery. Then Dumbledore helped me get into the school and put in measures so that I wouldn't bite any of you. Then the Marauders found out about it, and they helped me live. Not just exist between transformations… but live. You helped, Lily helped… everyone helped by being themselves… Look, the point is that things right now are much better than I could have ever imagined when I was ten, and thinking that I wouldn't be able to go to Hogwarts at all. Things can work out, Derek. You can make them work out."

Derek looked into his friend's eyes. "But how? How can I make it work, Remus?" he pleaded.

Remus looked away. "I think you may have to find that out yourself."


	17. Sarah's Hope

**Chapter 16: Sarah's Hope**

Derek's trunk sat on the floor by the end of the Gryffindor table. Dressed in his winter coats, he was seated on the bench right beside his trunk, looking longingly up at the Head Table. Wishing that instead of being empty as the staff prepared the students for the train ride that they had ahead of them, and preparing to leave themselves, that it would still be full of teachers eating their noonday meal and looking out over their charges. He sighed dejectedly. He was out of time.

Since the talk he had with Remus nearly a month before, he had changed his daily training. The list that he had from his father was laying abandoned in the bottom of his trunk and he had not touched it since that night. Instead, he had been working with Remus and James and even Sirius on dueling technique. Several interesting little tricks that James had taught him would definitely come in handy. All so that he would have a chance to survive the madness that he was now caught up in.

Of course, the world didn't revolve around Derek, so that wasn't the only thing that had happened through that month. There were still classes, though Derek's grades pulled up a bit; enough that he settled back into a routine. James still didn't join the study group, and nor did Sirius. When Derek was at the study group (as well as Remus), the other two people involved in the "training" were most likely off pranking. Lily was getting highly annoyed with the pair of them, and had been heard loudly thanking Merlin that she wouldn't have to deal with James for a few weeks.

She was always careful to not say that she was glad the _winter holidays_ was coming, only that James wouldn't be able to annoy her for a few weeks. Derek had caught her eye straying to him when she said it within a few meters of him. And she wasn't the only one who was treading lightly around him lately. Remus was steady and reliable, James was his normal self until a particularly awkward moment developed out of his big mouth, and he would freeze, and then launch into a completely separate subject. Lily found this maddening, the marauders hilarious, but Derek kind of appreciated it. It was… heartening.

Sirius was almost as blustery as James was, but he didn't let his mouth put him in as much trouble. Sirius's way of dealing with things was often pretending that they didn't exist at all on the outside while he worked on it in private or, in this case, behind closed doors. Peter still didn't know, or at least, Derek didn't think he did. He didn't change at all, anyway. Most of the girls knew, Derek was sure of it, but though they stepped quietly around certain subjects when they knew he was there, they didn't do anything highly different.

There was one exception. And it was this one exception that sat down across from him at the table. She was not packed, as she was not leaving the castle for the holidays. Derek couldn't blame her at all, though she still felt the need to apologize every time the subject of winter holidays came up at all. It hadn't gotten to the point where he would snap at her because of it, though he did burst out laughing the last time she tried.

Sarah simply sat on the opposite bench, not saying anything at all. Derek didn't mind too much; her company in silence was never overbearing or awkward, as it could have easily been. Like he imagined it would be if James decided to show up and sit down next to Lily who was sitting on the opposite end of the Gryffindor table. Derek imagined it was to dodge that particular fate that she was in the Great Hall instead of the Common Room like so many others that were leaving. James, Derek could say with quite a bit of accuracy, was probably not yet finished packing and annoying the rest of the Gryffindors with his screams of outrage. This, of course, not being a good thing for Lily's mood.

No, Derek and Sarah were in no way like Lily and James. They could easily remain in the same room for over twenty minutes without starting a row (James and Lily topped out at eighteen most of the time). _And_ they both sought out the other when they wanted to talk to someone. Derek moved his head for the first time as he leaned over his shoulder to look down the table at Lily. She was staring off into space as he just was, though he didn't know what she was thinking about. She noticed that he was looking at him, and she gave him a tired wave. Derek smiled a bit as he returned it, then turned back around so that he was facing the staff table.

"Derek," Sarah said. It was slow, betraying her nervousness over what she was going to bring up. Derek put his hand on her shoulder and turned his attention to her, and she sighed, but she went on. "Could this really be the last time…?" She didn't have to finish.

"Probably," was Derek's reply. He had never been a believer in false hope. Hope, when dashed, had nearly as bad consequences as the ones he was walking into. At least those he could prevent. He would do his best to prevent his own demise, but realistically he didn't have any chance at all of walking away from a Death Eater meeting alive if he said no. At least he knew he had a choice.

Sarah took two deep breaths to steady herself, and when she spoke again it was in a heated whisper. "Don't you dare think that! It is _probably_ true that you are going to _live_! You are a very strong person, Derek. James is strong in his way through his confidence, intelligence and Quidditch talents. Sirius has Quidditch, the run of the girls of the castle and his incredible knack for keeping himself from getting expelled. Remus always knows when to say something, be it firm or kind, and has to be the smartest of us all, save perhaps Lily or you. Lily is looked up to by everyone, _including_ those that look up to the Marauders too.

"Wanda has Quidditch and her strong aura. She keeps people in line with a look. But you… think about what you've gone through to get here. Think about the things that your parents have done, what the Marauders have done, and what the Slytherins have done to you as well as all of us. There are many things that I can say about you that I couldn't about any of the others in our year. But most of all, you've kept going. It doesn't matter that you don't have hope left now… you'll keep going anyway, because that's who you are."

Sarah shook off Derek's hand from her shoulder and placed both of her hands on his shoulders, and both teens looked into the other's eyes. "But if you go into this struggle without hope… then I will never see you again. Then Lily, Remus… none of us will ever see you again. And I'm not the only one who won't be the same afterwards, Derek."

Derek swallowed. He was scared that Sarah was so affected by this that she would be driven to say all of this to him. The worst part was that he didn't know what he could do to placate her, even temporarily. "What do you want me to do about it, Sarah?"

When Sarah looked directly into his eyes this time, Derek felt something… it wasn't something that could be explained off as a developing crush, love, a part of their friendship… it was more of Sarah's true thoughts were speaking to him directly, without the middle-man of her mouth. "Hope, Derek. It's all about the hope. Didn't you always have it? Even if it wasn't obvious? Something was helping you get through everything when nothing was going your way. When you didn't have anyone to talk to… before you began to… to change. Into the person you are now. There was something, I'm sure of that. I think it was hope."

Derek sent his mind back into the crevasses that he did not like to travel. To the torture administered to him by Sirius's cousins and the greasy-haired git. Then there was the fear when he spotted the same three making their way to Lily beside the lake. Then there was the day that he was effectively knocked out of the prank war that Snape and the Marauders had ongoing between them. Then there was the day he learned of Lord Voldemort and that his parents were part of his following. Finally, his mind reached him as he was right then…

What tied them together? What, as Sarah had put it, had been helping him get through everything when nothing was going his way. All he could remember about the events were the events themselves; he couldn't find his own feelings. He scrunched up his face in concentration. He had to go _deeper_.

_He let out a cry as the ropes bit into the boils that had been previously cast upon him. He felt tears stinging his eyes, but he dared not let them fall. Oh, he was afraid all right. But fear would not have helped him later. He was afraid of the last time this had happened… when Bellatrix had taunted him when he had been on the receiving end of one too many curses in one day. But things had gotten better since then, hadn't they?_

_But what did that mean?_

_What did it matter if things had gotten better the _last_ time he had been in trouble? What did that do to him? _It was not that event that would tell him what he needed to know. It did, however, teach him how to look. He cast about in his mind, trying to find the same connection he had just held, just with a different relevant event. Suddenly it came within his grasp, and he snatched it with abandon.

_He was frozen in a moment in time. It took forever for the three figures to take their next step towards the motionless girl that sat on the bank of the lake. But even as slow as they were going, Derek knew that he could go no faster, nor could he help them if he caught up. A sense of panic rose in him to his throat. He didn't want Lily to have to deal with the same thing that he had dealt with. He knew what she would have to deal with… and he knew just how much pain she could be in for, or it might be worse because she was actually a mudblood._

_He began to look around, his heart pumping… _Wait. The scene stopped playing in Derek's head, but Derek remained in the thick of the emotion and the feelings that coursed through his body back then. He slowly rewound his deep memory until he found the moment he was looking for. What made him look around.

_What can I do?_

The shock of it brought him back to the present, and he noticed Sarah's confused face in front of him. He summoned a smile to his own and patted her knee. "I don't know if I'd call that hope… but I did find something."

Sarah only got more confused. "If it's not hope, what is it?"

Derek didn't hesitate for a moment. "It's the will to do something about it. It's not paying attention to the danger inherent to the moment, it's trying to prevent the danger from happening at all. It's an instinct; it's a reaction. That's what keeps me going."

Sarah calmed a bit and schooled her face to a more normal expression. She spoke quietly. "Trust in that then… but I'll trust in hope. Because even if hope fails me… it still can succeed." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and stood up. "Goodbye, Derek. I _will_ see you again." She walked away. Derek watched her go. He watched Sarah and Lily exchange goodbyes and a hug before Sarah left the Great Hall. But not before she looked one last time at the boy at the far end of the Gryffindor table.

It was Sarah and her talk of hope that stuck in Derek's mind for the hours that remained that day. The train ride was not a boring one, as there were many Marauder antics that filled the compartments with laughter and gaiety. And the spirit of Christmas… something that Derek was sure he had never experienced himself until that train ride taught it to him. It wasn't hard for James, Sirius and Remus to pull Derek in with them to the festivities (and the pranking, of course).

At the end of the train ride it was just the Marauders and Derek in the compartment when Lily came in and told Peter to leave while she gave a lecture to the rest of the boys in the room. She looked furious, but Peter looked absolutely gleeful in that he was getting out of a lecture to the Marauders. He literally danced out the door. Once he was gone, Lily shut the compartment door in a huff, then dropped the façade. "I'm glad he believed me. There was no other way to get him out of here."

As Lily walked over to sit down, James nodded in agreement (this of course prompting some gawking from Sirius and a catcall to the effect of James and Lily doing very inappropriate things). "Yes, ev- Shut up, Padfoot! Even though we all know about Derek, it isn't our secret to tell, and therefore Peter will know only when Derek tells him." Remus nodded.

"What's this about?" Derek asked warily.

James and Sirius calmed down far more quickly than they did on a normal basis, and Lily and Remus became extremely grave. "This," James said, "is a farewell."

"But this is not a farewell in the fact that you are leaving us. It is a farewell in that we are wishing you to fare well in the challenges that you are heading out to face," Sirius added, without a trace of smugness. The words combined with Sirius being completely serious for once brought out a warm feeling in Derek.

"Because we believe in you," Lily continued, now throwing an amused look at the present Marauders, "and have trained you well." This brought on some snickering from everyone in the room, and Derek's smile was the brightest of all of them. "And we know that you will come back to us in the new year."

"So don't worry about all of us. We'll be fine, because we know that you'll be fine," Remus finished, and all present nodded. At that moment, the train stopped, and the five teenagers began to pack and leave the train, their words turning to less weighty subject matter.

Leaving Derek to think about the things that Sarah had said in combination with what the rest of them had provided to him on the train while he sat dejected in the car on the way to the Manor. _Not home. Home implies something else._

Sarah had talked about hope: the feeling that everything will be alright in the end. Lily and the Marauders had provided complete confidence in his success. He wasn't so sure of that himself; but as his friends' confidence in him had been revealed, he had felt his own confidence and calmness growing within himself. He began to understand what Sarah had been talking about when she said that hope is what got her through the hard times. And like him, she truly knew what hard times meant.

He stared out the window as the first few drops of the storm began to fall and mask his vision of the countryside that rushed past the car. Hope. He _did_ hope that he would come out on top. He was definitely prepared; the Marauders and his own father had seen to that. He let himself smile grimly at the irony. His own father training him to be the weapon that he had wanted… but had pointed in the wrong direction himself.

Derek frowned. He wanted to tell Sarah that she had been right… and just in case he actually _didn't_ succeed, he wanted to tell her now. But then the smile returned to his lips, because his parents wouldn't take him directly to Voldemort. They'd let him stew for a while. Instead of stewing, however, he had other plans. And letters to write.


	18. Decision

**Chapter 17: Decision**

All three of the Fugues stood in the main living room of Fugue Manor. Derek's father had his arms crossed over his chest, standing directly in front of his son, who stood defiant against him. Derek's mother stood off to one side, but her stance was no less strong than the two men. They had just revealed to Derek the apparition coordinates that he would be using that day. As he was seventeen as of December 17th, he had trained himself to apparate and had passed the test to attain his license just two days before. Now was the day. The day that he had been waiting for for almost a half-year.

He felt like he was going to be sick. But it was time to go, and he could not afford to show any weakness at all.

There were a few moments of silence where nothing happened and no one moved more than the constant up and down motion of their chests as they breathed. Suddenly, as if a pistol had been fired in the distance so that only the two adults in the room heard it, they both looked at each other. "It is time," Mr. Fugue said, and his wife nodded. Derek didn't know how they had determined what time they were supposed to go, but that was not an important thing to know at that moment. Instead, directly after his parents had apparated to the correct coordinates, he followed suit.

He found himself in a dark, though there was more to the darkness than the hour, graveyard set beside a hill on one side and a church on the other. There was a house on the hillside. Neither the house nor the church looked like there was much human life that had touched them in quite a few years. As Derek looked at all of the figures that were gathering around a particular headstone in the graveyard, he was glad he had remembered to put his hood up before apparating. There was no one in the graveyard among the robed figures without a hood up.

Except one.

The man was pale, but he gave off an aura of power and authority that was difficult to ignore, especially with every other robed figure treating him deferentially. They were all forming a circle around the man. Derek found himself herded toward the circle and ended up standing just inside the circle in between two people, though masked and hooded, he was sure were his parents. He swallowed and made sure he was as far back under the hood as possible, and wished that he had a mask too.

When the circle was complete, one of the members of the circle went to his knees and crawled to the center to kiss the hem of the pale man's robes. One by one, every member of the circle did so, and when Derek's father went (the one on Derek's left, anyway), his mother (the one on his right), pushed him forward after him. He crawled forward and kissed the hem as everyone else had, calling him "Master…" and he figured out who the pale man was.

Despite the sudden drenching of his heart in fear, the pale man in the center of the circle was only terrifying because of things he was said to have done. Stories, no more. The fear of the constantly circling snake just outside the circle was what really scared him. Once all of the Death Eaters had approached Lord Voldemort and kissed his robes, Voldemort swept his gaze across all of those who were assembled before him. Derek repressed the shudder that tried to consume him and schooled himself to be motionless. He didn't know how he was going to get out of this; he didn't know why he had thought he had had a chance in the first place.

Voldemort began to speak, and though the graveyard had been under a silence before, now even the quiet wind listened to what he had to say. "The one meeting that all of you know will happen in advance. The one meeting that we add to our ranks. You stand in it, friends." He raised his arms and indicated the group that surrounded him. His tone belied his words however, and Derek's brow furrowed slightly. _Friends indeed._ "Since such is business best taken care of first, how about we bring forward our first applicant?" There was no snickering to his bad joke.

Derek thanked whoever ruled the cosmos that he was not the first one to be called. Voldemort instead pointed over to a different section of the circle where there was another figure, slightly shorter than he was, standing in front of two other Death Eaters in the circle. One of them pushed the figure forward, and though it stumbled, it did not fall. When the figure walked to Voldemort and fell to their knees at last, Voldemort smiled. It was a grisly thing to see, even from one side, as Derek did. It had no mirth, and did not remind him at all of any smile he had seen. Save ones he had seen on his own parents'.

Voldemort flicked his wand carelessly and muttered. The hood was lifted from the figure that knelt in front of him. Derek bit down hard, clamping his jaw shut on the gasp that threatened to escape his lips. Kneeling in front of Lord Voldemort was Bellatrix Black. Not having made a sound, Derek did know that his face betrayed his distaste and surprise. He was very glad to still have his hood up.

"Bellatrix Black," Voldemort said, testing the name on the air. The wind did not respond in the slight pause. "As a member of the honorable and pure house of Black, do you understand the taint that is upon our world?"

Bellatrix's face did not change as she confidently responded to the Dark Lord. "I recognize the taint of muggles on our world." The words were by rote, Derek realized. He also realized, since he had not been taught any words, that perhaps the initiation would be different for everyone that joined their ranks. Or he was screwed before he began unless he memorized the words that slid out of her vile mouth.

Voldemort began to pace around Bellatrix, never once his red eyes leaving her kneeling form. Bellatrix continued to stare at the space where his face was when he began. "You," Voldemort continued, his voice almost soft, "have decided to take up your wand in the defense of our world. How far are you willing to go to exterminate all that would taint our world?"

"I would go as far as it is necessary, and further, to complete the task that is set before me," Bellatrix replied.

Voldemort continued walking in his circle for a few seconds, and then suddenly he pointed his wand at Bellatrix and shouted, "_Crucio!_" The night was no longer silent with Bellatrix's screams tearing through the silence that had permeated through the graveyard a mere moment before. Derek cringed backward into one of his parents, earning him a silent slap across the back of his head. He held steady in his position after that, but he had to struggle to keep a tear from sliding down his face. That would certainly be noticed when his hood was down.

As suddenly as the sound began, it stopped. The silence once again returned to the graveyard, but Derek saw through its calmness. There was no calmness. Even the silence knew that it could be broken with a quick word and the wave of a wand. It was an alien feeling, and only added to Derek's distress. Even seeing Bellatrix rise to her knees with great difficulty was no help to his mood. After all, it could be him that was rising from his knees after dealing with that spell the next time it was cast.

Voldemort spoke quietly, but his words carried well enough in the tense stillness. "Can you stand the pain, Bellatrix? Can you deal with failure? For that is the cost of failure."

Bellatrix did not hesitate. "I can stand what I must. I _will_ succeed at my task."

Voldemort smiled his smile. "Then give me your arm." And Voldemort took it and pointed his wand at it, up near the shoulder, after lifting the sleeve of the robe that she wore. "MORSMORDRE!"

Bellatrix let out a cry, though it was nowhere near the pain or the length that her scream had been. It was quickly silenced, though she looked like the pain in her arm continued, as a green light bathed her arm from the wand that was suspended above it. And then Voldemort said the incantation again, lowering the wand to touch her skin. As black… it wasn't light, it was _power_, spewed forth onto the arm, Bellatrix let out another cry, this one longer and more mournful.

And then it was over. Voldemort released her arm and she took it back from him gratefully, holding it in her other arm as if it was her greatest treasure. Derek imagined that it had the same mark on it that his mother had shown him so many months ago in their Manor. "You," Voldemort said, his voice high, cold, and at a normal volume, "Are now initiated into the Death Eaters: Those that bring Death to those who are our enemies, and deliver our world from the same.

There was no sound as Bellatrix bowed low and backed up into her place in the circle, which had been made by the two people that had been standing behind her before. Then Voldemort returned to the place that he had been standing in originally. He smiled the smile, and it was all Derek could do to not visibly shudder. As it was, there were goosebumps on his arms. It did not help at all that Voldemort's gaze then turned to his section of the circle, and one long finger pointed directly at him. "Next," he said.

Derek felt himself pushed forward, but prepared for such treatment, he simply used it to start his walking pace. When he reached the Dark Lord, the man that was so feared that some of his friends refused to even speak his name, he knelt before him, his eyes staring at his face. He schooled his own to be blank; to be without any feeling at all. When Derek's hood was pushed back by another careless wave of Voldemort's he revealed no weakness.

"Derek Fugue," the Dark Lord said, also as if tasting the name on the air by saying it. "You," he said with a lengthy pause. Derek didn't like how he said that one word. "Are the unique one of your group. There are, if you hadn't bothered to check, four of you being initiated tonight. Bellatrix has already succeeded, Rudolphus Lestrange will go after you, and Severus Snape had the honor of going last." Voldemort stood aside to reveal the other two of those who were standing slightly on the inside of the circle. Because Derek had been directly across from Lestrange, he now had an easy sight at the face below the hood in the lower corner of his eyes. He wore a confident smile. Snape's face was hidden from Derek's angle.

"All three, I knew, would succeed tonight, and there had never been a question about any of them. They are my staunchest supporters of your generation, Fugue." Voldemort leaned down next to him, and Derek clamped his jaw tightly shut and refused to budge an inch when the scariest wizard alive was mere centimeters from him. "But not you," Voldemort called out in a stage whisper. Derek didn't flinch. "After all," he continued, straightening and beginning to pace around Derek in the same way that he had paced around Bellatrix beforehand. "It is quite hard for me to consider you one of my supporters when you are a Gryffindor."

The Death Eaters, as if woken from a trance, began to respond to Voldemort's words with mutters. Voldemort did not bother himself silencing them. "Bravery. That's what the hat may have seen in you. It may be the only thing that is holding you up right now. The fear that is coursing through you… Even if you are loyal, you can't have imagined that this would go well, with all of the suspicions against you." The footsteps stopped. "Let's see how true they are. Face me!" Derek turned to him as he was told. "_Legilimens!_"

The shock rippled through him, and then he was reliving his own memories. His mind shot through his five and a half years at Hogwarts, lingering on Narcissa, Bellatrix and Snivillus's treatment of him when he reached third year, and then it was suddenly over, and he found himself gasping for breath on the ground. He quickly rose to his knees again and faced the Dark Lord. He didn't dare to wipe the tears from his eyes. It was too late now.

"You were loyal for a time, weren't you, Derek? You were loyal to the cause even after you were Sorted into Gryffindor. You showed the bravery that the Sorting Hat saw within you by not betraying your ancestry." There were more mutterings, particularly by those who were directly behind him, and Derek felt a flash of foreboding, though he was not yet sure why. "That is, not immediately." As if with a spell, the silence reigned in the graveyard once more.

"No, until third year you dealt with all of the lonesomeness, the dirty tricks pulled on you by both your Housemates and those that you thought _should_ have been your Housemates. Then the tricks got worse, and you suddenly realized you didn't want it to happen to anyone else, and you stopped it." Voldemort stopped, and then turned to where Bellatrix was standing in the circle, and looked from her to Snape. "Derek, it seems, alerted that great oaf to Narcissa's plans in his third year." Bellatrix let out a wordless cry of rage, while Snape remained silent, and his face masked. The person on Bellatrix's left tried to silence her, but Voldemort waved his hand. "Rage against those who defy us is a good thing, dear Lisa, let her scream."

He then turned back to Derek. "Your treachery only grew from there, Fugue. Oh, how you began to fail. You began to fail everything that was ever taught you by your honorable parents, Ken and Alice Fugue. Not all at once," he amended to the surrounding Death Eaters, as if defending Derek, "No, not all at once, but in spurts." He turned back to face the boy below him. "It wasn't until this past summer that the pieces began to come together. Did you begin to realize it when you met with your brother?" There was a sharp gasp behind him, and then mutterings that spread through the crowd. Derek, though his fear was sharpened to the point of no return, managed to keep a straight face through the nauseous feeling that saturated his whole body.

Voldemort continued on, starting to pace again. "Or perhaps was it when you met with James Potter and contrived with him to help Sirius Black escape?" More mutterings and a particularly angry outcry from somewhere behind him. Voldemort continued as if the increased sound did not exist. "Maybe it was when you helped the half-blood Sarah Kosh with her problems." The sound further increased. "But I think," Voldemort said, raising his voice for the first time, silencing the mutterings. "that it was when you poured out your heart to the mudblood, Lily Evans."

The crowd was no longer muttering. They weren't even quiet anymore. They rose in a cry that shook the very dirt that Derek was kneeling on. Voldemort let the Death Eaters rage at him, though he made no move until Bellatrix took a step forward. Very suddenly his wand was trained on her and she was back in her place under the influence of the Imperious Curse. "No, no, my new pet," he said, his voice smooth. It was obvious that things were progressing very well for him. "It is not your place to cause the punishment of this one. You will have others. Be patient." He lifted his wand, and Bellatrix stayed put. Derek couldn't tell what her expression was, as her hood was up again.

"Oh, your treachery runs deep, Derek Fugue. However, there still is a chance at redemption. There are still things that you can do to save yourself. And it wouldn't be in your best interest to defy me anyway." Voldemort let his words sink in, and the crowd began to quiet and return to the mutterings. "First, your friend Remus Lupin." There was a gasp from the crowd, and with a little glance, Derek discovered that it came from Severus Snape's position in the circle. "You have discovered that he is a werewolf. Unworthy, some wizards say. Half-breed, others say."

"But he is pureblooded. He holds within himself the potential to be the kind of wizard that we all are aspiring here to be; holding none of the taint that even as we speak is seeping into the world that we need to clean. He would not find anywhere else that would accept him. He will go through his life with this ministry constantly turning him away from the jobs he should righteously obtain. He will be without friends, and unable to function in this life unless we are successful in changing the world as we know it."

Derek found himself thrown back into his memories. _Remus put his hands on Derek's shoulders. "When I was bitten by the werewolf… I thought that my whole life would simply be a misery. Then Dumbledore helped me get into the school and put in measures so that I wouldn't bite any of you. Then the Marauders found out about it, and they helped me live. Not just exist between transformations… but live. You helped, Lily helped… everyone helped by being themselves… Look, the point is that things right now are much better than I could have ever imagined when I was ten, and thinking that I wouldn't be able to go to Hogwarts at all. Things can work out, Derek. You can make them work out."_

_Who are you going to believe?_

"And that's just one reason why you should join us, Derek. I'll give you more; see how generous I am?" Voldemort didn't wait for an answer to his question. "Your other friend, Lily Evans, doesn't belong in our world. She is part of the taint that permeates through the world. She doesn't have to be killed, you understand. She can simply live in the world that she belongs in. The world of Muggles. If you can convince her to do what is good for her, then she will be able to live her life in the way that she is supposed to, and you and I will live ours in the way we're supposed to."

"_You're better than that Derek. We know how we feel about each other because we have done those little things. And the big things too. You've surreptitiously gotten me a box of tissues when I was having a cry and no one knew why. Everyone else was asking me what was going wrong, but all you did was go off and get me a box of tissues."_

_Lily smiled and nodded "It's the little things that tell you whether you're friends with someone or not. The big things can be important, and Potter has certainly started to pick up on that… but the little ones are the most important. They are what keep us sane."_

Lily's place was in Hogwarts and the wizarding world, just like Derek's was.

_Who are you going to believe?_

"Since I'm feeling particularly generous this evening, Derek, I will even give you a third reason to join me. Your friend Sarah Kosh lives with her muggle father. Yes, they live in a Wizarding community, but that doesn't mean anything to him. Nothing has meant anything to him since his wife died when she gave birth to Sarah. No one has been able to get him to leave, and since he's got a witch as a child, some people even defend his right to stay within the wizarding world. But you know the truth about him.

"He abuses her, and she finds her home miserable. She wants to escape into Hogwarts and the wizarding world to get away from him. But until she graduates from Hogwarts, she will be unable to break away from her legal guardian. So, like me, she will be out of luck." At 'like me,' Derek blinked, and the confusion must have shown on his face, for Voldemort spread his arms wide. "Indeed, I had a father much like hers. She and I are in a very unique position as to know the true nature of the muggles that are trying to get into our world. For her sake and for the sake of all the children in her position around the world, we must exterminate them."

_When Sarah looked directly into his eyes this time, Derek felt something… it wasn't something that could be explained off as a developing crush, love, a part of their friendship… it was more of Sarah's true thoughts were speaking to him directly, without the middle-man of her mouth. "Hope, Derek. It's all about the hope. Didn't you always have it? Even if it wasn't obvious? Something was helping you get through everything when nothing was going your way. When you didn't have anyone to talk to… before you began to… to change. Into the person you are now. There was something, I'm sure of that. I think it was hope."_

He abuses her, and she finds her home miserable.

_It's all about the hope. Didn't you always have it?_

He abuses her.

_It's all about the hope._

Abuse.

_Hope._

_Who are you going to believe?_

Voldemort smiled at him, though through the haze of Derek's confused mind, it was almost genuine. "What is your choice, young Fugue? Will you join the ranks of those who wish to bring the order to the wizarding world that it deserves, or will you die?"

And Derek did not blink. Through his head spat all the things he had learned. Both in his entire life and in the past few months. The short months that he had been happy with his own life. _Mudbloods are the scum of the earth. Lily Evans doesn't fit the mold of a mudblood. Cleanse the world, purify the world from the stupidity of those who would take it away from you!_

_There is no one who can take it away. You have your hope._

"_This," James said, "is a farewell."_

"_But this is not a farewell in the fact that you are leaving us. It is a farewell in that we are wishing you to fare well in the challenges that you are heading out to face," Sirius added, without a trace of smugness. The words combined with Sirius being completely serious for once brought out a warm feeling in Derek._

"_Because we believe in you," Lily continued, now throwing an amused look at the present Marauders, "and have trained you well." This brought on some snickering from everyone in the room, and Derek's smile was the brightest of all of them. "And we know that you will come back to us in the new year."_

"_So don't worry about all of us. We'll be fine, because we know that you'll be fine," Remus finished, and all present nodded._

_Who do you trust? Who stands by you? Who is working for the betterment of the world? Who is the right choice?_

_Who do you believe?_

"I will do neither."


	19. Desperation

**Chapter 18: Desperation**

"_Crucio!_"

Whatever Derek had imagined that Bellatrix had gone through, whatever he thought the spider went through that he himself had practiced on in order to master the spell now being used upon him, it did not prepare him for this, and he promptly forgot his imaginings. The pain that coursed through him felt like burning, ice, the ripping, the slicing of his entire body all at once. And unlike any of those, his nerves were never reduced to the point so that they could no longer feel the excruciating pain that he became lost in. His scream tore into the night just like Bellatrix's had.

Suddenly, the torture was over. "Oh, you will die," Voldemort whispered coldly. "And I will enjoy watching. But I will not take the first crack. Your parents will have that honor. To kill one of their own because they failed to raise him correctly. Ken! Alice!" He called out the last two, and retreated to one side of the circle. "Kill your son."

In a flash, Derek jumped up and flicked his wand into his palm from where he had been holding it near his wrist. He spun around in the same motion, and found the two figures coming at him. The one on the left moving straight toward him, while the one on the right was going around the circle to approach him from another side. The one on the left lifted their wand to point at him. "_Avada Kedavra!_" From the voice, he found it to be his mother.

He dropped and rolled to the right, moving himself closer to where his father was circling. The jet of green light passed through where he was and struck the ground. It splayed out in a green imitation of a muggle firework. But nobody there knew what a firework looked like, and nobody there was paying attention to the green light after they knew it was going to hit the ground anyway. All eyes were on the duel. The unfair duel. Derek growled. _Time to let out all the stops. My decision is made. It's time to commit._

Both he and his father lifted their wands to point at each other at the same time. "_Stupefy!_" was Derek's call, while his father's was "_Crucio!_" Both of them leapt out of the way of the spell sent at them, affording neither of them a hit _or_ a second shot at their targets. And when Derek had his balance, he found himself face to face with his mother again.

"_Stupefy!_" She called, and Derek barely dodged the stunner. He heard a muffled thump of a Death Eater falling behind him a split second later. Using the momentum of his dodge, Derek made sure that he was standing in the middle of his parents and held his wand to one side, his hand in the middle instead of on the handle. It was time for the first trick up his sleeve.

"_Duo Stupefy!_" And as he concentrated on splitting his consciousness into two separate halves, the spell came out of both ends of his wand. He then rolled to one side, not wanting to still be between them if they both were able to dodge the stunners. When he was clear and he looked back at his handiwork, it turned out that they had. And two more unlucky Death Eaters on the circle found themselves stunned. The first was just being helped to his feet by his comrades standing beside him.

"Impressive, Derek," Ken Fugue said, "You did do as you were told and train yourself. It's too bad your skills will go to waste. You are fated to die this night." And he raised his wand again.

But Derek had time enough for a taunt. "Who said anything about fate? Skill will prevail." He was then forced to dive to one side to dodge the Killing Curse. This time, however, the Death Eaters behind him were fast enough to get out of the way. They had finally learned that this wasn't going to be a quick duel to the death of the teen that had defied Voldemort. The teen had the full intention of winning, as well as possibly the means to do so.

Derek danced away from that corner of the arena that was formed by the circle of Death Eaters and brought his wand to bear on his mother as she called out again. "_Stupefy!_"

Derek grinned. "_Protego!_" And the ricochet hit another Death Eater, but this time he hadn't the time to get out of the way, even though he had been prepared to dodge. As he fell to the rough dirt that made up the graveyard's ground, Derek pressed the attack on his mother. "_Stupefy! Impedimenta! Stupefy!_" She dodged one, deflected the second and the third simply missed her. Derek was then forced to pay attention to his father again as he began to press the attack. Soon the attack was on both sides, and it was all Derek could do to stay out of the way of all the curses.

"_Protego! Protego!_" He shouted, catching more Stunners on his shield charms. He then was forced to use the second trick that he had up his sleeve. He pointed his wand to the left and mumbled, "_Va!_" He instantly shifted left far beyond where he would have been able to lean comfortably and was well out of the way of the two Killing Curses that were converging on him. He didn't waste any time, using the shock of his parents to press the attack once again. He knew that he had to fell one of them in this flurry in order to keep going. Another attack by both of them at the same time would probably end up killing him.

He charged his mother, shouting. "_Stupefy! Stupefy!_" For good measure, he pointed his wand quickly over at his father, never faltering in his charge. "_Stupefy!_" Then his focus returned to his mother, hoping that he bought enough precious seconds with his barely aimed shot to make a difference. "_Stupefy! Stupefy!_" But she had been able to dodge or reflect all of them, and he was still charging. He needed a break, and he needed it fast.

"_Imperio!_" Alice called in a strong voice. And though Derek had dodged it, he suddenly got an idea and pretended that it had hit him. He stopped moving instantly. He knew he was guessing because he was forced to take the risk that Alice Fugue would be too cocky to remember to check whether the spell was working or not, and knelt down on the ground. Alice laughed and raised her wand once again. "Now I hold him. Finish it, husband, so that we can do it together, as the Dark Lord wishes."

"Indeed," replied her husband, but before he could do anything else, Derek had his wand up in his hand and pointing at Alice once again. _Since she can reflect my stunners, I must use something that can't be reflected. Something that she couldn't get out of at the last second._ The idea came to him, and he didn't hesitate.

"_Avada Kedavra!_" The jet of green light shot out of Derek's wand, and struck Alice Fugue directly in the center of her chest. Her eyes immediately lost their ire, and she fell over backwards, lifeless. Derek found himself breathing heavily, and at a loud sound he turned back to where his father was, pointing a wand at him. His father was letting out a cry of anger so intense that the Death Eaters near him took a step back. The wand never left Derek.

"You killed her! Not only do you betray us, _YOU KILLED HER! YOU WILL **PAY!**_"

Derek had to jump aside in order to dodge the first bit of the next flurry of curses that flew at him, and magical curses weren't the only ones spewing out of his father's mouth at him. Meanwhile, he tried to ignore the fact that he had just committed murder. _No!_ A voice shouted within him. The voice was familiar. _Kill or be killed!_ He had told himself to commit, and he had. There was nothing wrong with what he did. Derek began deflecting the spells being sent at him (the ones that he could reflect, anyway) with a specific purpose. He began to direct ricochet spells at various Death Eaters.

The first hit that Derek scored on a target was a Stunner on Bellatrix Black, who fell without uttering a sound, for once. Derek was glad that she had finally decided to shut up. Other than her, Snape, Derek's father and Voldemort himself, Derek didn't know who any of the other Death Eaters were, at least, by where they were standing. He knew of quite a few of the people that were in the circle, but he did not know where they stood due to the robes and masks. Derek did not try to hit Snape. He wanted Snape to see him win, and pass on the news that the Gryffindor that they tormented was doing just fine without them.

Derek hit three more targets on purpose before he began to press the attack again. "_Stupefy!_" he called out, changing the dynamic of the duel. "_Impedimenta!_" Both were deflected, but deflected into the ground. Ken was learning. _Where is your resolve? Why don't you kill him? Unless he happens to get worse at deflecting your shots, the Killing Curse will be your best bet._ But Derek realized something. Something that made his blood go cold when he realized it, though the slight pause in his step did not end up costing him anything. He couldn't escape.

Oh, he should be able to win the duel. His maneuverability outstripped Ken's by a long shot, and he could dodge the Killing Curse for a while yet, while Ken's ability to do so was limited to the point that a single well-aimed casting would end the duel. But still Derek hesitated, because what came next would be his demise. At the beginning of the duel, before any spells were cast, Derek had tried to Apparate away, finding him confined by an Anti-Apparation Jinx. So getting away by that method was out. When he defeated his father, in all likelihood he would be toyed with by Voldemort for a few minutes before being killed by the most feared wizard of the age.

And he knew that no matter how much energy he had left when he faced Voldemort down, he would be hard pressed to do any significant damage to Voldemort before he was reduced to a sniffling blob on the cold ground. Derek felt a kind of peace descend over him as he continued dueling his father, both wizards circling and casting and trying get the other to make a mistake. A soft glow appeared on the horizon, and the faint moonlight was no longer the only light to see by.

Derek was forced to make a move when Ken gave up using other curses. The Killing Curse was cast repeatedly, and only with clever movements with the Sudden Movement Charm was Derek able to avoid them all. He had to end it. He was forced to take it to the next step. As soon as he had another clear shot, he pointed his wand and called out. "_Avada Kedavra!_" The jet of green light was heading directly at his father's chest, and Derek knew that he had no more time to dodge. Ken tried, however, but though he twisted away, he was not quick enough, and the curse struck him just below the shoulder. He fell to the ground, lifeless.

There was silence in the graveyard for a few moments, and then the only sound was Voldemort chuckling. He chuckled alone for a good long time. Once he felt that was enough, he spoke, and his voice had a hint of dryness in it. "Well, there goes the ancient and honorable family of the Fugues. Destroyed by itself, it seems. However, there is some punishment that is still in order for the one responsible. _Crucio!_" But Derek was ready and dodged to the left. Voldemort growled.

Derek was able to dodge two more of the curses, having them hit the Death Eater that was directly behind him at the time. Voldemort never let his curse linger on one of the Death Eaters, and all that was heard was a cry of intense pain. Since it was basically instantaneous, the screams did not affect the assembled nearly as much as the screams of Bellatrix and Derek had earlier in the meeting. Voldemort's eyes narrowed after the third miss. "You are very good, but it's time that you died, young Fugue." And he began to wave his wand without incantations.

The first thing that happened was Derek was hit by the Imperious Curse. He noticed the telltale signs of the suggestions that were being given to him by Voldemort. But normally it could be dodged! All of the Unforgivables could be dodged, in their normal forms! But Voldemort seemed to have a way to bypass this for the Imperious Curse, at least, and Derek found himself walking to the center of the circle and kneeling once again. Voldemort did not pace around him with an air of the gentle master. His face ruined that image instantly now. His wand flicked again, but this time the incantation was screamed. "_CRUCIO!_"

Derek writhed in the agony that consumed him. It was the same agony that had consumed him not so long before, but it had some differences to it. It managed to put more pain through his nerves, and Derek had thought that they were functioning at their highest pain output the first time that he was put under the curse. He couldn't feel anything but the pain. His sight failed; his hearing failed. There was nothing except the pain, and it lasted for a lifetime before he finally found himself with his sight clearing laying on the ground at one edge of the circle, at the feet of one of the Death Eaters.

"You have been troubling for six years, Fugue. And now your troubling with the effort to remove the taint from the world is over. Farewell, Derek." And he raised his wand.

_But this is not a farewell in the fact that you are leaving us. It is a farewell in that we are wishing you to fare well in the challenges that you are heading out to face._

_Goodbye, my friends._

"_Avada Kedavra!_"


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries was generally quiet as the time approached six in the morning. Katherine Miller was serving as the current Welcome Witch, having a mere hour and change left in her shift before she could leave for home. She had a whole glorious week off! Now that the holidays were over, the pay was returning to normal and it was about time some of the people who were forced to work over the holiday to keep the hospital running took their vacation time.

She couldn't wait. She had been the one who had to alert the on duty staff that there was a teenaged boy that had suddenly appeared in the center of the reception area at close to two o'clock in the morning. That had been a hassle-and-a-half, it had. Katherine just did not want to deal with any more strange happenings, and hoped that she would barely have to deal with anyone coming in (especially people who thought they could visit the hospital at any old time they pleased) much less anything out of the ordinary.

Unfortunately, this was not to be. Suddenly appearing at the back, where those who entered from the street would appear, was Albus Dumbledore himself, flanked by quite a few teenagers about the age of the boy that had arrived suddenly in the middle of the night. Katherine sighed. At least there was only an hour left, no matter what happened at the hospital. At least the Welcome Witches never worked any more or less than the shifts that they were assigned beforehand. Thank Merlin.

The Welcome Witch rose as Albus strode up to the desk with the five teens trailing him. James Potter was on the far left, with Sirius Black just to his right. Remus Lupin was center and Sarah Kosh was to his right. Lily Evans rounded out the group on the far right hand side. Albus nodded kindly at the witch behind the desk. "We're here to identify the boy that arrived here sometime this morning."

Katherine blinked. "I'm sorry, but you can't do that. We are still trying to contact the parents of the boy we _think_ he is…"

Albus waved his hand, gently cutting her off. "You won't reach them; they are recently deceased. That is, if you are trying to approach the correct parents." Dumbledore remarked this kindly, but all six of the others in the room reacted in some way. Lily and Sarah turned white and looked at each other horror-stricken. Remus paled a bit more than he already was, and Sirius and James looked at each other with a healthy amount of shock. Katherine simply swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Y-yes… indeed…" she stammered, ruffling her papers around, trying to buy the time to think of what she was _supposed _to do in such an instance. Was there something in the manual that told her what to do when an extremely famous and influential wizard came telling her that he was there to identify a wizard that had just been portkeyed into the Hospital and was suspected to be in a coma? Or was that too specific? "Right…" She was going to take a guess, and hope to Merlin that it was a good enough guess to keep her out of trouble. "How about I contact the Healer that is currently on duty over him?"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "That would be splendid. Where shall we wait for him?"

Katherine shuffled more papers, this time actually looking for a specific one. "The name of the Healer in charge of the case of the boy you are referring to is Healer Cuthbert Hutton. His office is on the fourth floor, nearby the Janus Thickey Ward. Kindly wait just outside his office, and he will invite you in when he's ready to see you."

Dumbledore smiled at her and nodded. "Thank you, Mrs. Miller." And he walked off to the stairs with the teenagers scrambling behind him. Katherine sank back into her chair behind the desk. How did he still remember her after all these years? Worse, how did he know she was _married_?

* * *

After Dumbledore had talked to the Healer for a short bit, all of them walked quietly into the Janus Thickey Ward and walked all the way to the end, where it connected to a few small single rooms. Inside the one on the far left, the Healer let them all file in, and no one said a word. Sarah gasped, and Dumbledore simply nodded in confirmation. The Healer smiled sadly. "We've been unable to wake him, and we have tried several times. Now that we know his name, we'll try using that too, but I can't promise anything. All of my instincts and magic tell me that he is in a coma and will be unable to wake for some time."

Sarah sobbed into her hands, and Lily led her over to the chair that was positioned in the opposite corner of the room as the bed where Derek Fugue was laying. James, Sirius and Remus all took positions around the bed. Not so close as to block the view of the two adults or the two girls, but close enough that if Derek were awake, he would have noticed their presence above him. They were all solemn. Healer Hutton turned to Dumbledore. "I will leave you to your visitation. I ask simply that when you leave you leave quietly, and that you leave before real visitation hours start." And with a swish of his white robes, the Healer was gone.

There was a long moment of silence as all of the people left in the room looked forlornly at the body that remained unmoving on the bed. James was the one who broke the silence. "Pro-Professor," he hesitated, then pushed on. "Do you know what happened?"

Dumbledore put one hand on James's shoulder. "I know very little, Mr. Potter. Still less that I can tell you, but I can tell you this. Mr. Fugue would have made all of you proud tonight. Under the threat of death to take a path that would place him on the other side of this very grave war, he chose to fight. And he refused to believe that he would be cut down. Lord Voldemort," Sarah barely flinched at the name. None of the others flinched at all, not even Lily. Her eyes simply hardened. "Forced him and his parents to duel. Both at the same time. He killed both of them." Sarah sobbed again, Lily gasped and James and Sirius had a look of awe as they cast looks at each other again. Remus didn't have any outward reaction.

"I am not sure how he made it to a portkey that would take him to this hospital and therefore saved him when he ended up in such a condition. It obviously saved his life. But that is all I know that I can tell you." He squeezed James shoulder, and James turned to him. "James."

"Yes, Professor?"

"I know you already are holding one ward in your house," Dumbledore said, turning a kindly smile on Sirius, who simply smiled back at him. "But do you think your parents would be willing to help us out with Mr. Fugue as well if and when he gets better?"

James nodded solemnly, and Sirius looked delighted. "I'll talk to them, and I think they will say yes."

Dumbledore nodded. "Indeed. Now then, I will let you all visit with him for a bit, but then I must take you back. To the school in one case and your homes in other cases." At this Sarah stood up shaking and walked up to Dumbledore. He smiled kindly down at her, his eyes twinkling.

"Thank you for bringing us, Professor. Thank you for letting us know he-" she stopped, sniffling again, and Lily took her into her arms. The present Marauders looked on solemnly.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "You needed to know, Miss Kosh." He then left the room silently.

James, Sirius and Remus turned back to the bed. "You kicked serious ass, Fugue," James said, and Sirius and Remus nodded. "Dumbledore is right. You succeeded, and you made us proud. Take your time recovering, and we'll always be around when you need us."

"You did everything right, Derek," Sirius added. James and Sirius then left the room.

Remus remained behind. "Derek, I was always your friend before. I remain your friend now. I will be around every once in a while, whether you are awake or asleep. I hope you remember that." He went over and hugged Sarah, who returned it gratefully and nodded and received a nod from/to Lily. He then left as well.

Lily walked to the bed and kissed Derek's cheek. "Thank you, Derek. What you did showed confidence in all the things that we had shown you in the past few months, but most of all, it showed confidence in me. I will always remember you." She then helped Sarah stand. "Do you need me to stay?" she whispered to her friend, but Sarah shook her head, and Lily left.

Sarah walked slowly and carefully over to the bed and leaned over Derek's head. She kissed him gently on both cheeks, and then, hovering over him for a second's pause, kissed him on the lips as well. "I knew what choice you would make, Derek. I knew it all along. I knew what was inside you, through all of the trials that you have been through, ever since I first broke your shell at the end of our third year. And I know many thing about us that I will only tell you when you are awake. Because, like I know those things, I know that you will awaken again."

She had a sharp intake of breath as a tear fell from her cheek to Derek's. She was about to wipe it away, when she froze. Derek moaned in his sleep. "Derek? Derek, wake up," she tried in a normal voice, but it was no use. Perhaps it was a fluke? She went ahead and wiped her tear from his cheek and backed up. When she was a step and a half away from the bed, she fled from the room, the tears no longer holding back.

* * *

Peter Pettigrew sat at the Leaky Cauldron that morning. His friends had promised to meet him there that morning, but they all were still sleeping. He had firecalled the Potters and the Lupins, and they had both told him that their children were all still asleep. Peter sighed. Some friends they were. But he knew he was lying to himself. They had been great friends to him, and though they had sometimes used him in ways he had not exactly appreciated, they let him be along, and included him wherever they could. Even defended him, when they were younger.

No, he just knew that a late night was probably to blame for their missed appointment in Diagon Alley that morning. He expected that when they woke up, they would hurry to catch up to him and apologize. Well, Remus would apologize, while James would mutter incoherently for a while and Sirius would pretend it was all on purpose. Peter sighed with a smile. Oh well, those were his friends, after all. They were the Marauders, and they would be friends for as long as they lived.

Peter was interrupted from his thoughts by someone tapping him on the shoulder. He turned to find someone of James's height in a black robe with the hood up beckoning for him to follow. Peter smiled, thinking it must be that they met outside and wanted to talk to him there, but when he got outside with the cloaked figure, they did not lead him to the other two Marauders. In fact, the person approaching him wasn't a Marauder at all. It was Narcissa Black… no, Narcissa Malfoy, she had just been married, Peter vaguely recalled.

"Your friends seem to be leaving you out lately," she said, her demeanor soft. Almost kind, even. Despite the fact that she was acting slightly out of character with what Peter remembered from his third year at Hogwarts and her seventh year, the words are what grabbed his attention.

"What do you mean?" he asked, the anger returning. This time his mind didn't try to explain away the fact that he still had not been met by his friends. "What do you mean they're leaving me out!"

Narcissa smiled, and Peter _did_ notice and remember that she was very pretty. "How about I tell you all about what your friends have done to you, and introduce you to some friends who won't desert you like _they_ did."

* * *

Albus Dumbledore sat in the Headmaster's Office of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His fingers were steepled and his chin was resting on both of his thumbs. His long beard was tucked under the desk. Though all of the portraits were awake, none of them spoke. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had firecalled him just minutes before to tell him that what James suggested was a good idea. James, of course, had run off to a rendezvous with the rest of the little band that he hang around with, and was not with the two parents as Albus and the Potters talked.

The Potters had agreed to file for the adoption of guardianship of Derek Fugue, just in case he happened to need one in the next year or so. As he was seventeen, he did not really _need_ a guardian, but there were certain instances that it would be better for him to have one, and he would need some place to stay over the summer holidays if he woke up in time to enjoy them. Thinking of this, Albus sighed noisily through the white hair that hid his mouth from view. It was very likely that Derek would be asleep for a very long time.

He had miraculously survived the ordeal he had been put through, but Albus had a feeling that part of the Killing Curse had struck him before the portkey took effect. Derek had been lucky to fall at the feet of a particular Death Eater. A Death Eater that happened to have a couple pence on him spelled as portkeys to various places. And the fact that he was Albus's spy in the organization and an accomplished Occulmens helped matters. However, that spy had lost his life because he was caught in the act of sending Derek away. It hadn't been immediately, nor did Dumbledore know exactly how it happened.

Albus had received a message from the operative just after five o'clock in the morning, and Albus had immediately roused the five teens that he knew cared a lot about the young man. After taking them to the Hospital at eight 'til six, he returned to his office to find a note from a regular Order member, Mad-Eye Moody, that the spy that had alerted him to Derek's appearance at St. Mungos had been found dead just outside Headquarters. Albus sighed. That was yet _another_ thing that needed to be taken care of before the term resumed in January. They had to move the Headquarters again.

But Albus was now without an Order of the Phoenix member inside the circle of Death Eaters. The eyes and ears provided by a single person anywhere within the organization had been invaluable in stopping many attacks on the general public. Far more attacks would have happened in the past seven years than had, because of the Order's existence and tireless work. There had been many casualties to the cause, but with nearly ten times that in lives saved, Albus felt that the deaths had not been in vain.

He sighed once again, resigned to the fact that it would now be that much harder to predict Voldemort's actions when there was a knock on the office door. Albus raised his head from his hands and folded his hands in his lap on his beard. He then called, "Come in." The portraits immediately pretended to be sleeping silently.

The door opened, and into the office came Severus Snape, the sixth year. He walked up to Dumbledore's desk and said in a hoarse whisper, "I've made a mistake, Professor."

And as Dumbledore listened to Severus's story, his eyes began to twinkle. Severus would be the saving grace that the Order of the Phoenix needed.

* * *

Healer Sarah Kosh closed the door behind her quietly as she entered the room where Derek Fugue was laying. She walked over and sat down in the chair that was positioned next to the bed, as opposed to the one that still sat in the opposite corner of the room. She sighed. "I saw Harry today, Derek." Derek, as usual, did not respond. But as Sarah no longer expected him to respond, she continued talking. It was part of the therapy for Derek's coma that he was to be told things, keep a running commentary on the happenings of real life, which often helped those who did eventually wake. So through all the magic that was consistently tried on the patients, there was still this one small human comfort.

"You would have been proud of me, Derek. I paid my attention to Gilderoy and not to Harry as all of the Boy-Who-Lived nonsense. I knew that you never liked being treated differently than anyone else, and I figured it would be refreshing to have someone simply treat him as a kid for once…" she trailed off, and then rubbed her eyes. "He's nearing the age you were when you began the change, you know. This time next year he'll be at the same age. He's faced a lot, you know, just like you. I bet Professor Dumbledore has told you all about it in his visits…"

"I know, you say that I could do the same, that I should join the Order of the Phoenix, just like all the rest of them that were in this room. But did you know that they're almost all gone? Sirius went and became a murderer on Peter… not that you ever liked Peter much… and betrayed Lily and James to their death… Remus is all that's left. He's come to visit a lot too you know. I think he visits as much for my sake as yours."

She took a deep breath. "Alice and Frank. Do you remember them? I know I've told you all about them several times. Alice gave Neville another wrapper today, and the magic sensors went off for a moment. Her brain functioned. I think the new spell has a chance to start working… I've become so successful here, Derek, and no matter how many wizards I make better, such as Gilderoy's amazing progress, I can't touch what's going on with you…" And just as she had many times before, Sarah cried on Derek's shoulder, and he could not bring her comfort.


End file.
